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"God motivates me to change" - who motivates me

shera 1 / 2  
Sep 16, 2011   #1
As a simple college student, I know my capabilities because this is my unusual gift from God. So every morning I see the light shining on me I inspired to take the hindrances that will come from me. My ambitions help me set my goals and it is my goals and it is my perseverance to achieve my dreams for my family that keep me stronger. I have long time to plan my goals because there are doubt to me to take that thing but I always told to myself that God have been given the freedom to me to explore the world in order to satisfy my curiosity toward all the strange and wonderful things in the world around me. I simplify I want to experience those hindrances, I want new for me to be stronger I was, I want pressure that push me to do, Today I experience pressure but I can do it for myself to be successful, I was so young to be in pressure but that's life. Now here in Manila I experience that I was not in my parent side, I leaved from province to study here it's so hard to find comfort here I feel anxious. I have no mother that always call my name in the morning "Sheralina", feed me in the morning, I have no father that give me allowance every day I go to school, here I was so independent. I wash the dishes, I cooked, clean the room, clean the house and go to wet market to buy fish, meat, or beef. Although I was the second to the last daughter so I feel not cozy here without my parents. But I understand that they want me to live by my own they want me to experience here in the city to be alert to the spurt of the world. I know that the road ahead will not be easy for me, but I cannot stop here. I need to move on in order to reach my goals. By the way, before my ambition is simple I just want to finish my study in course of "Dentistry" but my parent won't that course, I don't know why I'm so depressed for that decision they want me to study tourism but they do not ask my side, I want to cry but I won't. I just go ahead for them to be happy, life was so unfair for me in that time I don't know what I'm going to do they are manipulating my life but they're my parent, I need to follow them for them to know that I respect them. They're choosing my school no left me. But they are the reason why I'm here so better to follow them. Of course I realized my parent has always been beside me, providing the support and stability I need in my life, helping me through my first small steps in life, now to a huge step - college. My parents, however, is much more than extraordinary thing. They're my inspiration, a hardworking loving person who managed to raise five children. I am willing to do anything and everything in my power to become a successful individual as the ultimate thanks to my parent for supporting and guiding me throughout my life and raising me to be the intelligent, resolute person I am today. Simply I will do anything for them even my dreams I will sacrifice because I love them. I just want them to know that when they are old they will see that I'm doing better because of them. Then my friends motivates me also because they help me every time I lost my way, I remember when I'm in fourth year I have not in top ten they force me to do to became a top ten. But I have been failed I'm not doing my very best in that time, so I want to cry but that's life sometimes your loss and sometimes you win. Before I want to give up but my friends told me that even "your not in top" get the best grade that you deserve that's life and remember don't surrender, I was refreshing. My friends taught me to be responsible for others as well as myself. It showed me I had something to contribute to class and never to sell myself short. I now know that I can succeed and win. I can achieve my goals and motivate others to win as well. By the end of high school I graduate and deserve some medal. I will never forget the lessons learned and the friends that guide me. Although we need to separate from different school I lost friend but not the memory that they given to me. Then of course my sister that helping us to provide those thing that we need, because she sacrifice to go to abroad for us to give our allowance she give me a reason to finish my studies so I want to help her. We are five not including my niece and nephew, I believe that I will finish this obstacles that I was getting here I need it for my study for me to become a successful someday. This hindrances will took me in golden bed that I dream before I know the best thing to do is hard work even your tired never surrender, for the people that wait for you to finish your study. I imagine myself five years from now getting lot of work because of this hard working. Given my background and circumstances, granted this chance to work, and exchange ideas with other talented individuals because I want others to realize the meaning of hard working. Then I believe that if someone has enough self confidence, he can achieve everything he wants in his life and can be successful in everything that he does. And I define myself as someone who is curious and eager to learn new things and open new windows in life to see the world from different angles. Then God motivates me to change because when I watch his life I feel anxious and feel guilty because sometimes I do sins that against his will. I want change because of pain, I want to be better person. I want my life to be perfect for me to lived happily ever after. I realiz

alexiellen 1 / 10  
Sep 16, 2011   #2
I really liked this essay! Very deep.
However, avoid using contractions (can't, don't, won't, etc.) in formal essays and the grammar needs a little work. Also, don't forget to separate into paragraphs.
ambie1218 - / 1  
Sep 16, 2011   #3
i love your essay. I have the same type of life and spiritual insite as you i have a great calling on my life and i try to embrace it because of my life and hardships. Its hard sometimes but its stil possible.:) keep your Head up and be your best.
wjxjj123 4 / 8  
Sep 17, 2011   #4
speciall grammer and opinion part
OP shera 1 / 2  
Sep 18, 2011   #5
thank you :)
combatant 2 / 3  
Sep 18, 2011   #6
"Of course I realized my parent has always been beside me, providing the support and stability I need in my life, helping me through my first small steps in life, now to a huge step - college."...Nice essay. In your essay you were mentioning about your parents together at all the places..except at this point..i guess it would be better if it is written like this..I realized my parents have always been beside me
shreyam1993 - / 5  
Sep 18, 2011   #7
Shera, great great essay. Here are some grammar corrections.

So Every morning I see the light shining on me,and I inspired to take the hindrances that will come from me.

By the way, the red highlighted text should be removed and should be replaced with blue.

I simplify I want to experience those hindrances, I want new for me to be stronger I was?

I looked over the above sentence but I don't get the first part. I "simplify" want to experience those hindrances.

Also, I would break it into paragraphs if I was you where each paragraph represents some common theme or idea.

Could you please critique my essay? I would appreciate it.
OP shera 1 / 2  
Sep 21, 2011   #8
hmp tnx for good opinion i dont know if that is ryt hehehe :)

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