Posts by langers1

langers1

Aug 24, 2011

Writing Feedback / CLEP essay "Teachers are responsible for motivating students". [3]

Thank you, your corrections will be very helpful. I find these types of essay questions difficult mostly because I too often look at both sides equally and have trouble expressing the grey area I tend to settle into. This is an enormously valuable forum and I am glad I came across it!

langers1

Aug 23, 2011

Essays / Pros & cons of separation vs. divorce (input on the subject) [14]

What an incredible interaction that was! Linmark, there certainly is drama in this topic isn't there! I was completely enthralled and could hardly wait for the next reply! Perhaps as a dysfunctional American I am ill equipped to have a position on this subject as Rajiv seems to imply but I come from a broken family and can see what you were aiming for. I also am in a secure marriage of ten years that has no hint of ending in my lifetime and I know many other couples living in this culture who are also in forever marriages which I hope gives Rajiv a little more optimistic view of our society!

I would suggest that if you are looking for comedy that you stay away from heated topics like religion. And although people like Rajiv might benefit by understanding or considering that many separations and divorces are caused by devastating acts of abuse in which some victims can never fully recover and others do not survive (and in which so many children suffer neglect and abuse) simply for the sake of "keeping the marriage". Instead I would stick to a story of everyday life with the separation issue creating interesting twists in the outcome or solution. For instance suppose a preteen daughter embarrassingly slits the seem of her pants and it is dads week and dad does not know anything about buying girls clothes or mom has to help coach the sons football team and knows nothing about football. Another idea might be to talk about the process of the couples return to marriage from the separation and the sense of hummer they have gained and the old adage "distance makes the heart grow fonder". In any case a story of drama and turmoil may be just as successful as my fascination of the dialogue above seems to prove. Good luck and I'd love to hear what you come up with!

Oops, it seems that I also lost track of the original question! I think my points are still valid and hopefully helpful but I forgot that you were considering the pros and cons of separation and divorce. A good comparison of the two would mostly involve the end product; separation would end in a return to the marriage and both parties united as one, hopefully better for it, while divorce is intended to end in two separate individuals moving along separate paths in life. Again I would still stick to the aforementioned plan of keeping it light unless you do decide to go for the dramatic angle. Good Luck!

langers1

Aug 23, 2011

Writing Feedback / CLEP - Individual Opportunity: Myth or Reality? [4]

Thank you! As you mentioned improvements I was able to see right away what you meant. And I thank you for your complement as well, though any one who knows me also knows that I am quite absentminded when it comes to writing and rhetoric. Just another one of those things that is in the eye of the beholder I suppose. I hope I can return the favor and be as much help to another,thank you again!

langers1

Aug 23, 2011

Undergraduate / "musical waters of Hindustani" - Gutsy/Unconventional Common App Essay [4]

There are several gender switches to look out for.
Surprised at her seemingly infinite tolerance, one day, I bluntly ask him why she remains patient towards me.

All together this was a very good essay I learned something new and enjoyed the story. The introduction was a wonderful hook and the conclusion is well on it's way. You might round it out by including something along the lines of... I, on the other hand, have left the soothing, musical waters of Hindustani and my tale of growing up on those musical notes, and return to the cold December morning. A small change like that would help tie everything together and reinforce the body of the essay. Good luck and I hope this helps.

langers1

Aug 23, 2011

Writing Feedback / CLEP essay "Teachers are responsible for motivating students". [3]

I am using essay suggestions I see here, at this forum, to practice for the CLEP I will shortly be taking. It is the College Composition essay test for my English 150 credit. I am doing it within the 30 min. time limit. Any help is appreciated. Thanks.

Teachers are responsible for motivating students to learn. To what extent you agree or disagree?

As a student and a parent I have an interesting viewpoint from which to consider whether or not it is a teachers' responsibility to motivate myself or my children as students. First of all what kind of motivation is needed and the methods used could be taken into account. The extant of the motivation and the expected outcome should be considered. Finally the individuals' needs and limitations could be looked into. How these questions are answered could play a large role in who takes responsibility for motivation in the classroom.

A hundred years ago the preferred method of scholastic motivation is often portrayed as being corporal punishment. A ruler across the knuckles was many a child's experience. Although this method may have kept many children on task in the class it would hardly be approved of in today's age. On the other hand all fun and no work may keep a students' interest it certainly is the teachers responsibility to keep the focus on the task at hand, namely the curriculum.

The lessons that are expected to be taught also play a role in the atmosphere of the class and the teachers' ability to motivate the students in their charge. We would not expect first grade children to studiously study the electron configurations of the elements as we would also not expect a college student to repeat the alphabet numerous times. The lesson must fit the student as well as possible. Many a subject can become interesting merely on the fact that it pertains to the lives of the students it is taught to.

Finally the limitations of the individual are paramount to the information they can absorb. Age, ability and even the home life of the student can greatly affect the level of success a person can achieve. As I mentioned we would not expect a first grader to study electron configuration nor a college student to find the alphabet of interest.

The teachers responsibility in regard to motivating their class is certainly limited by factors outside of their control such as a students' ability, the material they are expected to teach and the home life of the student; and yet they are expected to keep the interest of every student in their charge. I believe that as a society we must recognize these limitations and help students and teachers balance these needs. As they say "It takes a village to raise a child".

langers1

Aug 23, 2011

Writing Feedback / CLEP - Individual Opportunity: Myth or Reality? [4]

I already noticed there for should be therefore, the word well is not needed in the 2nd para. 2nd sent. The quotation marks around crimes to humanity may be unnecessary. The 3rd and 2nd sent. in the 3rd para. could be switched. I did not expand as much as I would have liked to in the conclusion. I also fear that I may have missed the mark a little on the actual topic. Any feedback is much appreciated:)

langers1

Aug 23, 2011

Writing Feedback / "make my parents proud" - Unusual Circumstances Essay [4]

A very good read, by the end I only wanted more!

There were very few grammar or spelling errors to take away from the flow. One improvement might be to state the hardships a little more simply and to expand on your accomplishments and future plans a little more.

Good luck and much success!

langers1

Aug 23, 2011

Writing Feedback / CLEP - Individual Opportunity: Myth or Reality? [4]

I did this practice essay within the 30 min. time limit for the first College Composition essay of the Clep.

Individual Opportunity: Myth or Reality

Each individual in every moment of their lives exists in perpetual motion consisting of choices or opportunities. One could say that opportunity is merely a state of mind when facing these choices. Does this make an individuals' opportunity a myth?

Throughout history people have faced incredible choices that became great opportunities. As one studies the events surrounding a persons' historic opportunity, it may well come to light that the individuals' opportunity was a myth and depended completely on their perceptions. Take for instance Hitler, during WWII Hitler engaged in genocide among other "crimes to humanity". As an individual Hitler may well have believed that he was faced with a great opportunity to alter the world for what he believed was the better. Was this opportunity a myth or real? What happened to all of those people was most certainly real, but Hitler's' view that what he did was due to an opportunity is a myth. It may be generally accepted that his actions were twisted and horrible; the "opportunity" was simply his state of mind, his opinion of a choice.

As an individual I could say that I have faced many opportunities. But alas, if I had not been in the right state of mind at the time would I have even seen the opportunity? I am the mother of four children and I chose to go to college, was this really an opportunity or did I make a choice. Were the events that led to my decision real or a myth?

I believe that opportunity is a state of mind, a way of feeling about the choices one makes there for it is a myth, a belief more than anything else.