hugh_ng
Oct 24, 2011
hugh_ng
Oct 23, 2011
Writing Feedback / How important is it to look beyond superficial appearances? [3]
In a culture obsessed with superficial appearances, our leaders should be those who can see beyond the surface. Judging a book by its cover is the job of the consumer, but reading the book-pondering its contents and perhaps seeking to write new chapters-is the job of a leader.
Assignment: How important is it to look beyond superficial appearances?
Every society do possess a lot of things to hide and reveal as well as the biological world. Take camouflage as an example of appearances. The bird tend to be deceived by the colors of poisonous butterflies and fly away for fear of being poisoned. In fact, some birds dare to eat many of them, some are dead, some are alive since the appearances cannot obstruct the truth. Now, human world are raising, indeed, misleading potent that the leaders are keeping on track with them, though sometimes get lost. Say, a cover of "Silent Spring" is nothing to do with ornate design or attractive pictures, so at first, the number of publishment were at low rate. However, there were still thoughtful reader to read up on the all chapter and comments about this book. What we need to care is that the appearances are all but deceptive. The person who can look beyond the superficial appearances is, to some extent, deserved to be praised.
The president of Singapore used to force a laws that any producer who is intentional to change the cover and context of book will be imprisoned for five years. Japanese have always respected their own artists, especially, cartoon artists since they are ones who bring soul into the pictures. Everything comes to a knot that it is not a banal person but it is the talk of a leader, to see through the bustle of political events, to open the preface and read. Book is just a case we deal with everyday situation and human being are a more complicated problem. It is hard to judge a woman who wears blue blouse and T-style earing of noble whether haughty or modest. We have to learn and it is a skill but it is not the one we practise in the lab or in test.
There is a fine line between love and hate, false and truth, belief and superstition. A well-forseen leader is one who can reveal the truth of the false, the darkness of the light and seeking a such candidate is somewhat like finding the kneedle under that vast enormous ocean. However, the present leader should find this skill useful to learn since their country needs an adept president, not a waiting one.
In a culture obsessed with superficial appearances, our leaders should be those who can see beyond the surface. Judging a book by its cover is the job of the consumer, but reading the book-pondering its contents and perhaps seeking to write new chapters-is the job of a leader.
Assignment: How important is it to look beyond superficial appearances?
Every society do possess a lot of things to hide and reveal as well as the biological world. Take camouflage as an example of appearances. The bird tend to be deceived by the colors of poisonous butterflies and fly away for fear of being poisoned. In fact, some birds dare to eat many of them, some are dead, some are alive since the appearances cannot obstruct the truth. Now, human world are raising, indeed, misleading potent that the leaders are keeping on track with them, though sometimes get lost. Say, a cover of "Silent Spring" is nothing to do with ornate design or attractive pictures, so at first, the number of publishment were at low rate. However, there were still thoughtful reader to read up on the all chapter and comments about this book. What we need to care is that the appearances are all but deceptive. The person who can look beyond the superficial appearances is, to some extent, deserved to be praised.
The president of Singapore used to force a laws that any producer who is intentional to change the cover and context of book will be imprisoned for five years. Japanese have always respected their own artists, especially, cartoon artists since they are ones who bring soul into the pictures. Everything comes to a knot that it is not a banal person but it is the talk of a leader, to see through the bustle of political events, to open the preface and read. Book is just a case we deal with everyday situation and human being are a more complicated problem. It is hard to judge a woman who wears blue blouse and T-style earing of noble whether haughty or modest. We have to learn and it is a skill but it is not the one we practise in the lab or in test.
There is a fine line between love and hate, false and truth, belief and superstition. A well-forseen leader is one who can reveal the truth of the false, the darkness of the light and seeking a such candidate is somewhat like finding the kneedle under that vast enormous ocean. However, the present leader should find this skill useful to learn since their country needs an adept president, not a waiting one.
hugh_ng
Oct 22, 2011
Writing Feedback / 'globalization brings different cultures together' - IELTS [3]
1....become much more easier in the recent few years due to globalization and information technologies .---> much easier / technical advance.
2...they also bring their cultures to different countries and therefore, forming a multicultural society across the world ---> please be careful with sentence completion here: may be you would like to use the reduced-form of "forming" here, but could you rewrite into a full sentence? Definitely not since you are applying a wrong structure here. If you would like to use it, look at my stuff: they also bring their cultures to different countries, which form....---> ,thus, forming. "And therefore" should be used in parallel structure.
