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Pros & cons of separation vs. divorce (input on the subject)

linmark 2 / 328 7  
Aug 14, 2011   #1
Hey, please everyone - give me input on how to make the above subject a roaring success and bestseller (lawllll.)
Would like to make this a comedy!! Any ideas???
Rajiv 55 / 400  
Aug 14, 2011   #2
I was watching an episode of a serial on TV.

A man, part of an Iranian delegation visiting Canada, wishes to defect. He sneaks out of his hotel, past the guards around .. apparantly they're necessary .. and takes off into the streets. He runs some blocks then frantically waves down a cab, fumbling in his pockets. Breathlessly he says to the driver ".. I have sixty-three dollars, can you take me to America !"

The driver, a black man gives him a look and seems to understand. He waves him into the cab " .. yea, just get in !". And soon they're speeding past a highway sign which says -- Niagara Falls 75 miles.

It brought that feeling back from long ago when "America" was all one wished to reach. The rest of the world, we believed, was all just too messed up. Beyond ever righting itself.
Rajiv 55 / 400  
Aug 15, 2011   #3
How did you see this turning into a comedy .. by mocking marriage ? !!

I guess you actually have very little idea what's really there behind those eyes, of people whom you see as successful in life !!!
OP linmark 2 / 328 7  
Aug 21, 2011   #4
HI Rajiv,
Actually no, I did not intend to mock marriage. I was hypothesizing that between marriage and divorce, separation was a preferred state of being together. You have no idea what is REALLY THERE anyway as you do not know whose eyes I am gazing into, much less what I see as successful in life. Perhaps sustaining a failed marriage by being separated is a far higher state of being (interbeing) than divorce. Living separately in peace (if not harmony) could also qualify as a higher state of being.

And I have no idea how what you posted previously had any relevance to the question posed. Peace. And chill man~!!!! No mud, no lotus!!
Rajiv 55 / 400  
Aug 22, 2011   #5
Divorce is a dysfunction of societies in developed countries -- nothing to look up to much less to emulate. That it is creeping into other cultures was my point in my own thread.

The earlier post of that guy frantically trying to get into America was a reminder that there are worlds out there, which are actually different from anything that people imagine them to be. Which applies mostly to you, looking out from your laced curtains. You're forgetting that almost everyone here is not from developed countries, but like my Iranian defector, only wishing to get there.
Rajiv 55 / 400  
Aug 22, 2011   #6
The picture coming to my mind is of a person falling off a cliff. You say, just hanging there .. ie somehow never hitting the bottom is preferable than hitting it. According to you, or the society you speak from, its only water down there, and one can swim awhile, thrash around a bit then climb out -- again.

Staying with the above analogy, not so in other cultures, those abjuring the idea of divorce altogether. The fall down the cliff is into a burning pit, or the waters too raging and turbulent that anyone comes out unscathed. Of course it is always both that fall in, but the guilt lies with the one that pulled them in, and is therefore also the one who should and probably is, the one that is eventually most burnt.
OP linmark 2 / 328 7  
Aug 23, 2011   #7
Hey Rajiv, I really value your input and your imagery is awesome. Help me out here - are you analogizing about divorce or marriage - my prompt was about divorce versus separation. I realize it may be between a rock and a hard place (or hell vs. heller as you obtusely put it) but there must be a soft spot somewhere. Imagine, divorce invokes legal issues like division of property or assets, whereas separation only requires separate lives, loves, distance. And allows for reconciliation under somewhat more congenial (hopefully) circumstances. Perhaps even beginning anew. I see separation as the ideal status; akin to not marrying in the first place, however difficult it may seem. Starting with the end in mind would appear wiser (in hindsight) although I can understand that the biological clock dictates marriage for child-birthing.

Discounting reproductive considerations, it is akin to an inverse equation.
Rajiv 55 / 400  
Aug 23, 2011   #8
Starting with the end in mind ..
.. it is akin to an inverse equation.

I don't think I will understand this without your explaining what you mean.
langers1 2 / 6  
Aug 23, 2011   #9
What an incredible interaction that was! Linmark, there certainly is drama in this topic isn't there! I was completely enthralled and could hardly wait for the next reply! Perhaps as a dysfunctional American I am ill equipped to have a position on this subject as Rajiv seems to imply but I come from a broken family and can see what you were aiming for. I also am in a secure marriage of ten years that has no hint of ending in my lifetime and I know many other couples living in this culture who are also in forever marriages which I hope gives Rajiv a little more optimistic view of our society!

