Unanswered [29] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by tanner328
Joined: Nov 24, 2011
Last Post: Dec 29, 2011
Threads: 2
Posts: 7  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 9
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tanner328   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / Emerson College Supplement- Life Title [2]

We understand that the college application process often feels stressful, when instead it should be an opportunity for self-reflection. Stop worrying for a minute and have fun with this response.

Much of the work that students do at Emerson College is a form of storytelling. If you were to write the story of your life until now, what would you title it and why? Please be brief (100-200 words).

" 'Err... Uh... Ah... Okay', And Other Successful Interactions with Human Beings"

I am what one might call socially awkward. I can communicate freely and openly with large groups of people, or easily persuade with written words, but when I'm one on one with someone I'm not familiar with, my mouth shuts up like Fort Knox. The thought of calling a customer service representative or enduring a job interview is nightmarish for me. Maybe it's just awkward youth or self-consciousness, but my mission to dodge uncomfortable small talk has an immeasurable impact on my personality.

While my social discomfort certainly has its downsides, such as low romantic success and difficulty acquiring friends, there are some hidden benefits. For instance, my fear of talking means I almost never say the wrong thing. Additionally, it's given me an uncanny ability to abandon ship when Aunt Martha comes over for a chat at the family reunion.

Although my social awkwardness continually improves, I'll never forget the fun times it has given me when I theoretically grow up and become awesome. It's an important part of what makes me unique, and it's an interesting challenge to overcome. And for every failed attempt at flirting, there's a confused retail employee who thinks I don't speak English, and that's okay with me.

I'm a little concerned that it's way too informal, although Emerson is a pretty unique school. Any suggestions you have are greatly appreciated! Thanks!
tanner328   
Nov 27, 2011
Undergraduate / Living in a box of crayons - UC PROMPT #1 [5]

What is LACHSA? You never said. That would help. Also, try not to repeat words. You said crayon like 87 times in the first two sentences. I don't know if it's a stylistic thing, but it reads awkwardly. Try reading it aloud and in great detail. There are a few grammatical hiccups that you'll catch that way, i.e. innocent-innocence, capitalization, etc. But your story is good. Maybe just describe what LACHSA is.
tanner328   
Nov 27, 2011
Undergraduate / 'a script for a Hollywood movie' - Texas A&M [9]

I agree with Diego. You can condense all of your dad's background into probably one paragraph, and then expand on that last thought about perseverance and strength for the bulk of the essay. Anything unnecessary, i.e. the cars and cities and all, can go, because it takes the focus off of you. Also, you should avoid clichés. "I would not be who I am today", "took off like a rocket ship", etc., trim those off. They make everything more wordy and informal, and besides that, admissions officers are going to hear them a million times, and you want your paper to stand out.

I like the "movie" thread, see if you can do more with that. But overall, good content, and interesting story, just remember to stick to the important part: you! Best of luck in the Lone Star State!
tanner328   
Nov 26, 2011
Undergraduate / "My Semi-Redneck Life"-Common App Diversity Essay [6]

I made a few changes, see if these help it out any...

I am not a redneck. I am a sophisticated intellectual. I read books, I follow current events, and I own scarves. I do not use smokeless tobacco nor do I wear flip-flops to weddings. Because of my stylish lifestyle, I am considered unusual. What's so unusual about that, you ask?

I live in small town Texas.

Texas may have evolved since its frontier days, but the hillbilly stereotype still remains. In this neck of the woods, people deem it acceptable to wear their hunting camouflage to church and attach unmentionables to the trailer hitches of their pickup trucks. As a tasteful young man, I often vocalized my disgust for these corn-fed practices. I had learned standards of what was normal from the media, and this lifestyle did not mesh with what I saw on television and wanted for myself.

Over time, as I grew up, my resentment for my surroundings increased accordingly. I longed for the days when I would leave this cow town, to start a new life in the city, in a world with paved roads. I alienated myself from these "second-class citizens", and became somewhat outcast. Even though this was my home, I never truly felt at home.

