Undergraduate / 'My parents-the moral guides' - UC Prompt #1 [2]

Describe the world you come from -- for example, your family, community or school -- and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

This is what I have so far. I just need to add on the part about my mom.
Give ANY feedback please! Thanks :)

My parents-the moral guides that have led me through confusion, anger, and sorrow-are my greatest and most substantial influence. As an only child, in a family of three, born into the rural woodsy hills of Woodacre, and raised in the waterside refinery town-Martinez, Ca-I have spent all seventeen years of my life living in a small, yet loving home. In spite of all the positive influential opinions I have gathered from my friends and teachers throughout the learning years of my life, the majority of my goals and actions have been impacted by, no other, than my mom and dad.

When I was just six years old I wanted to be a cartoonist. I loved drawing doodles of animated characters from those how-to-sketch books, and smearing paint across those thick textured art pads. I was so young, yet so determined to be an artist for the rest of my adult life. When I think about where that determination and passion came from at such a young age, I realize that my father was the center to all of my artistic desires. My house, to this very day, is filled with several paintings produced by my dad. Whether it's white and green magnolia flowers, or a cream colored sail boat with large white sails, he has designed a multitude of diverse art pieces and created an inspiring atmosphere. Although, as a young adult, I can't say I still want to be a cartoon artist, I still possess the same enthusiasm and ambition to work with the creative skills I attained as a child, and I know that someday my house will be filled with my personal gallery of pieces created throughout the young, and old years of my life.

Undergraduate / 'I wanted to be a part of the marching band' - UC Prompt #2 [4]

Prompt #2--Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

Ever since I was a little kid sitting in the stands of the Alhambra High School football field, I wanted to be a part of the marching band. I remember those days, standing on the field's edge waiting to see the students march in and stop in front of me just in time for the audience to recognize their strong posture and diligence. I can never forget my fascination with the percussion's laughter from inside jokes, the brass' dancing to the sounds of the woodwinds during halftime, and, best of all, the drum major's hands as they waved high in the air. Not since the time I played on my first soccer team, or joined the junior high's orchestra class, had I become so infatuated with the idea that someday I too could be a part of that thing I loved so much. It wasn't just a band, but a growing family I had longed to become a part of.

At the beginning of my sophomore year, I realized that I had wasted several years of my adolescent life living with a dream without pursuing my goal; I needed to sign up for band. On the first day of school, August 2008, Ms. George, my orchestra director since seventh grade, pulled me aside and proposed to me an opportunity-a proposition of a lifetime. To this day, I still recall that very moment and her exact words: "What do think about starting a flag team?" I had never really considered the idea, nor thought of myself as a flag girl; however, the fact that my music teacher chose me out of all her students to be a leader, and motivator for girls and boys my age was simply the biggest privilege I have ever received; I couldn't possibly turn her down.

For the last three years of my career as a high school student I have been honored to serve as the coach and captain of the Alhambra High School's first official color guard team in over twenty years. Being able to bring girls and boys, ranging from little to large talent, into a family I have constructed for a good, yet small portion of my life brings me great satisfaction. I am able to help both students, and friends pursue their desires, whether it's joining a sports team, being a flag girl/boy, or, like me, having the choice to be a part of the high school's marching band without even acquiring the ability to play an instrument. I'll admit, it's not always easy telling your fellow peers what to do, teaching them things you struggle with yourself, and disciplining them when they're out of line, but I know that I would not be as strong of a person today if I didn't. I remember freshman year, like it was just the other day, the idea of performing in front of over a thousand people every single home football game left me shaking at the knees. Nevertheless, today I have stood on that Alhambra football field a myriad of times with the confidence and grace I thought I never possessed; today, I no longer fear any obstacle to come my way. I have taught my flag team to grasp that confidence I have became so familiar with by sitting together as a group during football games, laughing, telling jokes, and encouraging one another that no matter what happens out on the field, every team member does their best and that is all that they can do. Although I know that I was just one of the lucky students who was given the chance to be an instructor for the Martinez music program, I am overjoyed that I took the opportunity and pursued my goal to be a member of the marching band.

I WOULD LOVE ANY FEEDBACK! THANKS!