Posts by eyansu1
Joined: Dec 20, 2011 |
Last Post: Dec 20, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 4
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From: Malaysia
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Displayed posts: 5
Undergraduate /
'I never liked the idea of change' - Common App [16]
You should elaborate more about JAMM. Give good examples like, you would join the same clubs and societies together, brave some significant problem together. You know, some tough stuff that makes the JAMM sisterhood what it is.
You could also mention how the sisterhood was beginning to be torn apart and how you girls became separate entities.
I like your theme though, not some boring old story about success. :) good luck
Undergraduate /
'basketball enthusiast' - Yale -something that you would like us to know. [9]
definitely option 1. Its simple and straight to the point. Option 2 is rather long-winded.
Maybe you could add something like determination and confidence. Everybody faces friendship issues but to find someone who is determined for a change is another question.
Otherwise, your essay would be ready for submission.
Undergraduate /
'basketball enthusiast' - Yale -something that you would like us to know. [9]
I think your first paragraph needs restructuring. It just gave one notion to me; that you did not make the team after many tries. One sentence would have sufficed for the entire first paragraph. You need to show the university that you have confidence with yourself. It sounds as though you are a sore loser ( no offense) . Just twist the words a bit. I like your theme though. you sound very persistent :)
Undergraduate /
"started playing the piano" - common app essay [4]
could anyone tell me how my essay is. whether this is the way its supposed to be written. thanks :)
Please briefly elaborate on your extra co-curricular activities or work experiences in the space below.
I started playing the piano when I was four. This led me to join the Practical Music Society (PMS) at secondary school. The main objective of this society is to perform and entertain others when the occasions arise. During the practices, we would sit in silence and listen to one of the members playing. We would take the comments of others to improve ourselves. We give all sorts of performances, whether it is in the form of a choir or a classical ensemble. One of the things I enjoy about performing is that it gives me a chance to express myself and to showcase my talents. Every now and then, the society would perform at an orphanage near the school to amuse the children. We would play during school open days to raise funds for charity. We show our gratitude to teachers through music when it comes to teacher's day. Occasionally during school assemblies, we inspire our fellow students with motivational music.
We gain much satisfaction in seeing our performances being appreciated.
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