Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by yas rose
Joined: May 17, 2011
Last Post: Jun 6, 2011
Threads: 2
Posts: 11  

From: Iran

Displayed posts: 13
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yas rose   
Jun 6, 2011
Undergraduate / "Everything will be okay, Father" - Pharmacy personal statement [3]

and therefore / therefor, ... omit and.use one of them
ather had suffered a severe heart attack the night before and was recovering.The night before my father was makeing recovery from strock.recovery is the singular noun/

fell in love with some one .definitely for person.
In my viwe the topic has nothing to do with the concept of writing.the intoduction has little romantic tune while the body is about your wishes or goal and some names that are meaningless or in the other word unduly,.I thought you had better to determind your purpose of writing in advance.whether is your father or your favourit major? the conclusion is far too diffrent from the intoduction that I read at the begining .I got confused.YOU know ;)

I tend to think you could have named of your father as a prominent or crucial motivation.

wish you luck mai pham
yas rose   
Jun 6, 2011
Writing Feedback / An Unforgettable Dream (marriage and death) [9]

dear rosalin
I know news is U.C and singular but I tend to think that you should add (a) after such like, such a surprising news.omit (that),

I was going to get married>>such a surprising news.I was suppose to get marry.
I felt so shocked>> since it was beyond my expectation(mind),I was shocked.
the family of groom or the groom`s family
came to my house, conversing about the wedding party.I made some changes here.
yet he came up with a refusal and wanted to..uncleared!!!seems wrong to me. I thought he was reluctent to get marry me."What if he would deny himself".I wished.or I was thinking to myself it would be great if he would refuse to marry.

that guy asked me whether or not I agreed with his idea.he asked me whether I was agreed with his idea or not."

I replied I totally agree with his idea.I definitely agree or I am definitely for your suggestion
In terms of grammer( indrect and direct speach). the accurate usage of conjuction. I hope it helps you rosalin;)wish you luck
yas rose   
Jun 5, 2011
Research Papers / Method section (psychology research methods course) - apa research paper [3]

A 2x2 within-subjects design was used for this experiment(Used )or you need to write passive form such as had or have been
used). I believe you have better to make your sentences shorter in advance, makeing the text more clear).Your intruction is not interesting enough for reader to fallow your essay,I think your porpuse is not bright.You must say why they have been examined?just fore course credit? do you mean" certificate"?you should imply the reason.

Sixteen undergraduate studentsd)It is vague.I made some changes if I `ve undrestand your intoduction ...Now a days or recently having certificate or being qualified or what ever you mean is extreamly necessary therefore,some university such as California,,,,has required or examined both genders between the age 19 and 22 . please determine introdaction,body and conclusion,it is easier to fallow.

wish you luck;)
yas rose   
May 27, 2011
Writing Feedback / What changes should be made in U.S public education? [3]

dear kathy
is considered(AS),you need as after consider,one of the best (one of the prominent system or high quality education),in compared (in comparsion with), you have stareted your essay with Although,and after comma the rest of the senteses has nothing to do with that.you need to say although the usa.... ,it has down side aswell or s.th like this.For the biginig you suddenly wrote in our country,first of all it`s better you write in MY country then you should make clear your introduction and then in body goes through your country or what ever as an good example,,,Our students are lack of motivation in learning( are not motivated for studing),as well as usually it used after the series of noun,it means (and)but not inthis way.The perpositio after cause is not (of )it is(To).

To tell you the truth, I tend to think that you know the plenty of english words;however,you are not mastered enough to know how to use them together,you jast use all of them while thay aren`t meaningful leading to being confusing for readers,you had better to modify your essay more.Write it more structive may bring obout being clerar.I believe if your eaay was simple but meaninful was better.In this case readers can find the key words quickly an your porpuse aswell.

I hope it helps you.Wish you luck.
yas rose   
May 27, 2011
Writing Feedback / The external elements have dominated the features of everyone? Characteristics. [5]

Topic: Research indicates that the characteristic taht we are born with has much more influence on personality and development that any experiences that may have in our life

my essay

Some people argue that the external elements have dominated the features of everyone that inherits genetically. Regarding this, there is a massive number of theories have been issued thus far. The question is which one of these two factors, nature and nurture, is more effective on forming the character of each person. In this essay, the influence of nurture is far out weights than nature.

There is a speculation that imply, not only genes but also the mental and physical disposition of both genders prior to fertilizing the male`s see into the eggs ensure a crucial influence on characteristics. For instance, it is imperative whether the woman and the man love each other, whether they are using drug or alcohol etc.; however, there is not adequate evidence to support this theory. It has not confirmed for certain yet.

It is undeniable that every one carries the number of genes that has been inherited by their parents; however, statistics have illustrated the environment has the major influence. The examination on several twins who have been raised in various environments reveals the fact that definite effects of nature are refuted. Although the twins had varied many common gens, their upbringing under two divers set of circumstances leading to becoming extremely disparate; moreover, I tend to think that the role of peers, teachers, workplaces as well as education should not be neglected. On the basis of my experience there is a large number of siblings who are significantly different. There is no similarity can be observed on their behavior since they were associated with various people.

In the final analysis, I believe that the influence of nurturing is more major than nature.
Thank you for your attention and helping.
Pleas correct my essay and let me know I which one is correct ?(there is a massive number or there are a massive number?) ( there are a large number of siblings or there is a large number of siblings?)
yas rose   
May 26, 2011
Graduate / Statement of Purpose for UK universities - MSc in Computer Science [5]

dear john
I believe that your intoduction is poor and to some extent is vague aswell,It was better if you expressed it more clear.for instance, why we are reading,what your porpuse is. Apart from gramatic mistakes,the concetion words that you have used is not adequate,that is why you have repeated " I do this, I do that".etc.The words are in wrong places.For example,after the proposition" to" instead of accurate verb you wrote noun.( I learned how to effectively communicate to/with students)I learned a lot about how computers operate(I extreamly/significantly/greatly learndge about operating the computer.you stuck in one structure, you need to show-off your language and your knowledge more".Further more "usualy is used in midle of the sentences(.Another thing that shows../the other reason)

I hope it helps you ,wish you luck
yas rose   
May 23, 2011
Writing Feedback / The sense of competition in children: co-operate rather than compete? [5]

TOPIC: Some people think that the sense of competition in children should be encouraged.Other believe that children who are taught to co-oprate rather than compete become more useful adult.

My essay

Today, the accurate education is considered as a crucial affair for having more productive adult .Regarding this , there are two different perspectives .Some people argue that children should be trained for co-operating in various communities while there are a number of people who believe that creating the sense of competition is a convenient solution .This essay reveals the fact that teaching the methods of contributing contains more advantages as a result.

It could be accepted that rivalry may bring about increasing the independency in each person or causes everyone to make progress personally ;however, there is a little evidence to support that .For instance ,although the feeling of achieving all honors individually may be pleasant for each person, the strong feeling of weakness in failures should not be neglected ; moreover ,competition usually is associated with the sense of envy leading to taking an immoral action against others such as ,dismissing someone from work.

Coop rating is one of the most prominent elements for living .I tend to think that children should be taught if they are to be part of society . statistics has illustrated that team-working has more positive aspects .such as diminishing the pressure especially in hard ships ,working eagerly and peacefully as well .Since they are informed they have direct influence on the other members of group ,so they assume their responsibilities much better .By this I mean to say that they are more helpful and hard working .According to some researches the rate of violence is lower among them and they are greatly happier .They have high self confidence in comparison with the other group who are on competition basis .

In the final analysis, I believe children become more capable when they are taught to co-operate rather than compete.
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