Posts by artiQlate

artiQlate

Jan 12, 2012

Undergraduate / 'the campus is one of the most unique qualities' - Emory Supplement [4]

Hi Manpreet,
This is just my opinion and advice here, but i think you need to approach this essay a little differently.

What are the unique qualities of Emory University, and the specific school(s) to which you are applying (Emory College of Arts and Sciences, Oxford College, or both), that make you want to become part of Emory University? In what ways do you hope to take advantage of the qualities you have identified?

I think when they give you prompts like these, the admission officers want to know a little about you, and how you have qualities that would help you fit in at that University. Try to write about yourself and at the same time highlight how everything that Emory provides corresponds to what you seek from a college.

To me, the campus is one of the most unique qualities Emory offers.

It's definitely okay to mention the campus but that seems to occupy the main body of your essay. You need to focus on the Major (The specific college within Emory) that you would like to attend, because that is what the prompt is asking for.

By attending Emory, I will be able to meet outstanding students that make a significant impact on our society. I will be able to look back and know that I was once in the same class as the Einstein of my generation.

Are you sure that you want to write something like that? Emory University looks for unique and outstanding individuals. Those lines suggest that you're an average student looking to interacting with the above-average, instead of being or becoming above average. They look for high achievers, so try to portray yourself as one. Remember that these essays are your only opportunity to show them how different you are from the remaining applicant pool. Use it to your advantage in every way possible.

Again, that's just my opinion. I'm sure you'll be able to work things out and finish up with a great essay. Good luck!

artiQlate

Jan 12, 2012

Undergraduate / 'looking through some old photos' - U Mich - Ann Arbor - Short Essay - Community [3]

Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong and describe that community and your place within it

(approx 250 words)

The fifteen different Merriam Webster definitions for a 'community' include "An interacting population of various individuals in a common location." and "Persons with common history or social, economic, and political interests." Yet how can one define the word 'community', objectively?

When people ask me questions along the lines of which community I belong to, my reply is "Good question!" Why? Let me state the facts. My father's Bengali, so I'm Indian by birth. I'm also one-eight Armenian, one-eight Burmese and one-quarter Italian, from my mother's side, courtesy the phenomenon of migration. To add a few more ingredients to this 'Cocktail of Communities', I was born in Bahrain, and brought up in Bangalore! It's safe to say that I might have had some difficulty deciding which community I belong to.

However, a few months ago when I was looking through some old photos that showed me how much I've changed over time, I realised something important. My community isn't about where I'm from. It's about where I am. My community is defined by the present, not the past. The role I play within my community takes on various forms, from different perspectives. My community is the habitat I live in, whether it's my family, my peer group, my school, my soccer team, or even one of the orphanages I've visited. Within my community, I'm the son, brother, friend, classmate, teammate and Samaritan, all at once. My life is my community, and my role is to live my life to the fullest.

Let me know what you guys think! :)

artiQlate

Nov 1, 2011

Undergraduate / 'GYLC changed everything - A Risk worth taking. [5]

Someone reply please? :)

artiQlate

Oct 28, 2011

Undergraduate / 'GYLC changed everything - A Risk worth taking. [5]

Hey you guys thank you so much for the help. Sorry I've replied so late, i've been caught up. I took some of your advice and tried to re-draft it just a bit. I couldn't do too much because i've got that 5000 character limit to hold to. Tell me what you think though.

Mid-year during 11th grade, I was invited to attend the Global Young Leaders' Conference (GYLC). My excitement knew no bounds as by accepting the invitation, I would become part of a special delegation of students from across the globe and travel to Washington DC and New York. This was a unique opportunity, as all participants are recognised as Global Young Scholars and receive the GYLC's Youth Leadership Award, distinguishing them as high achievers.

At the time, all this seemed too good to be true, but there was a catch.The conference was scheduled from 10th to 28th of June 2011, which would mean missing a whole month of school in my senior year-an academically critical year. By this time I had already started preparing for my SATs in addition to meeting the requirements of my school's academically demanding coursework. In order to participate in GYLC I had to complete paperwork that was stacked way up to the sky and also have to factor in the probability that my school work and grades would take a dip due to my absence.

In those critical days I mulled over my options and also worried about what would happen if I made the wrong decision. I would essentially be putting my future on the line for a month's international exposure. All my hopes and dreams of being the first in my family to graduate from a world level college could come crashing down, because of this one choice. But after much deliberation, I decided that the risk had to be taken. Deep down, my conscience told me that things would get tough, and true to my conscience, things did..

