Undergraduate / 'the power of my home was cut off' need ending lines for UC PROMT 2 [4]

I still remember the day when the power of my home was cut off because my father couldn't pay for electricity. Those were my exam days. I felt terrible as I was having 10th grade final exam. I use to go out and study under the street light without letting my parents know about this.This wasn't happening for the first time. I was so shattered at heart but when I heard those cries of my grandmother who lost her husband because she couldn't pay for his treatment, I decided to be a doctor and provide free treatment to people who can't afford to pay. My grandfather's death influenced me and I started working on my goal. I went through many such situations, spent many sleepless nights and suffered alone in order to achieve success. But amazing part this journey was that I scored 2nd highest position in my 10th grade exam without any tuitions. Even after going through hard times, I never let obstacles to come in-between my dreams. My passion to be a doctor and help people, never let me down. My interest towards studies increased. My poverty, sufferings taught me the right meaning of success and made me strong with time. Through this struggle of life, I learned to indulge myself with people of different religions and even took advantage of this opportunity. Living with those people, i learned to speak many different languages like Urdu, Hindi, Punjabi, English,Spanish.

Eventually some years later, my parents decided to go America. This was a turning point in my life. My community, my parents gave me better understanding of world and shaped my views. They brought me to the land of opportunity. Usually its hard to go to private school in california especially when one is an immigrant but still my father worked hard and at some point took help from relatives to pay for my school. I am so blessed to have such parents. Since the day I came here, I started working on my dreams. I first ambition is to graduate from one of the UC. I want UC to be a part of my journey. Just like Kalpana Chawla, the first Indian American astronaut, I want to sacrifice my life in working for people. People say it's hard to go UC, I believe it's hard-work and determination that i am born with. My community has given me my aspirations and now I believe it's time to put all my effort and retain my dreams I have been living.

Undergraduate / "simple living, high thinking" - UC Promt # 1 [8]

I always want to come out of my boundaries and live like an ideal person. This passion towards life made me travel across countries. I lived 15 years of my life in india, land of cultures. I went to a punjabi medium school still my 4th grade and then transferred to an english medium school for further education. My parents were born in a village where as I was born in a city. Growing up in a different place from that of my parents, I lack the common understanding and appreciation of life that my parents developed from living in a village. My parents never went to college but they always encourage me to study abroad and experience the world. I am the first generation in my family who will be attending college. My father was a government worker in india. I still remember the day when the power of my home was cut off because my father couldn't pay for electricity. those were my exam days. I felt terrible as I was having 10 grade final exams. I use to go out and study under the street light without letting my parents know about this. I was so shattered at heart. but next day i don't know what miracle happened, somehow I received a letter from us embassy saying that my family has interview for immigrant visa. I was amazed and could imagine my dream coming true. After waiting for 10 years we got our visa for America. This was a turning point in my life. At the age of 16 my destiny brought me to the land of opportunity. America is a place where you can fly as high as you want. just like other children I came here with a dream to earn the same fame that Kalpana Chawla, the first Indian American astronaut earned. I am so inspired by her and want to do something magnificent just like her which will make both countries proud. My parents don't speak english but still they accompanied me and are living with me in america. Usually its hard to go to private school in california especially when one is an immigrant but still my father worked hard and at some point took help from relatives to pay for my school. I am so blessed to have such parents. They not only paid for me but also managed to pay for my 14 years old brother. In my daily life after attending school, I give tutoring to my brother, help my mom and then study my subjects. My each day gets so busy but still i managed to involve myself in school activities.

Since childhood, i learned to be independent and followed my parents saying " simple living, high thinking ". When i was 10 years old my parents told me that they can only help me with money and will support me because they are not educated enough to help me with studies or selecting career. They kept there promise and always stood behind me. I grew up never having to worry if I was going to have dinner that night. Now its my time to make myself eligible enough to enter the one of the UC university and work hard to make my own identity which will make my parents proud. My grandfather was a doctor in a village and use to provide free treatment to every villager. But unfortunately when he got sick, my grandmother didn't had enough money to pay for his treatment. As a result my grandfather died. his death influenced me to be a doctor and provide free treatment to those places where doctors still don't bother to open clinics just because they know poor people living there cant pay for treatments. people dye because of cancer. We all know that there are medicines to stop cancer but what is use of such treatment if a middle class people cant even afford it. Kalpana Chawla sacrificed her idealism or convictions in order to attain her ambitions. This is what drags me to be a doctor. I want to adopt this attitude towards life and want to sacrifice my life in working for people. My community has given me my aspirations and shaped my view. I have struggled enough and I deserve to be a part of one of the top UC. I believe that I am born with a destiny which involves leadership or distinguishing myself in some line of endeavor.

This is 745 worlds I want to make it short cuz I have 2nd prompt also to go. Can you tell me what to edit and is this essay good ?