Writing Feedback / IELTS: Prize money and fame as motivation to sporting champions [5]

In the past, sporting champions used to be motivated primarily by the desire to win a match or to break world records. These days, they are more likely to be motivated by prize money and the opportunity to be famous.

What message does this send to young people and how does this attitude to sport affect the sports itself?
Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience (at least 250 words)

***Hi all, would appreciate any comments on grammar and point elaboration. Thanks!

Previously, the sporting stars used to be motivated by their strong desire to win a competition or to break world records. Nowadays, their motivation no longer derived from inner motivation but externally from prize money and chances to become well-known. What does this has to say to the young athlete? How does this shift of attitude affect the sport itself?

In the past, young athletes whom choose sport as their career often subject themselves to much uncertainty - whether the career in sport would bring stability and sustainability in the long run? This has greatly discourages the athletes and perhaps affect their motivation considerably. By introducing prize money and giving them an opportunity to attain fame has indirectly send a message of career stability and prospects in the sport industry. With this change, the uncertainty is no longer viewed as hindrances for them to strive for excellence in the profession as great performance in sport will certainly bring about lucrative rewards. However, this approach may eventually promote gratification of materialism and hedonism if not carefully introduced. It may become a stumbling block for their sporting career as they get distracted to pursue money and fame rather than focusing on strive for excellence in sport.

In order for an athlete to win or break world records in a competition, one must be greatly motivated to attain that goal. In other words, the motivation must be great enough for them to do the extraordinary. Besides having the inward desire to win, external motivators such as money and fame can be an add-on factor to push an athlete to strive for more. I believe by encouraging such excellent spirit will bring about excellent performance in sport.

To conclude, sport industry has grown to become an industry with better long term career prospect and stability since the introduction of prize money and opportunity to be famous. It has definitely motivates the athletes to push themselves to greater height. With this change, I am awaiting the birth of many more sport stars that are yet to shine brightly in the sport arena.

Writing Feedback / Access to defendants' past criminal record - helpful and fair or not? [4]

In task 2, candidates are asked to write an essay in response to a point of view, argument or problem. The issues raised are of general interest to, suitable for and easily understood by candidates entering undergraduate or postgraduate studies or seeking professional registration. Work limit is at least 250 words.

Depending on the task type, candidates are assessed on their ability to present a solution to a problem to present and justify an opinion; to compare and contrast evidence, opinions and implications; to evaluate and challenge ideas, evidence or argument.

Marking: Candidates are assessed on their performance on each task by certified IELTS examiners according to the 4 criteria of the IELTS Writing Test Band Descriptors (task acheivement/response, coherence and cohesion, lexical resource, grammatical range and accuracy).

I appreciate any comment on my writing. Thanks!

Under British and Australian laws a jury in a criminal case has no access to information about the defendants' past criminal record. This protects the person who is being accused of the crime.

Some lawyers have suggested that this practice should be changed and that a jury should be given all the past facts before they reach their decision about the case.

Do you agree or disagree?

The current British and Australian laws under a judiciary system, does not allow access to defendant's previous criminal record during a trial. I believe these laws are in placed on the ground that "a defendant is innocent unless proven guilty". However, some lawyers strongly oppose them and insist on a reform to allow prosecutor to present defendant's past criminal record as part of juries' consideration before reaching a verdict of the case. They argue that previous records reflects high propensity of the defendant to recommit a crime.

Nonetheless, the lawyers' arguments are not without any basis. It is true that ex-convict has higher tendency to recidivate. "Recidivism", according to an online source, "Wikipedia", is explained simply as the percentage of former convict to commit a crime again. There is a recent national study in the United States showing 70% of the ex-convicts ended up in the jail again several years later after their release. The main cause for recidivism is believed to be difficulties in re-integrating back into the society. Considering a high statistical significance in recommitting a crime among ex-prisoners, it is vital to present defendant's past criminal record in court to strengthen the basis for prosecution.

On the other hand, many contend that by presenting past records, it may cloud or sway the mind of the juries. Due to large proportion of juries made up of commoners, in other words, people of the non-law related profession, who may be judging a defendant based on a pre-conception derived from the previous criminal records which may not be true. However, the juries are people chosen through careful and stringent selection process. They are picked to act the role of weighing evidence and testimony to determine if facts presented are true and can be taken as proof. If so, I believe the juries will carefully weight the defendant's past criminal records to be considered relevant or not to the case without prejudice or biasness.

I agree that the current law should reveal the defendant's past criminal record in court due to the higher rate of recidivism among ex-prisoners and the faith that we have in our wise juries to reach a rational verdict. I believe in doing so, there will be more justice in place. The security and the life of the public will be more protected as well.