Unanswered [11] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by hlathia
Joined: Sep 5, 2011
Last Post: Dec 1, 2011
Threads: 3
Posts: 4  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 7
sort: Oldest first   Latest first  | 
hlathia   
Sep 5, 2011
Undergraduate / Villanova essay - A lesson Learned - Get to know the people around you [2]

This is my essay for Villanova. It's just a first draft and I could use all the help in the world. So please leave comments. Thanks =]

One of the principles of Villanova, as an Augustinian university founded on the teachings of St. Augustine, is that students and faculty learn from each other. As you imagine yourself as a member of the Villanova community, what is one lesson that you have learned in your life that you will want to share with others?

"Hiral! Come downstairs and talk to your uncle from India!" angrily called my mom as she help up the phone for me.

"Ugh, not again," I thought as I trudged down the steps and walked into the kitchen. "I never have anything to say!" I complained. "These people are old; I have nothing to talk to them about. Can you just tell them I'm not here? I asked my mom pleadingly. I didn't want to talk to my uncle, I barely knew him. He lived all the way in India. The extent of the conversation would be, "Hi, how are you?" But then I got that look from my mom and I knew that no matter how badly I wanted go back upstairs and return to whatever I was doing, talking to my uncle was something I couldn't avoid. So I did, and it lasted all of about ten minutes. And when I went back upstairs all I could think about was what else I could have been doing. But what I didn't know was that was the last time I would talk to my uncle.

A few after that call, my uncle died. A major heart attack while he was alone in his factory at work. Those few days after were the saddest days I had ever seen. I had seen my dad cry for the first time in my life. I had seen my mom in a state of shock where she wouldn't do anything but stay in her bed. I had seen my cousins crying for hours on end. But what stood out to me most was that everyone I encountered had something great to say about the man. He had made my dad laugh continuously for hours on end; something I knew was not easy. He had given my cousins advice on topics they couldn't even talk to their friends about. He had helped my mom adjust to living with my dad's family in India, while my dad was here in America studying. Every single person I knew had a fond memory with my uncle, even people who had never met him in person.

T
hat was when I realized that I had missed out on a chance to know a great man. Yeah, I had talked to him a couple of times but only at a superficial level. Never had I actually tried to get to know him. And I couldn't say the same about him. He had always tried to spark a conversation with me but I was always too busy thinking about what else I could be doing that the only answers he ever got were yes and no. I was too busy and too engrossed in my own self to get to know a great man.

So as I enter Villanova, I hope to help my peers understand the benefit of gaining friendships with the people around them, may they be old, young, or their own age. I hope to share the fact that great people surround us daily, we just have to take a little time out of our busy schedules and meet them because if we don't we might miss the possibility of meeting someone that could change our lives forever. Then when you look back on the past you will think of the man you could have known or the memories you could have shared, instead of the man you knew or the memories you shared.
hlathia   
Nov 13, 2011
Writing Feedback / Write an essay about weather technology makes out lives easier. [3]

Your essay is quite good and will most probably get you an 8 or a 9. However there are some grammar mistakes but I am sure that if you write your essay and then read it over once you will catch them. Also, they love the use of vocabulary. Try to increase your vocabulary and use more complex words wherever you can. This is sure to increase your score. I can say this because I just finished taking my SATs and my essay score went up 2 points just because I used better vocabulary.

Some inventions like the cell phone is by far in modern days the best way of not only communicating with others, but now you can also listening to music, watching movies or even bookinga flights . (parallel structure)But one has to ask themselves, at what cost? An average teenager spends around 6 hours a day on their cell phone. Consider what all thatthose radio-waves energyisare doing to their bodies? Surely, cutting down on the time we usespend on such devices can avoidreduce the number of countless of doctors appointments and high hospital bills, not to mention the cost of the the cellphone bill itself.

I think if you keep writing more and more the better you will get. Good luck!
hlathia   
Nov 13, 2011
Undergraduate / Why a doctor - Med Program Application [6]

any feedback would be great! thanks in advance!
and the prompt is to write about why you want to go into a medical career =]

"Mommy, I promise you will get better one day!' were the words of a little seven year old girl as she watched her mother cry in pain. "Mommy, I promise!" she exclaimed. This little girl wanted nothing more than to be able to see her mom smile again. She wanted the pain and suffering her mother was in to disappear. She wanted the crying and screaming to stop. All this little girl wanted was her carefree mother back. That little girl was me.

For years now, my mother has suffered from chondromalacia in her knee resulting in severe arthritis and joint pain. I remember as a little girl, my mom struggling just to walk to the bathroom because the pressure put on her knee by walking just too much to handle. I recall praying for the health of my mother.

