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Posts by dd9679
Joined: Sep 17, 2011
Last Post: Oct 10, 2012
Threads: 4
Posts: 6  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 10
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dd9679   
Oct 10, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Virtual DJ Home' Rules that apply to the community Intro [2]

After coming home from an exhausting day at school, I threw my black Jansport backpack on my mattress and quickly turned on my Macbook. As fast as I could, I quickly pressed the red application button. "Virtual DJ Home" is the application that I invest two hours of my time everyday. Through working on making music, I formed a strong community where I was able to post and review music, buy and sell music equipments, and make strong connections with other DJs. As much as I love the DJ community, I respect the rules that every DJ must follow. By following the six main rules of my community, I became a dutiful member.

NOTE: I am bad at writing these and connecting to the whole essay. The prompt is writing about rules of my community, written or unwritten, and what is the significance.

Thank you!!
dd9679   
Oct 10, 2012
Scholarship / 'daughter of two immigrant parents' - why i want to go to college [3]

College essay on immigration is often used topic, so your essay must standout from others writing about immigration.
"In my culture, your parent always want you to become more successful than them."
This sentence is a little awkward. Rather than putting third person's view, try to use first person.

There are some grammar issues in your essay, such as:
youngr - younger
thru - through

also, rather than writing haven't, use have not, and I've to I have. It sounds more professional and plus, you can make your essay longer.

Hope this helps!
Good luck!
dd9679   
Nov 22, 2011
Undergraduate / Revision: North/South Korea Family Reunion [2]

Hey Essayforum Fam! I need help revising this essay! Thanks!

6 hours was the duration that the North Korean family and South Korean family could finally meet for their first time in 60 years and it would be their last time. Tears naturally came out of the eyes of old son and daughter as they bowed to their ailing parents. The South Korean family would try to pack their North Korean families with snacks, clothes, photos, and medications; at least they believe that these could show their apologies and compassions. But 6 hours have passes so fast, and bus drove back to the port and back to North Korea with a ship. The family knew that they will never meet again.

These people are actually lucky to at least check their family's well-beings and their faces. Why? Because North Korea have cancelled the family reunion program that has been funded by the South Korean government. Not only that, South Korea has sent tremendous amount of money, medications, food, and clothes. Kim Jung Ill, a North Korean dictator of more than 50 years, have betrayed the "friendship" that the deceased former South Korean president Kim Dae Jung believed they have made. Suddenly, the Nobel Peace Prize, that president Kim Dae Jung has received, soon became insignificant.

Even permanent reunion of the country is not possible at this time and for long time. Not North Korea, but South Korea is in moral dilemma. Even though it would be the right thing to reunite the history of one country for the first time in 60 years, South Korea does not want to risk their economy in helping the north side. Also, the different society may create upheaval as there could be a very distinguished social class: the rich and the poor. The fact that North Korea has the weapon of mass destruction worries South Korean government, as they are not allowed to hold such a weapon. So what should South Korea do? Just let North Korea do whatever they want because they are stronger than South Korea?

My grandfather signed up for the family reunion in the early 1990's and waited years for his turn. In 2002, he finally got the form which allows him to see limited number of his family members for 6 hours and that would be only once in his life time. But in 2005, the program suddenly was cancelled and year after, my grandfather have passed away without seeing his family in North Korea. Even though he long wanted, my grandfather never got to know where my great-grandparents have been buried and when they were passed away.

I am not being generous, I am asking for the right thing. The family reunion must continue. South Korea and North Korea both would not want the reunite as country right now. But we know that somehow we can allow South Korea and North Korea to meet. So should the program be only 6 hours? No. Are they confined to meeting only once? Absolutely not. We cannot let the time fly. 60 years have been passed since North and South Korea have been separated. The longer the time flies, the more family member would not survive for their reunion-like my grandfather.
dd9679   
Oct 8, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Media influencing people in negative way' issue of personal, local, national [2]

Discuss some issue of personal, local, or national concern& its importance
The influence of media is one of main concern that teenagers face everyday. With technology developing at a much faster rate, young teenagers are gaining a negative perspective. Even though media like magazines, television, or internet is to broad our mind and gain new information for our advantage, but the present media has gone too far. Media, which suppose to communicate people with influence, have controlled our mind in negative ways that affect people's life majorly.

A common media pressure to be extremely skinny has been a major negative influence. Magazines can increase their advertisement sales by showing images of slim model that catches the readers with interest. But for some people, that interest is not influenced by the product but by the slim image of the female model. Despite of have serious medical conditions such as anorexia, teenagers would do anything that makes them look attractive. Being healthy and satisfied has been altered into being skinny which corrupts the true definition of youth and beauty. Far worse, advertisement has taken this influence as an advantage to increase their market with promotion of being unhealthily skinny. Products like diet pills have made teenagers feeling much more depressed and dissatisfied with their body, despite how much skinny they have gotten. Oneself can stop the impact of media has to their life, but the society seem to force them to act. By one's transformation in to what others think as attractive, he or she may continue to be more influenced.

To be influenced by the media, there must be someone that influences him or her. The reason why many famous celebrities are paid more is because many of his or her admirers are willing to act or dress similar to how the celebrities do. The more the magazines cover pictures of celebrities and what they wore, the more the people will pay for the exact same clothes. Media work as a manipulator that forces one to act or dress in a way that he or she wants appeal to others and feel beautiful of their new appearance. Even more extreme, people would name or have number of child exactly the same with their favorite celebrities did.

