Aliia
Dec 8, 2011
Aliia
Nov 28, 2011
Aliia
Nov 28, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Tennis' - UC prompt 2- Changing my life [9]
Hi!
Your essay was funny because of the familiar situation with my brother. lol In addition, it was written well. Lastly, don't go to college! Good luck!
P.S. check my essay. Thank you!
Hi!
Your essay was funny because of the familiar situation with my brother. lol In addition, it was written well. Lastly, don't go to college! Good luck!
P.S. check my essay. Thank you!
Aliia
Nov 28, 2011
Undergraduate / "blackbird, fly" - UC prompt 1 [14]
Hi,
The beginning of your essay caught my attention, but the rest is confusing. You're telling the one thing over and over in different ways. Try to fix it from the middle to the end. First of all organize your ideas.
Secondly, use transitions such as moreover, also, furthermore, in addition, therefore, thus, finally and etc.
Lastly, narrow down your essay (don't make it too broad/ too narrow)
Good luck! =)
Hi,
The beginning of your essay caught my attention, but the rest is confusing. You're telling the one thing over and over in different ways. Try to fix it from the middle to the end. First of all organize your ideas.
Secondly, use transitions such as moreover, also, furthermore, in addition, therefore, thus, finally and etc.
Lastly, narrow down your essay (don't make it too broad/ too narrow)
Good luck! =)
Aliia
Nov 28, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Becoming an oncology doctor' (choosing a major) [4]
The Choosing a Major
About two years ago I had been studying in a High School which is specialized in science (chemistry and biology). After I graduated from it, my parents gave me an opportunity to move to Canada in order to get a good quality education and choose a right major. I was excited by the chance given to me. In fact, to select my future major was one of the toughest decisions of my life.
There were several good reasons for choosing a major, oncology, in particular. First of all, I love science for making research and conducting experiments that are directly related to Health Care. I could work in a general hospital to take care of my patients. I would enjoy helping people and examining their illnesses in order to cure them. Moreover, the opportunity given by my parents is valuable because I would become more independent and responsible for myself for getting tiny thins done, such as dealing with finance and documents. Another reason is that I would like this job. Facilitating the recovery and saving people's lives would bring me happiness and fulfillment, such as a gardener watering fading flowers to give them a life.
On the other hand, choosing a major of oncology has some disadvantages and risks. The first one is high competition among students. Each student tries their best to get in to the Medical School and I am one of them. There is a less possibility to enroll in it because of the vast amount of students. There are also young people who don't have much money, and it makes their admission much harder. As a result, they work hard to get a scholarship. This reason is the tuition. There is one more reason choosing this major is taking risks because it is taking responsibility for people's lives. Lives of those people are in your hands.
I was up in the air for a month about choosing a major. A month later, I've moved to Canada. Since arriving here, I realized the cons and pros in obtaining a correct specialization, in my case is oncology. Considering all its sides, I've finally made a decision. After all, I began my long journey of becoming a doctor.
The Choosing a Major
About two years ago I had been studying in a High School which is specialized in science (chemistry and biology). After I graduated from it, my parents gave me an opportunity to move to Canada in order to get a good quality education and choose a right major. I was excited by the chance given to me. In fact, to select my future major was one of the toughest decisions of my life.
There were several good reasons for choosing a major, oncology, in particular. First of all, I love science for making research and conducting experiments that are directly related to Health Care. I could work in a general hospital to take care of my patients. I would enjoy helping people and examining their illnesses in order to cure them. Moreover, the opportunity given by my parents is valuable because I would become more independent and responsible for myself for getting tiny thins done, such as dealing with finance and documents. Another reason is that I would like this job. Facilitating the recovery and saving people's lives would bring me happiness and fulfillment, such as a gardener watering fading flowers to give them a life.
On the other hand, choosing a major of oncology has some disadvantages and risks. The first one is high competition among students. Each student tries their best to get in to the Medical School and I am one of them. There is a less possibility to enroll in it because of the vast amount of students. There are also young people who don't have much money, and it makes their admission much harder. As a result, they work hard to get a scholarship. This reason is the tuition. There is one more reason choosing this major is taking risks because it is taking responsibility for people's lives. Lives of those people are in your hands.
I was up in the air for a month about choosing a major. A month later, I've moved to Canada. Since arriving here, I realized the cons and pros in obtaining a correct specialization, in my case is oncology. Considering all its sides, I've finally made a decision. After all, I began my long journey of becoming a doctor.
