wn2870
Jul 30, 2011
Writing Feedback / Japan: special interest/passion+ how you have developed knowledge in these area? [7]
Thanks Kevin! I should try it.
Thanks Kevin! I should try it.
wn2870
Jul 29, 2011
Writing Feedback / TOEFL:Admittedly,advertising has exerted a negative influence on peoples' food choice [4]
Hello. It's just a little advice.
Your topic is 'Advertising is the only main cause of unhealthy eating habits'.
I wrote this when i prepared TOEFL.
I think you are not focusing on the topic in paragraph 2~4.
Topic is asking whether or not advertising is the only main cause of unhealthy eating habits.
, but you analysed why people have unhealthy eating habits.
But I think the first paragraph is really nice.
Hello. It's just a little advice.
Your topic is 'Advertising is the only main cause of unhealthy eating habits'.
I wrote this when i prepared TOEFL.
I think you are not focusing on the topic in paragraph 2~4.
Topic is asking whether or not advertising is the only main cause of unhealthy eating habits.
, but you analysed why people have unhealthy eating habits.
But I think the first paragraph is really nice.
wn2870
Jul 29, 2011
Writing Feedback / TOEFL - Ambitious dreams are better than realistic goals. [7]
The bigger dream people have, the greater success they made ; this is a correct sentence.
Above sentence has two subjects and two verbs, however, it is correct.
I don't know why. But you can use <The comparative S V, the comparative S V>
example: The more you change, the less you feel. (lyrics from smashing pumpkins-Tonight, tonight)
The bigger dream people have, the greater success they made ; this is a correct sentence.
Above sentence has two subjects and two verbs, however, it is correct.
I don't know why. But you can use <The comparative S V, the comparative S V>
example: The more you change, the less you feel. (lyrics from smashing pumpkins-Tonight, tonight)
wn2870
Jul 29, 2011
Writing Feedback / Japan: special interest/passion+ how you have developed knowledge in these area? [7]
Thanks csv8675xn! Your advices were really helpful :)
Thanks csv8675xn! Your advices were really helpful :)
wn2870
Jul 29, 2011
Writing Feedback / TOEFL - Ambitious dreams are better than realistic goals. [7]
Hello. It's just a little advice.
<Dream is bigger, success is bigger, too.>
I would use 'When their dream is bigger, success is bigger.'
A sentence can has only one subject and one verb. You used two subject and two verb in a sentence.
<However, I claim that realistic goals are better than the others.>
Others are vague. I would use the ambitious goals. You should clarify that.
Hello. It's just a little advice.
<Dream is bigger, success is bigger, too.>
I would use 'When their dream is bigger, success is bigger.'
A sentence can has only one subject and one verb. You used two subject and two verb in a sentence.
<However, I claim that realistic goals are better than the others.>
Others are vague. I would use the ambitious goals. You should clarify that.
wn2870
Jul 29, 2011
Undergraduate / "Enrich the environment at the University"- a 200 words admission essay [2]
Hello. Can you give me any advice?
< Describe how you plan to enrich the environment at the LDS Church University you hope to attend, and how you will contribute back to your family, community and the Church upon leaving this school. >
As a student from Korea, I will bring my unique cultural, social background and thinking to BYU; I'm eager to listen to and understand other students' thoughts. Also, I plan to help students who learn Korean and Japanese, sharing how I studied languages by myself in Internet. I look forward to share my optimism and open-minded personality with people around me. Besides, with much diligence and dedication, I will participate in a variety of Latter-day Saint activities.
Upon leaving BYU, I will continue to make every effort to be a competent electrical engineer who is needed by our society. A new developed technology from a single, competent engineer can become an opportunity to change the entire society, like the examples of cars, semiconductors, and computers. I will do my best to be an engineer who can create the added values, which result in essential outcome that could save the lives of over 10,000 people.
Hello. Can you give me any advice?
< Describe how you plan to enrich the environment at the LDS Church University you hope to attend, and how you will contribute back to your family, community and the Church upon leaving this school. >
As a student from Korea, I will bring my unique cultural, social background and thinking to BYU; I'm eager to listen to and understand other students' thoughts. Also, I plan to help students who learn Korean and Japanese, sharing how I studied languages by myself in Internet. I look forward to share my optimism and open-minded personality with people around me. Besides, with much diligence and dedication, I will participate in a variety of Latter-day Saint activities.
Upon leaving BYU, I will continue to make every effort to be a competent electrical engineer who is needed by our society. A new developed technology from a single, competent engineer can become an opportunity to change the entire society, like the examples of cars, semiconductors, and computers. I will do my best to be an engineer who can create the added values, which result in essential outcome that could save the lives of over 10,000 people.
wn2870
Jul 27, 2011
Writing Feedback / Japan: special interest/passion+ how you have developed knowledge in these area? [7]
Thank you very much!! aleafsun
Thank you very much!! aleafsun
wn2870
Jul 27, 2011
Essays / informational interview (trouble to write an introduction about myself and my career) [3]
Hi.
Why don't you check essays about self-introduction in this site?
It was very helpful for me.
Hi.
Why don't you check essays about self-introduction in this site?
It was very helpful for me.
wn2870
Jul 27, 2011
Essays / How do you start a Personal Narrative? (using a theme from the book, "The Alchemist") [3]
Hi.
I think the theme you choose is appropriate to write personal narrative.
Didn't your teacher tell you how long should your essay be?
When I was in high school, my personal narrative was a A4-size page in length.
Hi.
I think the theme you choose is appropriate to write personal narrative.
Didn't your teacher tell you how long should your essay be?
When I was in high school, my personal narrative was a A4-size page in length.
wn2870
Jul 27, 2011
Writing Feedback / Japan: special interest/passion+ how you have developed knowledge in these area? [7]
Hello! this is a 200 word essay. Can you give me any advice?
Japanese music has been the biggest passion of my life from elementary school. Since then, learning Japanese language has become a part of my daily life as I felt a desire to figure out the meaning of lyrics. Songs with cultural feeling that is distinctly Japanese dominated my adolescence.
To better understand the cradle of Japanese music, I continued to travel across Japan: Fukuoka in 2005, Osaka in 2009, and Tokyo in 2010. Although I had to scrimp and save all year for the travel, it was worth every penny; I was able to experience a unique culture, make dear friends, and see one of the greatest artists that i admired for years in person.
Also, to introduce life-changing masterpieces to all over the world, I've been uploading dozens of Japanese music videos with lyrics translated to English on Youtube. Striving to improve my English ability has been ceaseless to translate lyrics retaining the linguistic subtleties. I will continue to introduce Japanese music all over the world while in college and thereafter.
Hello! this is a 200 word essay. Can you give me any advice?
Japanese music has been the biggest passion of my life from elementary school. Since then, learning Japanese language has become a part of my daily life as I felt a desire to figure out the meaning of lyrics. Songs with cultural feeling that is distinctly Japanese dominated my adolescence.
To better understand the cradle of Japanese music, I continued to travel across Japan: Fukuoka in 2005, Osaka in 2009, and Tokyo in 2010. Although I had to scrimp and save all year for the travel, it was worth every penny; I was able to experience a unique culture, make dear friends, and see one of the greatest artists that i admired for years in person.
Also, to introduce life-changing masterpieces to all over the world, I've been uploading dozens of Japanese music videos with lyrics translated to English on Youtube. Striving to improve my English ability has been ceaseless to translate lyrics retaining the linguistic subtleties. I will continue to introduce Japanese music all over the world while in college and thereafter.
