Writing Feedback / [Toefl] essays are better to test students than the objective tests - writing task [3]

Hi guys, this is how I am planning to write my essay in the exam. If you find anything bad in my writing please post me. This essay is all about lecture contradicting the reading. I cannot provide you the question as listening is also involved in this..thanks a lot in advance..

The article states that essays are better to test students than the objective tests and provides three reasons of support. However, the professor explains that objective tests are equally important and refutes each of the author's reasons.

First, the reading claims that objective tests test whether a student could memorize details and it does not test understanding of the concept. He also says that problems in real life require organizing and communicating their thoughts in a logical way which is tested through essays. The professor debunks this point by emphasizing the fact that memorizing of information is also very important. He states that in certain situations memorizing of information is necessary and there is no harm in memorizing information.

Second, the article posits that essays require information to be presented in writing and it is an important skill that students need to develop (that skill). However, the professor says that there is some problem in evaluting a person through writing. According to the professor, good writers will get good marks irrespective of the amount of information they know and a person who knows more information about the topic but,unable to present his ideas well will score less despite the fact that he knows more about the topic. so, this can be biased at times.

Third, the reading states that framing questions for essays doesnt take much time and saves lot of time for the professors who are really busy. The professor rebuts this point by explaining that it takes more time for the professor to evaluate essays and it can be troublesome if the class is very large. He also states that professor has to evaluate all the papers in a single sitting. He states about a study saying that if a professor evaluates same essay at two different timings, the results might be different because the mood of the professor comes into account. so, all the essays have to be evaluated in a single go which can be very difficult if the class is very big.

In conclusion, while the article states that essays evaluate students better, the professor disagrees. The professor states that both are equally important and tests should be made depending on the situation. He posits that tests can be made with both objective and essays in a single test which might test the students ability better.

I have certain doubts in writing this essay.
Which of the following sentences are correct:
Q1:

1)He also says that problems in real life require organizing and communicating their thoughts in a logical way which is tested through essays. The professor debunks this point by emphasizing the fact that memorizing of information is also very important.

2)He also says that problems in real life require organizing and communicating their thoughts in a logical way which is tested through essays. On the other hand, the professor debunks this point by emphasizing the fact that memorizing of information is also very important.

Can I use on the other hand, in this context. I am already stating that the professor opposes this...by adding on the other hand to the sentence will it make the passage more intelligible. Does it really make the sentence flow smooth?

Q2: Are there any grammatical mistakes in my writing?

Thanks a lot for your help.

Writing Feedback / [Toefl] One change that should be remembered about 20th century... [4]

This is my first essay as a part of toefl preparation. Have my exam in 14 days. please provide your inputs. And, lemme know which are the areas that i should improve on. Thanks a ton.

There were many important advancements in twentieth century. World wide web is an important advancement that has took the world by a storm. The advancement of internet,search and social networking sites made the information more easily accessible. Actually, this world wide web contributes a lot to education as well.

First, the advancement of internet made information come closer to the people. Previously, information was not easily accessible to everyone. After the advancement of internet people were able to access information easily. For example, a guy sitting in a village from a very under developed nation like jamaica can access the world class educational videos from premiere institutes like MIT, Stanford or Harvard. Information is made available to the people very quick because of the advancement of internet. Before we used to rely on news paper for news. A person can get the latest information only after 24 hours the incident has happened. With advancement of internet, news is transmitted in seconds.

Second, this advancement of internet made so much information available to people. But, the information was not easily accessible. Reason being user not knowing where to go for proper information. This lead to a need for searching of information. This twentieth century has seen advancement of many search engine like google, bing, duckduckgo. They index the information present in the web and make it easy to access for public. The information needed for public can be searched through these search engines. These search engines helped in the advancement of world wide web which in turn benefitted the common people.

Third, social networking sites made the world wide web look more lively. Searching information and locating of information is a one way process. The advancement of many personal networking sites like facebook, myspace, orkut made people come close together through online. They made information sharing, experiences exchanging and contacting people much more easier. Professional networking sites like linkedin has brought professional information exchange. The games in the social networking sites act as a fun activity for kids. They completely changed the world of human experiences.

In conclusion, world wide web played a prominent role in the advancement of human life. Internet, searching and social networking, which are part of world wide web has brought a huge revolution in retrieving of information and exchanging of information. Advancement of education has happened because of this world wide web.