3...it indirectly help to make a strong relationship and effective communication among different countries.
4...For example both the parents are working or short of time due to more involvement in work and sometimes to overlapping office timings with other countries as part of their job which is not leading to healthy life in a long run---> wordy and grammatical mistakes. You should notice the way you form parallel structure.
5...Internet and communication technologies have made possible to connect anyone
---> have provided a chance for everyone to connect (concise and direct)
6...Tomatina is a one of the Italy's festival ---> festivals
7...A lot of opportunities and changes have been coming with globalization which has impact on culture and lifestyle as well---> The "which" here stands for globalization or opportunities (Vague connection) ---> Quite a few opportunities as well as changes which have an impact on culture and lifestyle have coexisted with globalization.
Nice to meet you
1....become much more easier in the recent few years due to globalization and information technologies .---> much easier / technical advance.
2...they also bring their cultures to different countries and therefore, forming a multicultural society across the world ---> please be careful with sentence completion here: may be you would like to use the reduced-form of "forming" here, but could you rewrite into a full sentence? Definitely not since you are applying a wrong structure here. If you would like to use it, look at my stuff: they also bring their cultures to different countries, which form....---> ,thus, forming. "And therefore" should be used in parallel structure.
3...it indirectly help to make a strong relationship and effective communication among different countries.
4...For example both the parents are working or short of time due to more involvement in work and sometimes to overlapping office timings with other countries as part of their job which is not leading to healthy life in a long run---> wordy and grammatical mistakes. You should notice the way you form parallel structure.
5...Internet and communication technologies have made possible to connect anyone
---> have provided a chance for everyone to connect (concise and direct)
6...Tomatina is a one of the Italy's festival ---> festivals
7...A lot of opportunities and changes have been coming with globalization which has impact on culture and lifestyle as well---> The "which" here stands for globalization or opportunities (Vague connection) ---> Quite a few opportunities as well as changes which have an impact on culture and lifestyle have coexisted with globalization.
Nice to meet you
hugh_ng
Oct 21, 2011
Writing Feedback / TOEFL-help from the government is often not necessary [4]
of course you can but in formal and professional writing, you should avoid using short sentence without a full structure in a typical way. In other test such as SAT, this can be regarded as a mistake for essay.
of course you can but in formal and professional writing, you should avoid using short sentence without a full structure in a typical way. In other test such as SAT, this can be regarded as a mistake for essay.
hugh_ng
Oct 20, 2011
Undergraduate / 'compared to an encyclopedia' - influential object in your life, how it affected you [3]
1...but I find the comparison fitting ---> fit
2. From as early as I can remember---> as far as I remember / as much as I remember
3...wondering how those devices worked and what was their purpose was ---> what their purpose was...
4...Because I had have relied on the encyclopedia since such a young age, it has shaped my thought process and outlook ---> incorrect tense.
5...the answers to my questions have been stored within me---> excuse me but could you please clarify what do you imply in this sentence?
You should pay more heed to the overall flow and the mainstream you would like to plunge into the essay since this is common application essay, you should brush up on the stuff.
Good luck
1...but I find the comparison fitting ---> fit
2. From as early as I can remember---> as far as I remember / as much as I remember
3...wondering how those devices worked and what was their purpose was ---> what their purpose was...
4...Because I had have relied on the encyclopedia since such a young age, it has shaped my thought process and outlook ---> incorrect tense.
5...the answers to my questions have been stored within me---> excuse me but could you please clarify what do you imply in this sentence?
You should pay more heed to the overall flow and the mainstream you would like to plunge into the essay since this is common application essay, you should brush up on the stuff.
Good luck
hugh_ng
Oct 20, 2011
Writing Feedback / TOEFL-help from the government is often not necessary [4]
1.Most of the time,ourselves or our families----> we or our families...
2...because they consider families are their permanent backup and can provide mental support ---> consider / regard them as... and mental support.
3.The service fee it charges is much cheaper than those charged by private organization---> you should notice that the service fee and those should be in parallel form.
4.Take my aunt for example. She had domestic violence and did not know what to do-----> For example/ For instance, my aunt...
5. It provides subsidies for people who have low income level and for unemployment ---> for the unemployed...
6. Moreover, government helps people who aresuffered when there is natural disaster---> suffered from natural disaster / catastrophe.
