Undergraduate / 'He showed me that I should live to it's fullest' - influential figure, Common App [2]

Hey ibrahim,

I like your essay. Its a traditional finding your passion, follow your dreams essay. But that's the things. Its traditional. If you want to do traditional and follow the flock, well then let's say you, most likely, will not have worked to your full potential. In the above essay is the format (how its structured, long line followed by short line) on purpose? I certainly hope not as it takes away from the flow of the essay. I want to hear what happened after you were struck with the realisation that filmmaking isn't easy? What did you do to overcome those odds?

Also in the essay, I don't see anything that would make you. In your entire journey, isn't there something that only you in the world have experienced. What makes YOU? Yours is a story of many. Grant it that their topic may not be film-making but I think you can improve your essay by including an anecdote. Otherwise, good job.

Undergraduate / Life is short. Why spend seven years at a university? -Howard University Admission [3]

Hey deepest. The number one rule in any college admission essay is "show, don't tell." To be honest, college adcoms don't care if you say you have learnt from your mistakes, if you are motivated, or if you are determined. Think about it, they want to know about YOU. Any average joe can say all the above basic words. The question is what makes YOU different? I would try to include an anecdote throughout the basis of your passage. But otherwise, I like the concept. Keep working on it. I'm sure you'll get there.

Undergraduate / "She was bound by IV lines..."- Quest Bridge [3]

Hey chadbinghay,

I like the essay. I especially enjoyed the beginning where you connected your passions to medicine to a personal experience. I found some grammar mistakes though and some quips of mine that might help you.

"To me the concept(s) of medicine and healthcare answers(answer)"

The words in the parentheses are the corrections.

"Those two subjects fostered my interests enough to cause me to select medicine as my career path"

In the above sentence I only have question, how? Any average joe could have said the same thing. Identify some nuances of the subject that particularly interest you. These would also show an extensive knowledge of your subject area.

"In my mind it is a big problem solving subject with lots of variables"

This simply sounds unidiomatic. A correction could be something like "In my mind, it is a complex subject with a great number of distinct variables."

Can you please critique my essay? I would appreciate it.

Undergraduate / "God motivates me to change" - who motivates me [8]

Shera, great great essay. Here are some grammar corrections.

So Every morning I see the light shining on me,and I inspired to take the hindrances that will come from me.

By the way, the red highlighted text should be removed and should be replaced with blue.

I simplify I want to experience those hindrances, I want new for me to be stronger I was?

I looked over the above sentence but I don't get the first part. I "simplify" want to experience those hindrances.

Also, I would break it into paragraphs if I was you where each paragraph represents some common theme or idea.

Could you please critique my essay? I would appreciate it.

Undergraduate / "Fly your geek flag!" one of your extracurricular activities or work experience [4]

Hey wildcat, my main quibble with your essay is this sentence: "My freshman year I was a shy, awkward kid with no confidence but, through choir I've learned how to be proud of my passions and pursue them intensely." Colleges want you to show not tell. HOW have you learnt to be proud of your passions? Is it a particular unique aspect of choir? If so what is it? Tell me a story mate. Give quotes. But don't tell me you're passionate. Too many people fall into that trap. Otherwise, great job.