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Posts by earynnm
Joined: Nov 29, 2011
Last Post: Jan 6, 2012
Threads: 3
Posts: 9  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 12
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earynnm   
Jan 6, 2012
Scholarship / 'interactive clubs at my school' - subjects in which you excel or have excelled [5]

good essay however I think that you should start a new paragraph when you begin to talk about your family. Also instead of having your lists of clubs towards the bottom, mention a few when you first start to talk about clubs. That way when someone is reading your esaay they don't have to be like "What clubs? How many?". The reader will already have the information in front of them.
earynnm   
Jan 5, 2012
Scholarship / (work=travel / animals / life options) Why is a college education important to you? [2]

Prompt: Why is a college education important to you essay?

423 words / 500

Intro 1: I have gone camping quite a few times in my life. I have gone with family and friends and had great experiences with them. During any of these trips we would hike or ride the four wheelers. Either way, sometimes we would come to a fork in the trail. Occasionally one or more of the trails would be blocked off, restricting our options of which way we wanted to go. Life is just like a trail, options are always placed in front of you. However sometimes, some options may be blocked off. A college education is important to me because I believe it will unblock many trails for me.

I believe that a college education does not solely consist of the academics. However academics are the most important part. Ever since I can remember I have always wanted to be a veterinarian and open my own wild life sanctuary. In order to accomplish my goals I will have to be strong, determined, and a college graduate. With my college degree I want to go to graduate school and study veterinary medicine. With my degrees I want to change the world. I want to save lives and help repopulate the species that are going extinct.

With my work I hope to travel the world. This means that I will meet different people who have different experience, thoughts, and cultural beliefs that I do. I feel that the dorm experience will simulate the type of interactions I will have with other people. College will not only teach me how listen to and understand others, but how to present my own ideas in a manner that others will understand my point of view. While learning how to interact with others I will also have to learn to support myself. Although I will not be completely without the help of my parents, I will be further away from them than I have ever been. I will have to get a job and balance my money in order to help pay tuition, for food, or any necessary living items. College will take me out of my comfort zone and teach me how to become an adult.

The next four years will be a time of trials and tribulations. In order to succeed I will have to put forth a great deal of effort and determination. College will help me to accomplish my dreams. My college education is important to me because it will mold me into the strong, successful, and educated Black woman that I want to be.

Intro 2: The recent recession has caused employers to begin looking for employees with more education. Although I plan to one day work for myself, I have to start somewhere. That somewhere is getting a good job. A job will allow me to learn the tools of my future trade. A college education is important to me because it is the first step I need to take before I can get a job.

I have always wanted to work with animals. Growing up, I spent a lot of time visiting zoos and aquariums with my parents. My dream is to one day become a veterinarian and found an animal sanctuary. I plan to attend Spelman College in the fall and major in biology.

Intro 3: Every morning when someone wakes up, they wake up to millions of options of what to do with her day. A person has to decide things such as whether she will get up when the alarm clock goes off or sleep an extra ten minutes, or she will have cereal or toast for breakfast, or even if she if she will drive or take the bus to work. If she doesn't have an alarm clock she doesn't have the option of hitting the snooze button. If she doesn't have cereal, she doesn't have the option of cereal. If she doesn't have a car, she doesn't have the option of driving. Life is all about making decisions with the options we have. A college education is important to me because it will the opportunity to have many different options to choose from in life.
earynnm   
Nov 29, 2011
Undergraduate / 'School, study, and homework: Limitless' - UC 1- My world.. [2]

I like the theme of your essay but it seems like it is all over the place. I think that you should expand more on the diferent things you're interested in. The syntax in the second paragraph is a little akward and it's kind of hard to follow your train of thought.
earynnm   
Nov 29, 2011
Undergraduate / UC Essay My 1966 Mustang [6]

is this conclusion any better?

I remember one time my uncle took my siblings, cousins, and me fishing. In the parking lot my brother decided he wanted to run into the street. We told him to stop and come back. When he came back to us, my uncle told him that the next time he decided to run in the street to let us know. He said he my brother got hit by a car we wanted to see it. He told my brother "Don't stop, keep going." Don't stop, keep going is exactly how I had to treat driving. I would never learn how to drive a manual car if I just gave up. There were many times I just wanted to tell my dad to sell the car because driving a stick shift was too difficult. I'm glad that I never expressed those feelings to him because I always get compliments on my car. I'm proud of myself because I persevered through a difficult obstacle.
earynnm   
Nov 29, 2011
Undergraduate / 'artistic ability and creativity' - UC 2 [4]