7. Take my friend for example. My friend's house collapsed during 921 Earthquake,which earthquake magnitude scale is 7.3 ---> you should not use the way of such expression as take...example then end with a point. / whose magnitude scale...
Good luck!
1.Most of the time,
2...because they consider families are their permanent backup and can provide mental support ---> consider / regard them as... and mental support.
3.The service fee it charges is much cheaper than those charged by private organization---> you should notice that the service fee and those should be in parallel form.
4.Take my aunt for example. She had domestic violence and did not know what to do-----> For example/ For instance, my aunt...
5. It provides subsidies for people who have low income level and for unemployment ---> for the unemployed...
6. Moreover, government helps people who are
7. Take my friend for example. My friend's house collapsed during 921 Earthquake,
Good luck!
hugh_ng
Oct 17, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Becoming a lawyer' - FSU COLLEGE ESSAY [2]
1...becoming part of volunteer programs that had me intrigued---> made me intrigued.
2...make a massive change ---> make an impact / make a profound change / induce a crucial change.
3...Such as, with my future aspirations of studying to become a lawyer---> which is the main verb of this sentence?
4...Becoming a lawyer can unquestionably set someone for life financially ----> sets
5...It isn't the financial well being or even material items that my future career has to offer, but the learning and knowledge I will gain from it, is ---> what is the function of "is" here?
I think the overall flow of this passage needs more concentration, rewrite and make a slight correction to your sentence and vocabulary aptly.
Hope this will help you better.
1...becoming part of volunteer programs that had me intrigued---> made me intrigued.
2...make a massive change ---> make an impact / make a profound change / induce a crucial change.
3...Such as, with my future aspirations of studying to become a lawyer---> which is the main verb of this sentence?
4...Becoming a lawyer can unquestionably set someone for life financially ----> sets
5...It isn't the financial well being or even material items that my future career has to offer, but the learning and knowledge I will gain from it, is ---> what is the function of "is" here?
I think the overall flow of this passage needs more concentration, rewrite and make a slight correction to your sentence and vocabulary aptly.
Hope this will help you better.
hugh_ng
Oct 17, 2011
Undergraduate / 'dealing with my mom's Alzheimer's' (someone influantial) - college essay [2]
1....What if she has been diagnosed sooner---> ...had been...
2....She had strong opinions about my hairstyle ---> ( I think here is a substitute for your statement) She made a critical advice / a crucial opinion...
3....She stressed that if I missed myteenage years of studying ---> youthful / promising / dominant years.
4...Rather than standing up for myself, I simply assumed that if I studied hard, she would no longer be disappointed in me ---> you should slightly notice the tense you use in this sentence and the whole meaning you would like to convey.
5...I am more enthusiastic about what the future hold for me than ever before---> holds for me.
Hope this will help you better
1....What if she has been diagnosed sooner---> ...had been...
2....She had strong opinions about my hairstyle ---> ( I think here is a substitute for your statement) She made a critical advice / a crucial opinion...
3....She stressed that if I missed my
4...Rather than standing up for myself, I simply assumed that if I studied hard, she would no longer be disappointed in me ---> you should slightly notice the tense you use in this sentence and the whole meaning you would like to convey.
5...I am more enthusiastic about what the future hold for me than ever before---> holds for me.
Hope this will help you better
hugh_ng
Oct 16, 2011
Writing Feedback / Do violence and immorality in the media make our society more dangerous and immoral? [3]
Many among us like to blame violence and immorality in the media for a "decline in morals" in society. Yet these people seem to have lost touch with logic. Any objective examination shows that our society is far less violent or exploitative than virtually any society in the past. Early humans murdered and enslaved each other with astonishing regularity, without the help of gangsta rap or Jerry Bruckheimer films
Assignment: Do violence and immorality in the media make our society more dangerous and immoral?
Violence and immortality have raised many questions recently. The tough fact is that we should not apply force or any other method including military to make the problem settled down since mental illness needs mental cures. However, many today sociologists and psychologists blame media for imposing bad habits and violent scenes on our generations, which make a fuss about entertainment as a whole. Instead, many factors can be responsible for the change of humans behaviour.
Everyone was born with good and evil innate traits but what makes it grow into a complete manner of itself is the environment. Chinese often say "Near dark ink, get dark soul". The surrounding with robbers, slumbers, killers cannot help a new comer to become goood citizen but, inversely, a dwelling with friendly friends, helpful neighbours, educated people is indeed a wise place to live in since it makes an impact on the dwellers in a great extent.
