Writing Feedback / Having good co-workers - TOEFL Exam [5]

Merely google, searching by using the topic (question) of TOEFL or IELST you will find many sample essays.

I also suggest you review parts of speech, sentence structure (some called sentence pattern, they are those of S+V+O etc.), and finally the usage of grammar. Example of a web which is quite comprehensive is towson.edu/ows/index.htm.

Finally, you may listen and read news from VOA. It would help increase vocabulary in context. voanews/learningenglish/home/

Writing Feedback / Toefl IBT Writing, Topic: In order to be well-informed, .. [4]

Nowadays, people get more and more information from the media. Some people believe and feel enough about the sources, but other peoples don't.
1. fell enough - awkward, in formal writing please avoid don't, can't - use do not, cannot, it is etc.
However, in my opinion, I believe that a person don't must get information from many different news sources in order to be well-informed.
2. don't must get - do not receive/obtain information. (avoid helping verb and modal altogether)
First, people can catch the information from the media like television, internet, or the printed media.
3. Again awkard, catch the information
There are a lot of media to report all kinds of information. But we can use the most powerful media to catch the news.
4. You can combine the two sentences in order to make your writing smooth and not choppy.
For example, I read the news every day from the website CNN. I trust the CNN news, because it's a powerful and justice news agency.

5. no , (comma) after CNN news.
I don't need to find other different news sources to test the creditability of the news.
6. awkward expression: to test the creditbility
I can trust the news from the CNN website. It's easy and efficiency to get the news around the world. 7. (to read news around the world)

Secondly, in the world the information explode.
8. fragment - only phrase, no subject no verb
People have a lot of information need to take. (see #8 and #6)
It will make people nervous and tired.
Take my father as an example, he receives the financial news to see how his stock going. He is panic, because he always looking for many news from the different sources. (see #5)

He used the internet, the magazine, the television program to receive the economic news. He doesn't smart used with the sources. He always confused why there are so many different view and opinion about the world economic. (different = many then view?? opinion??) It's make him crazy and under pressure. I believe the more sources the more panic, because we the different kinds of sources can't take advantage to us.

In conclusion, I believe that we can choose the right media sources to get the right information. We don't need to find many different news sources to be get well-informed. Because the right media source can bring diversity of the information and be creditable. (fragment, it is not a sentence)

There is awkward expression due to unappropriate the selection of word choices. The sentence is choppy, do combine them into compound sentence or use more complex sentence. You might decide to review parts of speech, sentence structure (pattern).

Writing Feedback / TOEFL;In 20 yrs, fewer cars in use ? only when the substitutions are available [4]

In twenty years, there will be fewer cars in use than there are today.

Talking about cars, it is now still the main transportation in the world, but it does seem to decrease the use of it for the great environment damage it caused. On the other hand, on the way to decrease the use of cars always full of difficulties.

1. Please be aware that subject follows dependent phrase at the beginning of the sentence should be directly related "it, represented talking about car?
2. To me, it does not make sence saying but it does seem to decrease the use of it for the great environment damage it caused. If you are saying using car as transportation mode is decreasing (??its popularity or else) due to environmental issue, then the sentence needs to be rewrite.

First, it is obvious that nearly everywhere on this planet are running cars, which cause serious traffic jam in some urban area.
3. ??? are running cars - people drive

Though cars are useful, it become one of the top problems to human.
4.Please read #1 again, introductory phrase and subject are not match

People have thought a great number of solutions to solve this problem and have made progress in this issue. 5. progress on

For example, the government in my city considers enlarging the size of public transportation to satisfy the people's daily demand. In this project, the government bought nearly 100 buses and redesigns the bus's routes.

6. verb - bought, redesigns, redesigns ??reroute the bus's routes

And this project really works. In the first month, the number of cars was decreased 5%. On the other hand, some NGO started a movement called "pick up your bicycle", it encouraged people ride their bike when go to work or school, and even short-distance travels.

7. Wrong transitional market, should it be 'in addition, furthermore' not 'on the other hand (the idea you are presenting is not the opposite stuff but provide addition information).

I also take part in this movement by riding bike to school. Sometimes volunteers may disguise as passerby and surprisingly give you a gift to reward you for participate in the movement.

However, cars are not easy to decrease in a short time for they are still the most convenient transportation to people. Throughout the history of transportation, though cars are not the first transportation that human used, it's obvious that they are the most effective.

Cars make people's life more convenient and comfortable. People use cars to carry contraction materials to built their house and make traveler easy to arrive places where they want.

8. pararell construction to carr construction materials, to built their houses, and to make travellers easy... Aslo, take make travelers easy....please try to use other words

In the meantime, the fuels that cars used are easy to get for the technology are advanced (??? are you trying to easy it is easy to buy gas everywhere because it is a common commodity), and since there are no substitutions for cars to make contribution to human (??? Just say at the moment there is no other transportation mode that can substitute cars), cars will not become fewer in the a short time.

To sum up, the number of cars is decrease only when the substitutions are available and public transportation are fully developed. ?? is decrease??

To me, the major problems are about word choices. It cannot express your ideas correctly.