I would suggest that if you are looking for comedy that you stay away from heated topics like religion. And although people like Rajiv might benefit by understanding or considering that many separations and divorces are caused by devastating acts of abuse in which some victims can never fully recover and others do not survive (and in which so many children suffer neglect and abuse) simply for the sake of "keeping the marriage". Instead I would stick to a story of everyday life with the separation issue creating interesting twists in the outcome or solution. For instance suppose a preteen daughter embarrassingly slits the seem of her pants and it is dads week and dad does not know anything about buying girls clothes or mom has to help coach the sons football team and knows nothing about football. Another idea might be to talk about the process of the couples return to marriage from the separation and the sense of hummer they have gained and the old adage "distance makes the heart grow fonder". In any case a story of drama and turmoil may be just as successful as my fascination of the dialogue above seems to prove. Good luck and I'd love to hear what you come up with!

Oops, it seems that I also lost track of the original question! I think my points are still valid and hopefully helpful but I forgot that you were considering the pros and cons of separation and divorce. A good comparison of the two would mostly involve the end product; separation would end in a return to the marriage and both parties united as one, hopefully better for it, while divorce is intended to end in two separate individuals moving along separate paths in life. Again I would still stick to the aforementioned plan of keeping it light unless you do decide to go for the dramatic angle. Good Luck!
OP linmark 2 / 328 7  
Aug 24, 2011   #10
Apples, my BAD - shoulda been functions (see en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inverse_function#Self-inverses)
Look at the imagery in the graphs and go into the subcon to intuit the male and female aspects in the forms. Then interpolate time and life events onto the function (in some numeric form of heavy/light, strong/weak) to get an idea of what I mean.

As for beginning with the end in mind, that refers to the ideal end-state. This very much depends on one's subjective starting position. If you see male/female as being two sides of the same coin, then actually separation or divorce is irrelevant (especially if you have kids.) If you see male/female as separate beings, then separation and divorce are actually the same thing as well. That is what I meant by inverse functions.

Hope this answered your Q, Raj.

Shaugna, thanks for very good input. Your last paragraph was a ripper (good in aussietalk!!)
Rajiv 55 / 400  
Sep 3, 2011   #11

Don't like to leave this discussion hanging.

We obviously have different ideas about 'separation'. Mine as you might have gathered is that separation is like falling off a cliff. There is an inevitable and disasterous landing at the end of it and you are impelled towards it by natural force .. once the process begins. Separation is the state of falling, the flight from the point nearer the top and all you see around there, to the point somewhere in the middle of the drop when any hope of being saved abandons you, till finally to the point before impact, when you brace yourself for inevitable calamity.

Reconciliation is as improbable as hitting a branch or a ledge that arrests your plunge, and after recovering your senses you can climb up, and hopefully there is a way back !

Your description brought to my mind the picture of some bird launching itself from a high point, a cliff maybe, then taking to the wind; for flying is the more natural to it, its truer and happier state. It lands to rest, which too it does not need as much as the other creatures that live on land. Yes, but for the bird, I agree, it certainly is the more 'ideal state'.
Rajiv 55 / 400  
Sep 5, 2011   #12
You put an essay question out there .. one assumes you want to discuss it.

Once its out there, forum etiquette requires you to be respond to anything anyone has to say. This is not a High school where you can choose to act like some grandoise dame and put your nose up, as though that says anything pertinent at all !

Spend some time thinking what you want to put across. I am seriously interested in this subject, and wish to truly understand your point of view.
collegebound28 13 / 22  
Sep 17, 2011   #13
I would argue that you should try to represent both points of view benefits of divorce versus benefits of staying together. also the comedy thing is not really going to work because honestly divorce just isn't all that funny.
OP linmark 2 / 328 7  
Sep 30, 2011   #14
Divorce is certainly not funny. The debate of separation vs. divorce is an excruciatingly painful one, not to be made fun of or belittled. Some folks try to see cup as half full (vs. half empty.) Writing fiction is a form of therapy - to assuage the pain of debating a divorce. The question asking for feedback (on the plot or novel narrative) was posed to help my aunt (at her behest) to get started on the exercise of writing fiction.

Did not mean to leave you hanging in suspense, Rajiv. Nor did I have the time to enter into lengthy explanations and elaboration of my examples (metaphors etc.) - sorry.

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