Writing Feedback / 'Young people are no longer interested in religion.' What is your view? [6]

Thank you for checking the last essay. There is a new one. I picked the topic from this June O level examination. Can you please check for me this one?

'Young people are no longer interested in religion.' What is your view?

These days, sometimes the older generations complain that their children or grandchildren have no interested in going to church every Sunday morning. It seems that less and less young people believe that God does exist. From my point of view, I think that young people still interest in religion - although it is not the way elders do.

There is many stress and problems a person under 30 to day have to face day by day. For students who have not finished high schools yet, it is their school work: they have to work hard to get into university. There are also their friendships and relationships which they never stop building up. For undergraduate students at university, as they are adults but still using their parent's money to study, they do their best to get good jobs in the near future as well as do some part-time job to prevent their selves from asking parents for pocket money. The moment they start working, they start worrying about everything. They are doing as much as they can to make relationships with their bosses and colleagues. They can easily get sack once they have trouble with any of them. Beside that, things become much more expensive these days, single people have to pay all these living fees without a partner. That is why they start thinking of being promoted, so they can afford to live. When it comes to their 30s, they all think of getting married and starting new families. After that, their single life finish, and they are also no more called "young people".

That is what people call "rat race". This world is a stressful world with no air for people to breath. As human being, most young people tend to find some place and sometime in this race to take a break. After searching around, they usually head to religion. Although some do not believe in God, they do find peace when they are in a church, a temple, a mosque... These people do not turn up at church in a certain time on a certain day - their religions are something that "recharge" their energy when they are exhausted by their normal lives. Some people do believe in God: God is the reason for them to get on well with others and continue living, as if they do so, their life of after death will be wonderful. Otherwise many people will hop in the road, start killing others and their selves as a result of a stressful world. In most religions on this world, committing suicide and killing people are unacceptable. Religions are there for young people to rely on when they are tired. The way people see religions will change by time. When people are young, they have no patient to sit in churches for hours or to listen for a monk half a day as a part of their life. For them, religions places are another world: there are no work, no stress, and no race. They can only visit those places when they need to relax or they need some peaceful. It is not a duty in their views.

In conclusion, I believe that young people are still interested in religion - although the way is slightly different from elders.

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My guardian just told me this afternoon that he afraided I cannot survive in junior college (which I am going to next year). I still pass all my English paper but I haven't met the Singapore 'O' level English standard yet :)) My English teacher keeps encouraging me in writing (as much as possible!) and my guardian keeps telling me that I will be kicked out next year. I'm really confusing now, because I'm not exchange student to go back, my only choice is going ahead and people are telling me I'd fail :))

It seems that I cannot keep my feeling inside anymore... Tomorrow I think I should write an essay about my feeling instead of argumentative essays.

In fact, next time I will post a summary. This is my weakness... I hope my next essay won't change to red :( I'm really scared of summarising :((

Writing Feedback / It is better to have one long school vacation than to have a few short one? [6]

Thank you for checking my last essay. Can you please take a look and check this one for me? It's not my school essay - I'm only trying to write as much as I can :)

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Some students complain that they have too much vacation but each time they only have less than a month to rest. These students claim that because of the short vacations, they do not have enough time to relax and cannot do well at school. However, in my opinion, I disagree with those students.

A long vacation for two or three months will give students a longer period of time to relax. In these months, they tend to go on holidays with their families or friends in the first month, spend the next two week for computer games and then have nothing to do after six weeks without schools. Students usually want to play hard after a long tired academic year and leave all their text book on the bookshelves until the next year (for some students, they even keeps books under their beds!). When a new school year starts, they will easily lose their interests in studying after months no study. It takes them quite long to adjust to school again. Parents are usually heard their children said that they had forgot everything teachers taught them at the beginning of a semester. The reason is that they had lost all their interests (and some of their last year knowledge) in studying during the long vacation. However, a few short vacations during semesters will not take students much time to get used to school work again. They only have enough time to take a break and then continue studying.

As a result of having nothing to do with too much free time, students - especially teenagers - tend to spend their time to hang out with friends, gossip and some of them can commit crime. A short break will not give them this free time: they have to come back to school before they find that they have nothing else to do during their vacation. For young children at primary school, their parents will not have to find a maid to look after them during a long vacation. Usually their children will have about ten free days and so the whole family can go for a holiday together.

In conclusion, I believe that having a few short vacations is better than a long short one.

(374 words)
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I'm working on the conclusion (because I cannot end my essay in only one sentence!) and trying to add in some points. Although I have no idea about the points I'm going to add in, as well as the conclusion :-S

Writing Feedback / Argumentative essay - Rich and poor children - school work [4]

"Are rich children are always happier than those who come from poorer families?"

There is a general belief that children who come from rich families (therefore refers as rich children) are always happier than those who come from poorer families. Rich children have luxury things and good living environment, which parents with lower income can not afford. It makes people think that they must be happier than their friends. However, from my point of view, I disagree with this thought.

Children who come from a rich and well-educated family are usually expected and desired to excel in their school work. They are not allowed to get any mark but A. Beside that, they also have to excel in their social activities. Their parents pin all their hopes on them. Being a "good" child, instead of balancing their time to play and study, these rich children must push themselves hard to be successful. If they are not successful or fail in any aspect, they could bring disgrace on their family and become ignominy of these families. Otherwise, children from normal families can make their parents proud of them simply because they have passed their primary school leaving exam. For these children, happiness is much simple than their friends who come from rich families.

In a family with high income, parents usually do not realise that their children not only need their money but their love. They usually busy working and leave their responsibility of taking care of their children for nursemaids. As a result, children from rich family usually lack of love and lack of "family atmosphere". They tend to not share their feeling with parents when they are in their teen-age, as they think their parents will not listen to them when they are busy working. It will be worse when they have nobody beside them when they need a piece of advice, so they do what they think, and go on the wrong way. "Rich children" usually land in impasses, feel unhappy and disappointed because they do not know what to do. In spite of that, children from families with lower income always can ask their parents for advice, and their parents always are there to share their feeling. They never have to solve their problems by their selves. In additional, these children know how to share their feeling, and it makes them happier than "rich" children, who can not say that they are depressed and then keep this feeling inside them forever.

In conclusion, I hold firm to my belief that rich children are not happier than children from poorer families. Whether they are happy or not depends on the way they were brought up, no matter which families they come from.

Can you please take a look and check it for me? It's my school essay (English language).

Thank you so much.

Thuy Chi