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Posts by happykid93
Joined: Oct 2, 2011
Last Post: Dec 4, 2011
Threads: 2
Posts: 9  

From: Singapore

Displayed posts: 11
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happykid93   
Dec 3, 2011
Undergraduate / "Who am I?" - Common App Essay [28]

Wow it is a great essay. You're a really great writer and I wouldn't really change anything about it. your ideas are unique and I can really see your personality shine through. Great job man.
happykid93   
Dec 3, 2011
Undergraduate / common app essay "The homeless man" Issue of local,international concern. [4]

hey thanks a lot Sam! Will work on that.

Hey Sidharth yeah I was worried about that. My essay does seem too common. I am bouncing around a few ideas now and haven't really decided on which question to really work on yet. I might eventually do the question on which fictional character, historical figure... It seems the most interesting to me! Thanks for your comments!
happykid93   
Dec 3, 2011
Undergraduate / Common App- How Sherlock Holmes has Influenced Me [6]

Hey I think that Sherlock Holmes is a really interesting choice...It is quite unique. I agree with one of the post that I can't really see your personality. You should definitely focus more on yourself. Maybe really analyze the impact Sherlock Holmes has on you. Good luck on your essay!
happykid93   
Dec 3, 2011
Undergraduate / common app essay "The homeless man" Issue of local,international concern. [4]

Hey guys pls help me comment on my essay, esp on my grammar! If possible, maybe you guys can tell me how to shorten it? I'm afraid that it's too long. Any feedback will be greatly appreciated. Thank you all so much! =)

THE HOMELESS MAN

It is 12 midnight and I am walking back to my home after my job. As I pass the bus-stop, I am aware that there is a man sleeping on the bus-stop seat. He is wearing a tattered brown shirt and mangy-looking shorts. He curls into a ball as a form of insulation from the surrounding cold wind. A pair of worn-out slippers lay near his feet.

The scene is haunting; my heart writhes when I remember the man. He is merely an example of the growing social problems in my country -Singapore. In the past years, my country has witnessed admirable economic success. But with rising economic progress comes an increasing social divide. It is common to see homeless people roaming the streets at night. Beggars are a fixture at high-end shopping districts in Singapore. As the rich stroll down the streets with their shopping bags, the poor sing or play an instrument for a few extra cents.

Coming from a lower-middle class family, I experienced many financial difficulties. My mother, despite being plagued with rheumatoid arthritis, has to work hard to put my brother and me through school. I often had to work during my school vacation to supplement my family's income. My family lives from paycheck to paycheck and we never seem to be able to find an escape. As we were considered to be from the middle class, governmental aid was scarce.

However, I know that there are others who are laden with more serious problems. At least I had an education and a roof over my head. As my country progresses, more people are being left behind. In Southeast Asia alone, poverty is commonplace. Once, on my trip to Thailand, I saw a group of young children walking to school barefooted. Yet, my heart warmed at the fact that these children persevered despite their apparent obstacles in life.

These growing social problems are gradually dividing our human population. Everyone deserves an education and an opportunity to break out of the cycle of poverty. If people were given a chance for a better life, issues such as crime and malnutrition will be greatly reduced. I know that I want to dedicate my life to helping the less fortunate. Our society needs to progress on a strong moral foundation and if we all play our part to help the needy, we can gradually transform our world to a better home for everyone. I know that I can never fully comprehend the suffering that people from impoverished backgrounds experience. However, with my motivation, I hope to be able to significantly impact their lives. One day, I might even be able to help the homeless man I saw on my way back home from work.
happykid93   
Dec 3, 2011
Undergraduate / 'to portray my life' or 'wierd one' or 'about a chat' - common app [13]

I think 2 will be amazing if you write it well. It seems really unique. And humour is always good! Just be sure to let your personality shine as well - that is after all the most impt aspect of your essay. I love your ideas you are really creative! Good luck on your essays!
happykid93   
Dec 3, 2011
Undergraduate / I have a Mohawk---commonapp essay for upenn, princeton, amherst, rochester [14]

Hey maroon5! I think you did a great job on the essay - the essay flows smoothly from idea to idea. Maybe you could edit the part on your family to make it shorter? That part does seem a little long. I didn't really see the idea of embracing atheism though. It is obvious that it's about going against some really conservative values but not specifically about atheism.

It is a really unique essay though! Keep working on it and improving on your metaphor. I think you will surely have a great essay in the end! Btw, I think mohawks are cool!
happykid93   
Dec 3, 2011
Undergraduate / 'the annual Popular Book Fest' - extracurricular activities or work experience [6]

Hey guys it's me again. I really enjoyed my experience in my sch band as well and could not decide if I should write abt this or my work experience. Pls help me see if this is a better essay to send than the first one. Thank you all so much!

I decided to take up music in high school and joined my school's Symphonic Band. In 2009, my school's Symphonic Band participated in the biennial Singapore Youth Festival. It is a prestigious competition for the performing arts groups in Singapore. Training started a year earlier and it was rigorous. Weekends were usually spent practicing. As I did not have any prior experience in music, I soon felt frustrated with my performance. I even contemplated quitting. However, I strived to stay positive. I practiced diligently and refused to let negative thoughts affect me. My conductor saw my perseverance and appointed me as the saxophone section leader. Eventually, although my school's band only managed to clinch a silver award, I felt proud of my performance. I had become a more determined and diligent person. I learnt to be a leader and I developed close friendships with my fellow band mates. Although we did not achieve the gold award, we had given our best and that was what truly mattered.
happykid93   
Dec 3, 2011
Undergraduate / 'the annual Popular Book Fest' - extracurricular activities or work experience [6]

Hi Guys could you all help me critic this essay pls? Thanks so much! Any feedback is welcomed! =) I'm an international student btw, if it makes a difference

For the past 2 years, I have worked at the annual Popular Book Fest during my school vacation. I took up the job as a supplement to my family's income and to help pay for a music trip to Japan. The job was what I had expected - the pay was low, I had to work 12 hour shifts and carry heavy loads of books. The job was certainly not helping my academics and I was embarrassed when my schoolmates saw me. However, the job soon opened me to a whole new world. I met many teenagers who were struggling to keep up in school; others had dropped out of school and were worried for their future. Coming from a prestigious school, I rarely met teenagers like them. My encounter made me see the many problems in my society and motivated me to help the less fortunate. When I took the job I only wanted to earn some additional income. But I am so grateful that the job has made me stronger and given me the chance to develop relationships with people whom I would not otherwise have the opportunity to meet.
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