Media has altered foundation of our thinking, and how we should present ourselves.
So far as what the media is doing, influencing people in negative way, they do not care how people are affected. Our identity is commercialized with everyone acting in a same way. I mean, would you jump off a bridge if every else jumped off too? Can we control our incentives?

*Thanks!*
dd9679   
Oct 8, 2011
Undergraduate / 'very proud of my father' - the world you come from - UCD [3]

I am going to be judgmental, since that is what you need for your essay.
The main thing you must avoid in UC essay is boasting, even though your father never boast about his success. I am not saying that it is a bad thing, but it would be not so interesting for the readers. Start with much less cliche sentence. "My father is the hardest working person I've ever known." is not a good way to start out your essay, since that kind of sentence is frequently seen. It must be captivating and interesting. Maybe start with a quote from your father that is meaningful to you and the rest of description about your father, and how it influenced you.

Good Luck!
dd9679   
Oct 8, 2011
Essays / Up to a change or avoiding change - how to start this essay? The expression "never fear / change. [4]

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude." Maya Angelou quotes
This could be an answer to both changes in the essay.
If you can change something, that means that you are change the society into more agreeable to others and most of the times, that change is a good thing (morally). But if you can't change it, you must change your attitude because the majority of the people do not agree with you. But that could be ambiguous if using 1984. Winston Smith believed that morally speaking, the society and the totalitarian government is too oppressive. And he wanted change. But he ultimately fails, as majority do not agree with him and continues to follow the Big Brother regime. Winston in the end, sees the poster of Big Brother and laud him, like any ordinary citizens do. That concludes that he changed his attitude, since he couldn't change the society.
dd9679   
Oct 8, 2011
Essays / I want to write essay - topic is "My Father is inspires to me most" [3]

First of all, this essay is really tough for some people. The fact that you don't know how write this essay, seems to mean that you don't know about your father very well.

Think about what your father has done for you and just like the prompt, "What inspiration did your father gave to you."
Don't be negative about your father in any circumstances! That creates very ambiguous and unclear about you and your father. But also don't brag about your father (how great he is), etc.

Relate you and your father and share some similarities.

Hope this helps! Remember, if you can't think about what your father means to you, you won't make a clear, truthful essay.
dd9679   
Oct 8, 2011
Essays / i need to write an essay about my goals in future [5]

I can't tell you specifically what to write, since I don't know about your life, but fundamental aspect of this essay
is what your passion is. Introduction should briefly explain who and what made you that you are right now, and some of the aspects that you got from your life. And BIG challenges that came from it, and how you overcame that difficulties.

Body should include that aspects of yours and how you will use to achieve your goal in life. Don't brag or beg in your essay, just think simply. You don't have to make complex, that confuses the reader even more and sounds dispassionate. If you are going to write 2-3 body paragraphs, leave the first two hanging! Meaning that make the reader wants to read more about you.

Conclusion should be about how you will live the rest of your life. Don't talk about money or living the American dream, etc..

I don't know if you are just writing to yourself or if this is a resume.. but I hope it helps!
Good luck.
dd9679   
Sep 17, 2011
Undergraduate / UC#1 Descrbing the world you come from and aspiration: My new life in America [2]

I would be greatly appreciate it if anyone could help revise and leave a commentary for further correction. I am not describing my dream and aspiration...

As a jolly child living in a country so indigenous, the inevitable aspect of my life was moving to a country that is more than 2000 miles away. I had to reshape myself to be welcomed to the blue eyed children, which was a big leap I had to make. Providing me with both difficulty and benefits, I became a whole new person that I never expected to become; an aspect that derived from independence, optimism, and adaptability.

The biggest impact of moving to a foreign country was making whole new friends who looked very different from me. It was rare for me to come across kids in my age since I was strictly disciplined to stay home and study. Even if I came across them, my uncomfortable nature and inability to socialize made difficult to become fond with each other. Friendship was very important to me when I was in my country, where I was able to beat the feeling of loneliness. Without friends, I had to keep hiding my inner characteristic that I actually possessed. However, the whole experience of loneliness has given me a perspective that independence is important for being responsible.

Another consequence was the whole new system of education system that I had to be adapted to. I lacked the ability to interpret everything into English, when the concept of subjects itself was difficult enough. With my keen speculation of the culture, I realized the lack of understanding of Asians. To break the stereotypes, I had to catch up to the level of English that my peers were in. Every day, I memorized twenty vocabulary words that are frequently used and took it as utility to speak to other students. This rapid progression of nine years gave me the adaptability to comprehend quickly.

The optimism that my incompetent skill will be progress successfully is very crucial for me. I couldn't let the feeling of discouragement to slow down my learning in this new society. The feeling of loneliness was a pain as I wished to be social and do not be afraid to show exactly who I am. I tell myself that the life I live happen for a reason and that I should not take it granted.

I used my three aspects to benefit not only myself, but others as well. Impression from others was very important to me, as it was only way to clearly show who I am. I formed a stable and proficient teamwork, which was important to work with responsibility to own work in sake of others as well. In order to keep a consistent impression, I adapted to the environment quickly in order to feel comfortable; which makes others feel the same.

To be capable of living in the society where independence is very crucial, I knew that it was important to work in my own pace. With my responsibility, I was able to be self-efficient, which was very important to the field of study that I aspire to pursue. And also with my adaptability and flexibility, I was able become quickly accustomed to the society. These qualities gave me a guideline towards a success that I seek to reach.
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