More to the point, media, to be specific, television programs, do not do harm to the viewers themselves but the thing we should keep eyes on is the micmicking. A recent research in human's brains led by two professors Milan Kay and Simon Flex in NUS university reveals that we are easily excited after seeing or watching violent scene but the reason to kill or murder does not come from flim, but is resulted in ill-mental brain. There are many ways to cause ill-mental suffering, the most possible one is from badly treated children by their parents or who lives in with them. The whole thing can draw a perfect picture rather than a tiny spot cannot say a big drawing. So, to blame for media is indeed innocent.
To a further degree, the rate of violence and immortality is still at a high level although presidents all over the countries have tried hard to abate the harsh curve. Turn back to the ancient time, no violent film could also induce a murderer and tyrant. So, the demandatory actions do not exclude any one on earth, we should work as a whole to diminish the evil since two hands are impossible to deal but thounsands of them can be a powerful force. Problems are always existent from time to time to get rid of them is illogical but to deal with them is a nice choice after all.
Many among us like to blame violence and immorality in the media for a "decline in morals" in society. Yet these people seem to have lost touch with logic. Any objective examination shows that our society is far less violent or exploitative than virtually any society in the past. Early humans murdered and enslaved each other with astonishing regularity, without the help of gangsta rap or Jerry Bruckheimer films
Assignment: Do violence and immorality in the media make our society more dangerous and immoral?
Violence and immortality have raised many questions recently. The tough fact is that we should not apply force or any other method including military to make the problem settled down since mental illness needs mental cures. However, many today sociologists and psychologists blame media for imposing bad habits and violent scenes on our generations, which make a fuss about entertainment as a whole. Instead, many factors can be responsible for the change of humans behaviour.
Everyone was born with good and evil innate traits but what makes it grow into a complete manner of itself is the environment. Chinese often say "Near dark ink, get dark soul". The surrounding with robbers, slumbers, killers cannot help a new comer to become goood citizen but, inversely, a dwelling with friendly friends, helpful neighbours, educated people is indeed a wise place to live in since it makes an impact on the dwellers in a great extent.
More to the point, media, to be specific, television programs, do not do harm to the viewers themselves but the thing we should keep eyes on is the micmicking. A recent research in human's brains led by two professors Milan Kay and Simon Flex in NUS university reveals that we are easily excited after seeing or watching violent scene but the reason to kill or murder does not come from flim, but is resulted in ill-mental brain. There are many ways to cause ill-mental suffering, the most possible one is from badly treated children by their parents or who lives in with them. The whole thing can draw a perfect picture rather than a tiny spot cannot say a big drawing. So, to blame for media is indeed innocent.
To a further degree, the rate of violence and immortality is still at a high level although presidents all over the countries have tried hard to abate the harsh curve. Turn back to the ancient time, no violent film could also induce a murderer and tyrant. So, the demandatory actions do not exclude any one on earth, we should work as a whole to diminish the evil since two hands are impossible to deal but thounsands of them can be a powerful force. Problems are always existent from time to time to get rid of them is illogical but to deal with them is a nice choice after all.
hugh_ng
Oct 16, 2011
Writing Feedback / Ielts task 1, two graphs about reasons for study and the amount of support [2]
1. The percentage of 80% of students --> Eighty percent of students
2. On the contrary , the first graph also shows that study stemming from interest has increased with age ---> On the other hand / On the contrary ( you are making a contrast, so the word so is illogical here).
3. Nearly the same number 40-49 years old studying for career and interest. >>> where is the main verb of this sentence?
1. The percentage of 80% of students --> Eighty percent of students
2. On the contrary , the first graph also shows that study stemming from interest has increased with age ---> On the other hand / On the contrary ( you are making a contrast, so the word so is illogical here).
3. Nearly the same number 40-49 years old studying for career and interest. >>> where is the main verb of this sentence?
hugh_ng
Oct 15, 2011
Writing Feedback / Distance-learning program is better than traditional education? [2]
1. ...one of the dominating choices --> dominant / crucial / vital / decisive choices
2. Equally importantly --> More to the point / Furthermore / Additionally
3. ...can enhance students' grasp of the subject matter --> enhance students' ability to grasp / absorb
4. ...reducing both the cost of transportation and increasing the time available to maximize the effectiveness of learning--->therefore, students can save both the cost of transportation and the available time to elevate the effectiveness of learning.
hope my advice provides sth for you.