With back-to-back filling of application forms, nomination letters, and visa interviews, I soon realized that I had signed myself up for a hectic senior year. When added to my schoolwork, preparation for SATs, soccer practice for upcoming tournaments, and all the extra Olympiads and competitions that my school had signed me up for, the GYLC had turned my life into a chaotic juggling act! As predicted, from the middle of my 11th grade, to the middle of my 12th, my grades took a nosedive, and I found no free time to stop and take a breath. I was seriously beginning to regret my decision, until June, when I actually attended the conference, and experienced a turning point in my life.

Attending the GYLC opened my eyes to a whole new world of possibilities. Being a student representative, I had the opportunity to visit the international embassies of France and Ecuador, evaluate nations' interdependency in trade, and learn about the art of conflict resolution. The highpoint of the conference was interaction with a United Nations speaker and participation in a Global Summit simulation, wherein I had the opportunity to help draft policy proposals, debate issues of international importance and pass resolutions. All this gave me a global perspective on pertinent issues such as Peace and Security regulations, Human Rights Commissions, and Global Economic and Financial Stimuli.

I interacted with some of the top students from across the globe, each a unique and talented individual in their own right. For once I felt like I was part of the world, and not living in my own shell in my hometown. I embraced the experience immediately, and it has had a life changing impact on me. I developed a strong understanding of the cultures of people. I learnt about their complex and diverse social structure, quaint and fascinating traditions and even added a few interesting new words to my vocabulary- sufficient to ask a waiter for some sushi, in Japanese! Despite my initial inhibitions, I realised that certain generally preconceived stereotypes are not true and that cultural-barriers are only there to be broken. I made friends and acquaintances, who I will never forget.

Participating in GYLC made me aware of the realms of knowledge that I have yet to explore, and how much an international education (like the one from Georgia Tech) has to offer me. During the conference, we also interacted with teachers and lecturers from different colleges in New York and Washington, and it made me realise that the teaching methodology is completely different. The hands-on, personalised teaching systems of US colleges changed my perception of collegiate life. GYLC changed everything about me, in its own little way. I went, as a young student, and came back, a Young Leader.

Even today, I'm still ankle deep in the backlog that the GYLC caused. However, through sheer hard work and determination, I have got myself back on the academic track and can expect my GPA to return to what it was in the 10th grade. I have never been more motivated to work hard and reach for nothing short of the stars.

There comes a time in everyone's life when we are faced with a choice, one that involves risks and consequences. I found myself at just such a crossroad a year ago, and the effects of my decision still reverberate in my life. It was a risk well taken, which made all the difference, and I wouldn't change my decision for the world.

How'd you like it? It's not really all that different, but there are a few elements i tried to change. Is it better? I removed the Shakespeare quote. You guys think i should put it back there?

artiQlate

Oct 24, 2011

Book Reports / Romeo and Juliet were NOT in love but simply rebellious teens - Opening Statement [5]

I'm not really too sure what you need, but your second example should definitely be the main theme.

artiQlate

Oct 23, 2011

Undergraduate / 'the day we become silent about things that matter' - Penn Supplement [3]

Your writing is strong and very rhetoric, but i get the feeling that you've missed the point of the prompt. You have to give the college a decent idea of who you are as a person, but you've mainly focused on your hard work and perseverance. Consider redrafting the essay with a little more substance in it. I'm sure that would work in your favour.

Hope this helps. :)

artiQlate

Oct 23, 2011

Undergraduate / 'GYLC changed everything - A Risk worth taking. [5]

Long Essay (5,000 character limit, including punctuation and spacing)
Recall an occasion when you took a risk that you now know was the right thing to do.
There comes a time in everyone's life when we are faced with a choice, one that involves risks and consequences. I found myself at just such a crossroad a year ago and the effects of my decision still reverberate in my young life. When a rare opportunity presented itself, I knew I had to take it.To quote William Shakespeare, "There is a tide in the affairs of men. Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune."

Mid-year during 11th grade, I was invited to attend the Global Young Leaders' Conference (GYLC). My excitement knew no bounds as by accepting the invitation, I would become part of a special delegation of students from across the globe and travel to Washington DC and New York. This was a unique opportunity, as all participants are recognised as Global Young Scholars and receive the GYLC's Youth Leadership Award, distinguishing them as high achievers.

At the time, all this seemed too good to be true, but there was a catch.The conference was scheduled from 10th to 28th of June 2011, which would mean missing a whole month of school in my senior year-an academically critical year. By this time I had already started preparing for my SATs in addition to meeting the requirements of my school's academically demanding coursework.In order to participate in GYLC I would have to complete paperwork that was stacked way up to the sky and also have to factor in the probability that my school work and grades would take a dip due to my absence.

In those critical days I mulled over my options and also worried about what would happen if I didn't score well on my SATs. I would essentially be putting my future on the line for a month's international exposure. After much deliberation, I decided that the risk had to be taken. Deep down, my conscience told me that things would get tough, and true to my conscience, things did indeed get tough.

