Undergraduate / "What does Community mean to you?'' Conncoll supplement. [4]

I really like your essay. Connecticut admission office will love it too. But I think you can better it by varying your vocabulary. You use the words 'different', 'diverse' and 'share' several times.

Undergraduate / 'Chemistry' + 'Ivy League' + 'Math and science' - Columbia [5]

There are many reasons that I want to go to Columbia, but what I find most appealing about it is that it is an ivy school located in New York. Being any Ivy League school, Columbia University is thus highly respected and is considered one of top schools in the nation. I'd like to get educated at a university like that because I would be exposed to challenging courses. This in turn will help me prepare for a future career in medicine. Medical school is not easy, and if I want to get through it, I'll need a top-notch education. Also since Columbia is a highly respected school, it also consists of a highly respected community. If I go to Columbia, my peers will all be people who have worked extremely hard. They are people with high aspirations. Having peers like that will encourage me to try my hardest in order to achieve my goals. Lastly, I love the location that Columbia is in. Being situated in New York City, I wouldn't have to leave the city atmosphere I always loved. I wouldn't have to leave my family and friends in New York, and at the same time, I would be receiving a top-quality education at an Ivy League school. Definitely this is a package that is extremely appealing to me.

You use highly respected three times.
I think you should better the organization and word choice in this response too. Try to revise it again. In addition, I think you should include "Columbia-specific" details in your response.

Undergraduate / 'Chemistry' + 'Ivy League' + 'Math and science' - Columbia [5]

Throughout my high school years, I've enjoyed many classes but I found Chemistry to be extremely interesting .
I liked Chemistry a lot because I found it to be an even combination of math and Science. Biology involves too much science and physics involves too much math, but for Chemistry you need to be good at both.

That makes the subject more challenging , and I usually like a good challenge .
Also I liked the various concepts in Chemistry and how it showed me how many things in the world operate.
Whether it is nuclear reactions, chemical reactions, types of bonds, the study acids and bases, or one of the many concepts of chemistry, I enjoyed the subject a lot.

The concept that intrigued me most however was that of equivalent exchange.
A person can't create something from nothing.
Both sides of a chemical reaction MUST be equal in charge, energy, and mass.
No exceptions.
This rule is interesting in that it also applies to our everyday life.
You can't move forward by just being stagnant.
You have to expend energy in order to become successful.
That rule is a rule that can't be broken and it can be applied in so many ways.
That is what makes it interesting .
Lastly I found chemistry to be interesting due to the labs that come with it.
Though we didn't do many labs, I found that the chemistry labs were more interesting than those of Biology and physics.

You use the word "interesting" too much. I think you should vary your vocabulary to make your writing more attractive. Repetition is a vice in college admission essays.

To be frank, I think your response will not be very impressive for a university like Columbia. You need to use every opportunity that you have to impress the admission office for get into an Ivy League Institution. Still, you have got time to revise your writing. Wish you the best of luck with your college applications.

Undergraduate / Amherst Supplement Essay "Difficulty need not foreshadow despair or defeat." [5]

I am applying to Amherst too and I chose the same prompt.

Here are my comments.

I think the first line has very little, if any, relation with the main idea of the essay.

I did not expect calculus to come easily to me, I knew that it would be difficult, but I decided not to admit defeat just yet.

I think this is a run-on sentence.

Neither the score on my AP exam nor the grade in that class can truly depict what I achieved that year.
What was your AP score? What grade did you get in that class?

Overall, I think your idea is better than the monotonous "little-engine-that-could" essay. However, I think you should improve your organization and wording.
You still have ample time for improvements as the deadline is Jan 1st. Wish you good luck.

Undergraduate / "the duet dance" my common app essay [4]

What a great essay!!! Just go with it. But your essay has 669 words and common application says 250-500 words. So, remember to print preview it to make sure your essay is not cut off.

Undergraduate / 'understand what teachers mean' - COMMON APP, SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCE [2]

The overall idea of your essay is great. Just go with that idea but as it is a rough draft, I can see wordiness in your essay. Try to be concise.

Undergraduate / 'underprivileged children in Burma' - Common application short answer [6]

I have changed a little bit!!

Can you plz read it again and give back some comments? Although I did not have a problem in writing essays, I got stuck with this short answer. The sooner I can get it done, the sooner I can submit my commonapp.

During the Educational Outreach Project sponsored by Youth Leadership Association, I had the opportunity to learn more about the lives of underprivileged children in Burma. Most of the students in the monastic school I went couldn't even wear shoes or clean clothes and were likely to quit school due to financial hardships. The very common thing I could see in their innocent eyes was inferiority. Hence, I tried with all my might to brush out inferiority from their minds. In addition to teaching them about personal hygiene and environmental awareness, I told them about the biographies of inspiring people such as Abraham Lincoln and G.W Carver who succeeded despite countless difficulties to convey them the message that all they need to escape from destitution are optimism, determination, and persistence. Gradually, I could see flickers of hope on their faces and felt very elated to know that my empathetic actions had a positive impact on others' lives.

Undergraduate / Making Brownies to help cure cancer: Bowdoin Supplement [5]

Overall, your essay is a very good one. But I think using both "exhausted" and "feeling like a battery whose energy had been drained" is a bit redundant.