Graduate / SOP admission in mit - 'exploring possibilities' [4]

please help me with my sop to make it impressive enough.all suggestions even the harsh ones are welcome.
To the selection committee of massachussets institute of technology and sciences ,with much reverence and regard i appreciate you spending your precious time in considering my application for graduate admission into your highly esteemed institute.i take it as a honor to explain my purpose.

My ideals are my drive force.My main ideals are innovation,creativity and courage to do the unconventional.The inspiration to my journey is the quest for knowledge.

I would first like to narrate the experience that fascinated me most .It happened in my third grade .My teacher who is very informative had just thought a lesson and i am just awestruck by it .The lesson is quite simple. its about" the continents and oceans".but i nearly cried with happiness when i came to know that the world is much bigger than what we experience.It is the first time that i recognised the most happiest thing in the world that is none other than knowledge. That simple incident evoked a great desire in me to explore the edges of knowledge in the world. My quest for knowledge started .and I didn't leave any stone unturned in my path.My school education was one with many adventures .I came to know of different cultures even within a place ,different people and their thinking styles.i am proud and happy that I helped many of my friends realize their dream.I was a class representative in my school from grades 1-10 and my most appreciated quality is my innovation and creativity and my courage to take it beyond the ordinary.Mine is a small town school but that's been more an advantage than a setback. I got to influence more and more people and together with my batch we brought laurels to our school.In my school I got the opportunity to witness several cultures of my state and to keep my mind open.I am quite an information junkie and possess a wide variety of knowledge .This often came out in the forms of self expression and I started writing novels in my eighth grade.I wrote about three novels in an year .They are "the unknown scientist ","the land of magical inspiration" and my most favorite one "the revolutionary tornado".my three initial novels depicted the different temperaments of myself and they helped a lot in my later life.In my intermediate I ,quite inspired by the electricity ,their effects on materials set out for a deeper meaning of the universe and got interested in the much more comprehensive language of universe that i found out to be science .I got so fascinated by it that I can'[t help but to write another science fiction novel which received some critical acclaim of teachers "the time keeper".My ambition for knowledge made me learn many languages and i could even speak sanskrit ,the ancient language of india ,that i learned to obtain ancient knowledge from the vedas.I can speak french too. I believe much more in the expression of international citizen and I know the cultural aspects of most of europe and united states.I feel very free with new people and i could get along in any new community .In my undergraduate school I pursued the most innovative of the projects .together innovation,the drive for knowledge for better understanding of the universe and my understanding of humanity together make me fit to pursue education in your institute.

What makes me choose MIT is the ability to question the origin of universe .As my approach to information is totally scientific and I rely on proofs mostly.I believe that the experimental nuclear and particle physics is the best option for me.

Graduate / 'Strong Academics' - Graduate SOP for Electrical Engineering [6]

The starting was a quite impressive one had it not been diluted with other ideas .the para [I have always adopted an analytical approach in order ...] is perfect and is quite inclusive.I think that you should lessen lines describing your setbacks as emphasis is needed but not detailing as it doesn't form the core of your sop.you have done simply super:)

Undergraduate / 'Sensitivity, responsibility and drive' - Boston University Supplement [7]

The substance is super and quite practical with live examples and quotes that I really appreciate.however a small grammatic correction. "With these ethics and values along with distinguishing qualities one can soar high and high towards success.

Graduate / SOP admission in mit - 'exploring possibilities' [4]

Thanks for your reply .I will upgrade my essay.

Graduate / 'in a relationship with Mathematics' - Sop for Masters in Finance [2]

well what gathers my attention is the first paragraph and your obsession is completely exemplified in the second one.but i think what needs your attention is the third one .you have described the warwick college and how you can make your self better by joining there.i think it would be better if you add how much you are fit to the principle and policy of this institute and how you can be an asset to them.

Scholarship / 'I studied Economics-Accounting' - statement of purpose for scholarship [3]

hello! I am new to this forum as well .all the best for your pursuit of scholarship.the bottom line is a really good one and it would be better if you narrate in much more detail your experiences at ngo and broaden the service to nation thing .one thing i have noticed in your essay is that it can be more structured than it is .i suggest you divide the essay into two parts and discuss them and later jump to the next one .because properly structured essays are more comprehensible and so more attractive.

Undergraduate / Several Design School Admin Essay [3]

as i see ,you are fascinated by design and an inclination towards self expression.I recommend you add more events of design that impressed you[i mean the natures designs or some feelings that you want to mirror in your designs the patterns that inspired you the most you can even state a person of the design world who inspired you the most], things that you want to replicate, corrections you want to make to the design world as it exits today.you may even state a branch of designing where you want to make your debut.