1. ...one of the dominating choices --> dominant / crucial / vital / decisive choices
2. Equally importantly --> More to the point / Furthermore / Additionally
3. ...can enhance students' grasp of the subject matter --> enhance students' ability to grasp / absorb
4. ...reducing both the cost of transportation and increasing the time available to maximize the effectiveness of learning--->therefore, students can save both the cost of transportation and the available time to elevate the effectiveness of learning.
hope my advice provides sth for you.
hugh_ng
Oct 15, 2011
Writing Feedback / 'bear the burden / push to learn / think' - important qualities of a leader? [NEW]
The best leaders are not those who seek power or have great political skill. Great leaders-and these are exceptionally rare, especially today-represent the best selves of the people they represent.
Assignment: What are the most important qualities of a leader?
The seemingly easy question of " what does the most vital qualities of a leader" has been the fodder of the debate and controversy. However, we cannot make a conclusion about any individual's view wrong or right; in fact, I suppose an outstanding leader should possess remarkable personalities.
Virtue is one of the most notable traits for a leader to learn. Chinese often say " to learn virtue means to train yourself". Nowadays, peace is spread over the sky and war can be diminished at any rate. To defense then to build are the one of the triumphant strategies in the peace time. Ever since the chaos of our world have been settled down, a good leader should learn to be virtuous or make it applied to any situation. To love humanity is to love ourselves but to kill them off means to deplore the root of life. The role of virtue has penetrated deeply into many nations, especially Vietnam.
More to the point, to be virtuous cannot make a whole thing of leader, to be skilled at communication and negotiation is indeed notable, especially in a peaceful destiny. After the second World War , humans have been haunted by the scene of death and explosion and the thought of war to be raised nowadays is always refuted or negatively considered. In fact, a good leader has to know how to get the conflict among nations at a safe level by negotiating. We believe that to talk and pursuade strike out to be at war. If any leader is successful at this stage, that is really a good news. Besides , international communication plays a big function in maintaining friendship and tranquility. We can do the same way as we do to our friends, our relatives. This strategy is called "angel in peace". Since to hold a relationship for a long term is somewhat harder than to fight at the battle.
Overall, there are many other traits a leader should learn but I suppose these two since they are practical and useful at this time. I know a leader has to bear the burden of his or her country and to push them learn something more is quite hard but, to think deeply, if they learn to become better, the burden will be weighed less.
Above is my SAT practise essay. Please help me through your advice. Thanks for help
The best leaders are not those who seek power or have great political skill. Great leaders-and these are exceptionally rare, especially today-represent the best selves of the people they represent.
Assignment: What are the most important qualities of a leader?
The seemingly easy question of " what does the most vital qualities of a leader" has been the fodder of the debate and controversy. However, we cannot make a conclusion about any individual's view wrong or right; in fact, I suppose an outstanding leader should possess remarkable personalities.
Virtue is one of the most notable traits for a leader to learn. Chinese often say " to learn virtue means to train yourself". Nowadays, peace is spread over the sky and war can be diminished at any rate. To defense then to build are the one of the triumphant strategies in the peace time. Ever since the chaos of our world have been settled down, a good leader should learn to be virtuous or make it applied to any situation. To love humanity is to love ourselves but to kill them off means to deplore the root of life. The role of virtue has penetrated deeply into many nations, especially Vietnam.
More to the point, to be virtuous cannot make a whole thing of leader, to be skilled at communication and negotiation is indeed notable, especially in a peaceful destiny. After the second World War , humans have been haunted by the scene of death and explosion and the thought of war to be raised nowadays is always refuted or negatively considered. In fact, a good leader has to know how to get the conflict among nations at a safe level by negotiating. We believe that to talk and pursuade strike out to be at war. If any leader is successful at this stage, that is really a good news. Besides , international communication plays a big function in maintaining friendship and tranquility. We can do the same way as we do to our friends, our relatives. This strategy is called "angel in peace". Since to hold a relationship for a long term is somewhat harder than to fight at the battle.
Overall, there are many other traits a leader should learn but I suppose these two since they are practical and useful at this time. I know a leader has to bear the burden of his or her country and to push them learn something more is quite hard but, to think deeply, if they learn to become better, the burden will be weighed less.
Above is my SAT practise essay. Please help me through your advice. Thanks for help