Finally, after years of being a misfit in Dixie, I realized something. I didn't feel at home here because I looked at my world from an outsider's point of view. I discovered that home is not a place where the people are exactly like me; home is a place where I'm comfortable, and it was up to me to make myself content. With this in mind, I set off to reshape my view of this strange place.

As I worked to integrate myself in this foreign land, I became aware that I was not so different from these people. They may not dress the way I do, or act the way I do, but that doesn't mean we have nothing in common. As it turns out, we have a lot of similarities. Even more importantly, our competing perspectives are constantly teaching us new things and new ways of looking at the world. My peers teach me their practical wisdom and common sense and patience, and I contribute my knowledge of literature and psychology and style.

My semi-redneck life taught me an important lesson about diversity. People may be weird and vulgar and not wash their hands after skinning deer, but I probably have plenty of peculiarities in their eyes. We'll never be at home when we look at each other's differences, only when we look at what we have in common. Only then can we experience the beauty of diversity.
tanner328   
Nov 25, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Teaspoons are Excellent' UT on an issue of importance [5]

Definitely a unique take on the prompt haha. I really enjoyed it; it has a quirky, interesting style. A few parts got a little too cheesy for me, namely "'Hey, dude, I'm full!'". Sometimes your sentence structure was repetitive, with the beginning adverb (Inevitably... Luckily... Unfortunately... etc.) So see if you can change that up a little. I'm slightly concerned that the subject matter wasn't serious enough for the prompt, but that's for you to decide.

Best of luck, and send that bad boy in! Six days 'til the deadline!
tanner328   
Nov 24, 2011
Undergraduate / Moving Forward by Looking Back -- USC Supplement [2]

Very nice!

I would change "I've" to "I have" in the last line of the first paragraph.

In the second paragraph, you use the phrase "carry with me" twice, and it sounds repetitive. Try to change it up a little bit.

Other than that, good voice and diction, best of luck!
tanner328   
Nov 24, 2011
Undergraduate / "My Semi-Redneck Life"-Common App Diversity Essay [6]

A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.

Hello, my name is Tanner, and I am not a redneck. I am a sophisticated, intelligent individual. I do not use smokeless tobacco products, and I wear shirts when I go to Wal-Mart. One could say that I was blessed with the gift of class. All of these things are fine, but there's one problem:

I live in small town Texas.

Texas is the hillbilly capital of the world. It has evolved since the frontier days, but the stereotype still remains. In this neck of the woods, people find it acceptable to wear their hunting camouflage to church and attach unmentionables to the trailer hitches of their pickup trucks. As a tasteful young man, I often vocalized my disgust for these corn-fed practices.

Over time, as I grew up, my resentment for my surroundings increased accordingly. I could not stand to be in this cow town, and longed for the days when I would leave. I alienated myself from these "second-class citizens", and became somewhat outcast. Even though this was my home, I never truly felt at home.

Finally, after years of being a misfit in Dixie, I realized something. I didn't feel at home here because I looked at my world from an outsider's point of view. I discovered that home is not a place where the people are exactly like me; home is a place where I'm comfortable, and it was up to me to make myself comfortable. With this in mind, I set off to reshape my view of this strange place.

As I worked to integrate myself in this foreign land, I became aware that I was not so different from these people. They may not dress the way I do, or act the way I do, but that doesn't mean we have nothing in common. As it turns out, we have a lot of similarities. Even more importantly, our competing perspectives are constantly teaching us new things and new ways of looking at the world. My peers teach me their practical wisdom and common sense and patience, and I contribute my knowledge of literature and psychology and style.

My semi-redneck life taught me an important lesson about diversity. People may be weird and vulgar and not wash their hands after skinning deer, but I probably have plenty of peculiarities in their eyes. We'll never be at home when we look at each other's differences, only when we look at what we have in common. Only then can we experience the beauty of diversity.
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