Thank you for checking my last essay. Can you please take a look and check this one for me? It's not my school essay - I'm only trying to write as much as I can :)
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Some students complain that they have too much vacation but each time they only have less than a month to rest. These students claim that because of the short vacations, they do not have enough time to relax and cannot do well at school. However, in my opinion, I disagree with those students.
A long vacation for two or three months will give students a longer period of time to relax. In these months, they tend to go on holidays with their families or friends in the first month, spend the next two week for computer games and then have nothing to do after six weeks without schools. Students usually want to play hard after a long tired academic year and leave all their text book on the bookshelves until the next year (for some students, they even keeps books under their beds!). When a new school year starts, they will easily lose their interests in studying after months no study. It takes them quite long to adjust to school again. Parents are usually heard their children said that they had forgot everything teachers taught them at the beginning of a semester. The reason is that they had lost all their interests (and some of their last year knowledge) in studying during the long vacation. However, a few short vacations during semesters will not take students much time to get used to school work again. They only have enough time to take a break and then continue studying.
As a result of having nothing to do with too much free time, students - especially teenagers - tend to spend their time to hang out with friends, gossip and some of them can commit crime. A short break will not give them this free time: they have to come back to school before they find that they have nothing else to do during their vacation. For young children at primary school, their parents will not have to find a maid to look after them during a long vacation. Usually their children will have about ten free days and so the whole family can go for a holiday together.
In conclusion, I believe that having a few short vacations is better than a long short one.
(374 words)
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I'm working on the conclusion (because I cannot end my essay in only one sentence!) and trying to add in some points. Although I have no idea about the points I'm going to add in, as well as the conclusion :-S
Good morning.
What is the prompt and/or instructions for this piece?
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
Ah, I'm really sorry, I missed some words :"> The topic is "It is better to have one long school vacation than to have a few short one. Do you agree?"
As a result of having nothing to do with too much free time, students - especially teenagers - tend to spend their time to hang out with friends, gossip, and some of them can commit crime. A short break will not give them this free time: they have to come back to school before they find that they have nothing else to do during their vacation. For young children at primary school, their parents will not have to find a maid to look after them during a long vacation. Usually their children will have about ten free days and so the whole family can go for a holiday together.
In conclusion, I believe that having a few short vacations is better than a long short one."
Nice response to the prompt.
Do you think the way I organized this essay is ok? I feel that I kept repeating myself in some points...
Anyway, I've decided that I should end this essay with this only sentence :( I really don't have anything to add in :(
I think your organization is fine. You start off with a good introduction followed by a body that explains your opinions, and a nice, tidy conclusion. As to redundancy, I don't think you repeat yourself as much as you are clarifying your opinions and explaining your examples. I like the concluding sentence just as it is also. :)