My prayers were finally answered the day we met Dr. Mark Seckler. As the tall man walked into the patient room, I recall him smiling not only at my mom but at everyone in the room. His assertive voice captured the fear in each of us and turned it into confidence and hope. His simple yet reassuring words were able to convert our apprehension into trust.

In short, my reason for choosing a career in medicine is not entirely medicinal. While I find the human body fascinating, my greatest interest is in that of inspiring hope. I look to be a physician who can not only cure but can also build confidence of recovery not only in the patient but the family members as well. For as a little girl, I knew nothing about the tests or surgeries, but as Dr. Seckler walked out of that room I knew that everything was going to be alright. I aspire to be a physician with the ability to turn the fear present in all patients into optimism towards the future.
hlathia   
Nov 13, 2011
Undergraduate / Throughout my childhood I have always been taught to have high goals and see "the bigger picture". [3]

I'm not really sure what the prompt is so I don't really know how well you are answering the question put forth. But otherwise, here are my comments.

I feel like you need a central idea in order to tie this essay together. I like the fact that you are using the branches of the tree but I feel as if the last two paragraphs do not mesh well with that analogy. Rather than talking about becoming involved in community service because you wanted to, talk about how your ambition to reach the top propelled you forward and has led you to become the head of community service. Also, try to separate that part of your essay from the ending. Adding another example makes the ending feel like less of a conclusion and just another point. With the languages paragraph, I think it would flow better with the theme of your essay if you explained how your drive to reach the top of the drive encouraged you to learn different languages and about different cultures. Your last sentence really wraps up the essay well though. Sorry if I rambled.

I hope I helped and good luck!

Would you mind reading mine?
hlathia   
Nov 30, 2011
Undergraduate / 'The Visit That Changed It All' - Why GWU [2]

Attach an essay of no more than 500 words indicating what most influenced you to apply to The George Washington University (required of all applicants). If you are applying to an accelerated or special program, also explain why you are interested in this program at GW.

The Visit That Changed It All

"We are here; George Washington University, our last stop on the trip." I remember my dad saying as we turned into the streets of D.C. and welcomed ourselves to George Washington University's campus.

"Finally!" I sighed as I exited the car. This college road trip was finally concluding. The days of numerous college tours and sitting in on mundane lectures were coming to an end. Like any other teenage girl, I could not wait to finish this college tour so that I could go home and forget about the prospect of college for another year or so.

However, my visit to GWU turned out to be the exact opposite of my expectations. At the information session, I learned of the countless internships, the stellar opportunities, and the numerous contacts one could make by being a part of the GWU community.

While all these aspects were great, the two things that really got me interested in the school were the campus atmosphere and the personality of the students. Even though GWU is located in the middle of such an influential city, the campus was clean and the students were friendly. Each student I encountered was more than willing to answer my questions. I was treated as a fellow member of the community; as if GWU was somewhere I belonged.

Invigorated by my visit to George Washington University I began to research the available fields of study, especially the BA/MD program associated the Columbian College of Arts and Sciences and the School of Medicine and Health Sciences. Ever since my mom's problems with chondromalacia in her knee, I have wanted to be a physician. Not only to cure but to inspire hope in my patients and their family members. For the one thing that I remember about Dr. Mark Seckler, my mother's doctor, was his attitude and kindness in that patient room assuring me, as a little girl, that I had nothing to worry about. From then on I have aspired to be that type of physician, a physician with the ability to turn the fear present in all patients into optimism towards the future.

And as I learned more about the BA/MD program available at GWU the more I knew it was the perfect place for me. As a part of the BA/MD program, during my first three years of schooling, I will be allowed to challenge myself with not only classes needed for medical school but with classes built around a liberal arts education. Most important to me, however, is the emphasis GWU puts on doctor patient interaction. Most fifth year medical students spend time with physicians learning the skill of patient interviews. To me patient interaction is essential and the fact that GWU stresses the importance of such a skill appeals to me immensely.

With my strong academic background and my interest in medicine, I am sure that I will truly appreciate the unique opportunities and the plethora of resources GWU has to offer. Thus, I believe that George Washington University it is the perfect place for me to continue the next seven years of my education.
hlathia   
Dec 1, 2011
Undergraduate / the lesson my parents' divorce taught me-UC prompt 2 [2]

I really liked this essay. It is emotional, heartfelt and you portray your thoughts very well. I just made a few minor corrections. But I really like this essay. Good job and good luck! =] And if you could read mine, that would be awesome.
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