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Toefl IBT Writing, Topic: In order to be well-informed, ..


rita66q 1 / -  
Oct 14, 2011   #1
Hi all,
This is my first time to post my essay on the forum.
Hoping you can give me some advices.
Topic: In order to be well-informed, a person must get information from many different news sources ?

Nowadays, people get more and more information from the media. Some people believe and feel enough about the sources, but other peoples don't. However, in my opinion, I believe that a person don't must get information from many different news sources in order to be well-informed. There are several reasons to support my position.

First, people can catch the information from the media like television, internet, or the printed media. There are a lot of media to report all kinds of information. But we can use the most powerful media to catch the news. For example, I read the news every day from the website CNN. I trust the CNN news, because it's a powerful and justice news agency. I don't need to find other different news sources to test the creditability of the news. I can trust the news from the CNN website. It's easy and efficiency to get the news around the world.

Secondly, in the world the information explode. People have a lot of information need to take. It will makes people nervous and tired. Take my father as an example, he receives the financial news to see how his stock going. He is panic, because he always looking for many news from the different sources. He used the internet, the magazine, the television program to receive the economic news. He doesn't smart used with the sources. He always confused why there are so many different view and opinion about the world economic. It's make him crazy and under pressure. I believe the more sources the more panic, because we the different kinds of sources can't take advantage to us.

In conclusion, I believe that we can choose the right media sources to get the right information. We don't need to find many different news sources to be get well-informed. Because the right media source can bring diversity of the information and be creditable.

Thanks in advacne.
Best regards
Rita
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Oct 15, 2011   #2
Some people believe and feel enough about the sources, but other peoples don't. ----------- this sentence doesn't convey your idea clearly. Try;
Some people believe that having one source of information is sufficient for them to be well informed.

However, in my opinion, I believe that a person don't must get information from many different news sources in order to be well-informed.

First, people can catchreceivethe information from the media like such as television, internet, or the printed mediapublications.
richard35568 6 / 14  
Oct 15, 2011   #3
some words u used are informal:0
people get(acquire) more and more information from the media
engstu - / 3  
Oct 19, 2011   #4
Nowadays, people get more and more information from the media. Some people believe and feel enough about the sources, but other peoples don't.
1. fell enough - awkward, in formal writing please avoid don't, can't - use do not, cannot, it is etc.
However, in my opinion, I believe that a person don't must get information from many different news sources in order to be well-informed.
2. don't must get - do not receive/obtain information. (avoid helping verb and modal altogether)
First, people can catch the information from the media like television, internet, or the printed media.
3. Again awkard, catch the information
There are a lot of media to report all kinds of information. But we can use the most powerful media to catch the news.
4. You can combine the two sentences in order to make your writing smooth and not choppy.
For example, I read the news every day from the website CNN. I trust the CNN news, because it's a powerful and justice news agency.

5. no , (comma) after CNN news.
I don't need to find other different news sources to test the creditability of the news.
6. awkward expression: to test the creditbility
I can trust the news from the CNN website. It's easy and efficiency to get the news around the world. 7. (to read news around the world)

Secondly, in the world the information explode.
8. fragment - only phrase, no subject no verb
People have a lot of information need to take. (see #8 and #6)
It will make people nervous and tired.
Take my father as an example, he receives the financial news to see how his stock going. He is panic, because he always looking for many news from the different sources. (see #5)

He used the internet, the magazine, the television program to receive the economic news. He doesn't smart used with the sources. He always confused why there are so many different view and opinion about the world economic. (different = many then view?? opinion??) It's make him crazy and under pressure. I believe the more sources the more panic, because we the different kinds of sources can't take advantage to us.

In conclusion, I believe that we can choose the right media sources to get the right information. We don't need to find many different news sources to be get well-informed. Because the right media source can bring diversity of the information and be creditable. (fragment, it is not a sentence)

There is awkward expression due to unappropriate the selection of word choices. The sentence is choppy, do combine them into compound sentence or use more complex sentence. You might decide to review parts of speech, sentence structure (pattern).


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