With back-to-back filling of application forms, nomination letters, and visa interviews, I soon realized that I had signed myself up for a hectic senior year. When added to my schoolwork, preparation for SATs, soccer practice for upcoming tournaments, and all the extra Olympiads and competitions that my school had signed me up for, the GYLC had turned my life into a chaotic juggling act! As predicted, from the middle of my 11th grade, to the middle of my 12th, my grades took a nosedive, and I found no free time to stop and take a breath. I was seriously beginning to regret my decision, until June, when I actually attended the conference, and experienced a turning point in my life.

Attending the GYLC opened my eyes to a whole new world of possibilities. Being a student representative, I had the opportunity to visit the international embassies of France and Ecuador, evaluate nations' interdependency in trade, and learn about the art of conflict resolution. The highpoint of the conference was interaction with a United Nations speaker and participation in a Global Summit simulation, wherein I had the opportunity to help draft policy proposals, debate issues of international importance and pass resolutions. All this gave me a global perspective on pertinent issues such as Peace and Security regulations, Human Rights Commissions, and Global Economic and Financial Stimuli.

I interacted with some of the top students from across the globe, each a unique and talented individual in their own right. For once I felt like I was part of the world, and not living in my own shell in my hometown. I embraced the experience immediately, and it has had a life changing impact on me. I developed a strong understanding of the cultures of people. I learnt about their complex and diverse social structure, quaint and fascinating traditions and even added a few interesting new words to my vocabulary- sufficient to ask a waiter for some sushi, in Japanese! Despite my initial inhibitions, I realised that certain generally preconceived stereotypes are not true and that cultural-barriers are only there to be broken. I made friends and acquaintances, who I will never forget.

Participating in GYLC made me aware of the realms of knowledge that I have yet to explore, and how much an international education (like the one from Georgia Tech) has to offer me. During the conference, we also interacted with teachers and lecturers from different colleges in New York and Washington, and it made me realise that the teaching methodology is completely different. The hands-on, personalised teaching systems of US colleges changed my perception of collegiate life. GYLC changed everything about me, in its own little way. I went, as a young student, and came back, a Young Leader.

Even today, I'm still ankle deep in the backlog that the GYLC caused. However, through sheer hard work and determination, I have got myself back on the academic track and I have never been more motivated to work hard and reach for nothing short of the stars. It was a risk well taken, that made all the difference, and I wouldn't change my decision for the world.

It's just a draft so there are probably a few typos. All advice is welcome! :)

artiQlate

Oct 23, 2011

Undergraduate / 'the best educational experience' - Why are you interested in attending Georgia Tech [3]

Thank you so much for the advice. I guess i misunderstood the prompt and focused a little bit too much on the wrong things. I've got a lot of work to do if i want to get everything within this word limit.

Thanks for the help! :)

P.S. That mistake was just plain carelessness, and you're a hero for pointing it out to me. That could've been disastrous!

artiQlate

Oct 23, 2011

Writing Feedback / History - which academic class has been your favorite [3]

Nice phrasing! your interest in the subject really comes across!
I'm guessing you want to major in history? :D If that's the case you could mix that in, just to show the college that you've got a definite direction to match your interests.

The only thing i could possibly suggest would be to refer to history in a more personal context. Try to show how history influences you specifically, instead of generalising the effects to any person.

Good luck!

artiQlate

Oct 23, 2011

Undergraduate / Mono, and Diversity. (Boulder Essays) [2]

Both your essays are cool in terms of the substance, and - with a few additions - i think they would really make you stand out in a crowd of applications.

All i can suggest are a few intro and conclusion sentences, just to make the essays a little more cohesive.
For example you could start your essay B with something like "Everyone faces adversity in their lives, and achievements lies in how one faces this adversity."

Just a thought. :)

artiQlate

Oct 23, 2011

Undergraduate / 'the best educational experience' - Why are you interested in attending Georgia Tech [3]

ShortEssay(1,000 character limit, including punctuation and spacing)
Why are you interested in attending Georgia Tech, and what do you hope to contribute to our community?

I believe that a highly prestigious, top ranked institute such as Georgia Tech, with its emphasis on research and technology, excellent faculty and diverse student body will provide me with the best educational experience. My school has always encouraged student all-rounders, and I have always sought to excel in all activities. Apart from participating in numerous Olympiads, taking on leadership roles, and winning science fare awards, my interests and achievements extend to competitive sports. I have represented my school at different competitive levels in soccer, badminton, swimming and track running. I am an active member of my school's social service sector, and I have worked with different philanthropic organisations and orphanages in my city. With its multitudes of clubs and sports teams, Georgia Tech opens many avenues for me to contribute to the college community as part of clubs such as the Soccer Club, Circle K, Photography Club, and RoboJackets (Robotics Club), to name a few.

I'm not really sure how good this is so any feedback will be appreciated :)