I like it it's good but how do you view life in an artistic way. Give an example of when other viewed a senario in black and white but you thought out of the box. Such as interperting somehting.
earynnm   
Nov 29, 2011
Undergraduate / UC Essay My 1966 Mustang [6]

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

584 words

November 16, 2011 is the day I became legal. On that day I no longer had a provisional license, I now officially had a license. I won't ever forget that my first car was a 1966 Ford Mustang. It all started one day in June when my family and I sat in the car at a red light. My dad was driving his white Yukon. My mom sat in the front passenger seat behind my dad was my sister Loren. Next to her sat one year old Eva. She was perfecting her method for breaking out of her car seat. My brothers CJ and Ethan sat in the back seat playing against one another in Mario Kart for the Ds.

While staring out the window aimlessly I saw a guy pulled up next to us. He looked like a surfer; he had nice features, the perfect tan, and dirty blonde hair. When he pulled beside us I looked over because I just wanted to see who was there. I had to do a quadruple take. I saw the guy, then the car he was driving, then the guy again, and finally the car. I said excuse me mom and dad but that's the car I want. My parents were like what car? I pointed to the Mustang. They were flabbergasted on how I could want that model car.

Before my dad would buy me a car I had to complete driver's education and attain a drivers permit. After I completed those tasks Craigslist, EBay, and any other site that allowed people to sell cars were my best friends. I searched the websites morning, noon, and night. Finally after three months of tireless searching, I found my Mustang. However there was one small problem with the car, it was manual. At first the thought of learning to drive a manual car was intimidating. My dad didn't help my fear by teaching me on a street that was also a hill. However soon I got the hang of it.

Once I passed the behind the wheel driving test I was allowed to drive my brother and myself to school. The first day I drove us to school I stalled out a red light. I turned the car back on and was slowly letting the clutch out when all of the sudden a bus cuts me off. The experience was embarrassing. That wasn't the last time I stalled out. During my first month or two of driving I must have stalled at every red light I stopped at.

At first I used to track how many times I would stall out in a day. As time progress I stopped counting and I also stopped stalling out. When I get to school I have to text my dad to let him know I made it there. While we were texting he asked me how my drive went. I then realized that I hadn't stalled out on my drive to school. I reflected on the brief period of time that I was driving. I was proud of myself because I persevered through a difficult obstacle. There were many times I just wanted to tell my dad to sell the car because driving a stick shift was too difficult. I'm glad that I never expressed those feelings to him because I always get compliments on my car. Also every time I get behind the wheel of my car I feel like I am driving in a Fast and Furious movie.
earynnm   
Nov 29, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Mr. Lundin, an unusual teacher' - UC Promt # 1 [8]

This is a good essay However i agree with your teachers, the conclusion comes out of no where. I like it but maybe put something like Mr.Lundin has helped me to chose a path by what i wanted not out of fear of the unkown or something like that.
earynnm   
Nov 29, 2011
Undergraduate / 'its destiny is change' - UC Personal #2 [13]

Great essay, I agree with everyone else address the prompt more directly. This essay is definately an essay admission advisors will remember!
earynnm   
Nov 29, 2011
Undergraduate / 'My favorite animal is the wolf' - UC Describe the world you come from [2]

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

My favorite animal is the wolf. The complexity of the inner workings of the wolf pack intrigues me. I first became interested in wolves when I watched A Baby Story on Animal Planet. The episode depicted surrogate human mothers caring for wolf pups.One day I will become a veterinarian and study wolves as the surrogate mothers did on A Baby Story.

The inner workings of my family is complex. With five children and two parents, we have a full house. My parents are determined to see their children succeed in life. They raise their children to be hard-working and disciplined. My parents are also very protective. The first time I went driving by myself, my mom secretly followed me. It was a good thing she did, because I soon was off course. I pulled over to search for directions. My mom pulled up next to me and told to follow her. My parents have always been there when I needed someone to look to for the correct course of action in any situation.

As the oldest, my parents ask me to babysit. As the babysitter my main duties are to get everyone to play well together and keep the house intact. Even though none of us knew it at the time, while I was babysitting, my siblings were teaching me how to work with others. They taught me that I don't have to force my views on anyone. From my siblings I've learned that a little compassion and empathy makes communicating ideas with different people easier.

When I become a veterinarian, I will not only work with animals but also the people that own them. I will be able to express to the owners what may or may not be wrong with his/her animal(s) effectively. At the end of the day it will be satisfying to see the look of understanding on someone's face. I will be able to leave work happy because I helped both animals and people.
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