Undergraduate / "America can change. Yes we can." UC #1 [5]

This is the essay i wrote to answer the UC prompt 1, please provide insight, correct grammar errors, or give any suggestions to improve the content of this essay! Thank You in Advance!

"America can change. Yes we can."
Barack Obama is my definition of change. He overcame monumental odds, shattered the unbreakable barriers of race, fought through adversity and all while maintaining a great presence of leadership. I want to be like Obama, I want to break though the barriers that have surrounded me since the day I was born.

Since my youth, I have attended schools that compose largely of Vietnamese Americans. Many families, much like my own, have fled prejudice from our homelands in search for freedom and opportunity. Majority of these people now reside in the City of Orange County California, mainly in Westminster and Garden Grove area. My family and I are among those people who have clustered themselves because of the culture familiarity and the comfort that comes hand in hand, but I am ready for a change. For the past 17 years of my life, I have always been surrounded by the same ethnic traditions, the same cultures, and stuck in the same nest but I am ready to spread my wings and venture into the unknown. Whether I fall short and plummet to my death or successfully glide through the air, I am determined to be the many few that inflict change in my community.

I have endured the hardships of adjusting to a new culture, persevered through the language barrier and succeeded. I am the first generation from my family to attend college and possess the opportunity to impose change. My parents and I have difficult times communicating because they cannot speak the language but what they lack in words make up with immense support. I do not want to be pitied by anyone because I come from an uneducated background or that my parent does not speak English; rather, I demand respect! I have persevered through all the hardships, learned to be independent and established a solid work ethic all by myself.

I am slowly chipping away at the barrier that surrounds me; I have in my hands determination and hard-work as my primary tools to completely demolish the sphere. My goal and aspiration for life is to constitute change for myself, my family and my community. I will be different, I will make a difference, I will succeed, Yes, I can!

Undergraduate / UC(#2) "Pushed Over the Edge" [3]

This may be the final draft for my admission essay, can someone please give insight, correct grammar errors please. Thank You in Advance!

Pushed Over the Edge
"When you grow up, you going to be a doctor, a DOCTOR!"
Even before I had the chance choose a career, my path has already been pre-determined by my mother. Her incessant pleas however, were finally put to silence when I visited Yosemite National Park for the first time in my life.

"Ready, Set, Fight!" My arms tense and palms moist, I quickly struck the controller at full force. I had been playing on my Super-Nintendo that entire morning. My mom walks into the living room, calling out my name but I was so fixated on the game, I reluctantly answered. Before I had the chance to, she plants herself in front of the television and imposed her authority over me. She told me that I had to get dress because we were heading to Yosemite National Park. I despise the idea of leaving the comfort of my home to a place that I have never been to or even heard of. I prefer the familiarity of my surroundings and as a result I protest against this atrocity, however; my mom begs to differ. She claims the park has a "spectacular view that will be life-changing." Believing that she was merely reading that off the brochure, I strongly doubt her and with little that I could do, headed toward my room to change.

As we got closer to the park, the lights from the city slowly began to fade and the pure essence of nature appeared. The park ranger guides us to many different places; one site in particular that I find very enticing is the Bridal Veils Waterfall, a 620 foot drop that is magnificent in both size and view. Amidst the constant pounding of the waters violently onto the rocks, I felt a sense of warm that engulfed my entire body. My mind was bewildered at the marvelous view. The unbelievable sight quickly destroyed any skepticism I had about the trip. This experience was beyond comparison to anything I have ever felt. It had provided me with a different perspective on life. I have accepted the situation, understood what I have come to learn and used that experience to further impact my life. The path that I am destined to take is no longer of importance to me but rather the amount of growth I can acquire on that path. During this trip to Yosemite National Park, my outlook has matured and I as well.

Sadly, the week came to an abrupt end as I was already heading back home. The trip was definitely "life-changing" as my mom had said it would be. As we approached our apartment complex, what was once very spacious, was now microscopic compared to the things I saw that day. I glanced over at where the Super-Nintendo had been, remembering the countless hours spent playing games, but now the only violent things I saw were the crashing of the waterfalls. I felt confined in the walls around me and I desired to be outside. I was then aware that my preference had completely changed. I was astonished by the experience and the effects it had on me. The optimistic side of life became very clear; I saw the variety of possibilities in the future and I truly feel that I can overcome anything.

There is always a sense of joy whenever I reminisce about the trip to Yosemite National Park. I hope to come back one day and experience the same breakthroughs that have greatly impacted my life. As for my mom, she no longer wants me to be a doctor but...

"When you grow up, make LOTS and LOTS of money!"

Undergraduate / UC ADMISSION ESSAY: YOSEMITE NATIONAL PARK [2]

Prompt #2 (all applicants)

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

Essay

"When you grow up, you're going to become a doctor, a DOCTOR!"

Even before I had the chance choose a career, my path had already been predetermined by my mother. Her incessant pleas however, were finally put to silence when I visited Yosemite National Park for the first time in my life.

"Ready, set, fight!" With my arms tense and palms moist, I quickly struck the controller at full force. I had been playing my Super Nintendo gaming console that entire morning when my mother walked into the living room and called out my name. Because I was so fixated on the activity at hand, I reluctantly answered. Before I had the chance to object, she planted herself in front of the television and imposed her authority over me. She told me that I had to be dressed because we were heading to Yosemite National Park. I despised the idea of leaving the comfort of my home to a place that I have never been to or even heard of before. I prefer the familiarity of my surroundings and as a result, I protested against this sudden decision. However, my mom begged to differ; she claimed the park had a "spectacular view that would be life-changing." Believing that she merely read from the brochure, I strongly doubted her but with little that I could do, I headed toward my room to change.

As we approached Yosemite National Park, the view of the city slowly began to fade away until all one could see was a multiple of trees. Once we arrived, a park ranger guided us to many different locations; one site in particular that I found very enticing was the Bridal Veils Waterfall. It had been described as a 620 foot drop that is was truly magnificent in both terms of size and view. Amidst the constant pounding of the waters, I felt a warm sensation that engulfed my entire body; my mind was in awe at the marvelous view. The unbelievable sight quickly removed any regrets that I had about the trip. This experience was beyond comparison to anything I have ever felt; it had provided me with a different perspective on life. I accepted the situation, understood what I came to learn, and used that experience to further influence my life. The actual path that I am destined to take is no longer of importance to me but rather the amount of growth that I can acquire on that path. During this trip to Yosemite National Park, my outlook on life matured and I along with it.

Sadly, the week came to an abrupt end as I returned home. The trip was definitely life-changing as my mother had said it would be. As we approached our apartment complex which in my mind was once very spacious, was now microscopic compared to the things I saw that day at Yosemite National Park. I felt confined in the walls around me and I desired to be outside. I was then aware that my preference had completely changed; I was astonished by the experience and the effects it had on me. The optimistic side of life became very clear as I saw the variety of possibilities in the future and I truly believed that I could have overcome anything obstacles.

There is always a sense of joy whenever I reminisce about my trip to Yosemite National Park. I am proud of how much growth I accumulated on that day and the optimistic view that was established in place of my indifferent views continues to shine to this day. I hope to come back one day and experience the same breakthroughs that have greatly impacted my life. As for my mom mother, she no longer wants me to be a doctor but...

"When you grow up, make LOTS and LOTS of money!"