Posts by AnnaBanan

AnnaBanan

Oct 15, 2011

Scholarship / (learning english) - write about a time when "hard work" paid off [4]

"single tears filled up the bed like a river." change the bed to my bed

"how to speak English, and my" get rid of comma

"I ran home crying my eyes out and finally opened the book, going through every word, asking every family member to help me enunciate words, spending hours at the library reading books to help build my vocabulary, and having flash cards wherever I went." try to cut this down to 2 sentences

"Little steps every day like learning words around my house, how to say "room, bathroom, kitchen," food I ate and animals, and using them in sentences led me to where I am today." passive tense

AnnaBanan

Oct 15, 2011

Undergraduate / "I lead a busy life, but I make time to run." MIT App Essay [3]

This is good, but make the sentences flow more. Like for example, "I love letting my mind roam free while I run. I love running with my friends. I feel rejuvenated after running. I love the sense of accomplishment and self-satisfaction." doesn't really flow so it sounds like a list.

AnnaBanan

Oct 15, 2011

Undergraduate / 'work hard and nap hard' - Stanford Roommate Essay [2]

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.

To my future roommate,

I don't think there are words to describe how thrilled I am to attend Stanford University and I'm sure you feel the same way. We've worked so hard and our efforts got us this far! Can you believe it? College is about preparing for our future as well as having fun, so let's make the best of the four years we have together. I pledge to be the best roommate and friend I can be. I will be a good roommate because I have experience in all kinds of living situations. I've lived in an apartment with a stranger who turned out to be a crazy cat lady as well as my friend's house where I had to share a bathroom with my two "sisters." Wherever I go and whatever the situation, I can adjust well. My mom was a housekeeper who taught me all the tricks and essential skills I need for a life on my own so I will keep our new home clean. I am a great sharer so feel free to borrow my clothes or makeup. The only thing I don't share is my toothbrush. I feel the need to establish this because my "sister" used my toothbrush all the time. If you respect that rule, then I'm sure we'll get along just fine. I'm an easygoing, friendly, and flexible person who rarely gets angry. I love to make people laugh and my friends tell me I am hilarious. I like to help people out and I wish I got to volunteer at our local hospital, but I never got the opportunity so I would love to volunteer or intern at the Stanford Hospital. In my free time, I like to cook (even though I'm not great at it) and go hiking. I am adventurous so I like to get outside and explore new places. I am planning on joining one of Stanford's outdoors clubs where I hope I can one day go whitewater rafting or horseback riding. I love my life and I plan on living it to the fullest each and every day during college. I may not be the typical, uptight academic student obsessed with their grades, but I work hard and nap hard. I very much look forward to meeting you!

p.s. if we see a bug in our room, you're killing it.

What do you think of my essay?
The italicized parts are phrases that sound weird to me so please tell me if I am using the right grammar!