Please check my grammars, word choices, paragraphs, punctuations, and many other errors. Any reader's suggestions would be great help for my writing. Thanks
Topic: If you are granted changes in U.S public education, what would they be?
Answer:
Although public education in the U.S is considered one of the best educational systems in the world, our rate of school poor performance is high in compared with other countries. Our students are lack of motivation in learning. So if I am asked to make changes in the U.S public education, I would add school tuition from K-12 as well as reward students with best average grades. These new changes would help them to perform better at school and foster a sense of competition.
Many parents glance at the changes and may disagree with them, worrying how they could afford tuition for their children. However, in order to maintain education's availability for everyone, the new law would also lower parents' deduction on their paychecks. Besides, school payment can be credited on parents' income tax return. This guarantees that the new law is not an economic burden for parents; rather it offers them an opportunity sharing their responsibility to the community. They must be aware that their money would be wasted if their children drop out of school. Therefore, the tuition motivates parents contribute more time helping their children at home with school works.
In addition to having the school fee, the new law is also supporting schools giving cash or other kinds of financial rewards to students who have 3.9 or 4.0 GPA. The idea, at first, may seem turning students into unabashed capitalists too early in life. Nevertheless, it intends to encourage young people excel academically. In some developed countries, parents need to pay their children's education, and at early age, the children in those countries acknowledge that going to school is their privilege and so is their duty. Therefore, they show a great degree of success at school.
Some people would assume that educational incentive can create competition and might cause of school stress for young students. Indeed, competition boosts their energy and prepares students ahead of time. Recently, analysis shows that the vast majority America's top high school science competitors are the children of new immigrants. This little information reflects that those students who either born in the U.S or emigrate from other countries have been well-trained to work hard at school while native students haven't recognized its importance. If they do not prepare to be competitive, they will soon hit with the high achievers and get left behind, suffering from academic failures.
In essence, the changes might be new to some parents and students, but they are practical in many countries in the world with a great success. It is time to introduce to our students the old concept that they may not know: any hard work is rewarding. Realizing how important competition is, students will be more productive at school. After all, paying for college is agreeable, so why wouldn't we apply the same policy for K-12.
dear kathy
is considered(AS),you need as after consider,one of the best (one of the prominent system or high quality education),in compared (in comparsion with), you have stareted your essay with Although,and after comma the rest of the senteses has nothing to do with that.you need to say although the usa.... ,it has down side aswell or s.th like this.For the biginig you suddenly wrote in our country,first of all it`s better you write in MY country then you should make clear your introduction and then in body goes through your country or what ever as an good example,,,Our students are lack of motivation in learning( are not motivated for studing),as well as usually it used after the series of noun,it means (and)but not inthis way.The perpositio after cause is not (of )it is(To).
To tell you the truth, I tend to think that you know the plenty of english words;however,you are not mastered enough to know how to use them together,you jast use all of them while thay aren`t meaningful leading to being confusing for readers,you had better to modify your essay more.Write it more structive may bring obout being clerar.I believe if your eaay was simple but meaninful was better.In this case readers can find the key words quickly an your porpuse aswell.
I hope it helps you.Wish you luck.
... is high in compared comparison with other countries.
or
...is high compared with other countries.
Either of the above sentences is correct. BUT do not write "in compared"...
Our students are lack of motivation in learning.
Many parents glance at the changes and may disagree with them, worrying about how...
...an opportunity to share their...
The idea, at first, may seem turning students into unabashed capitalists too early in life. ---Hahahahah, I like this part...
Some people would assume that educational incentive can create competition and might cause of school stress for young students.
In essence, the changes might be new to some parents and students, but they are practical, and in many countries in the world they bring great success.
Good ideas, Kathy! I think it will also be good if we raise the standards and salaries we use for early education teachers and hire only the ones who excel in methods for creating lifelong learners and ensuring that students have good early education experiences. :-)
