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Posts by trgcook
Joined: Dec 21, 2011
Last Post: Jan 4, 2012
Threads: 2
Posts: 6  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 8
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trgcook   
Jan 4, 2012
Undergraduate / 'I love to travel' - Georgetown's essay [5]

you really seem passionate about business and it shows. you should consider expanding on the specific reasons why business really appeals to YOU. What makes you so passionate about it other than travelling and meeting new people?
trgcook   
Jan 4, 2012
Undergraduate / "I found my name!" - my common app essay? [3]

I like the concept and idea of this essay but you should really consider adding to it. Go deeper into what makes you an individual. Talk about the books that inspired you. I really like the keychain idea but you should definitely expand more into your personal life as a student and as an individual.
trgcook   
Dec 21, 2011
Undergraduate / 'grandpa's obsession with manual labor' - UIUC: past circumstances and experiences [2]

I think this essay is quite touching and really responds well to the question. Towards the end though-

Because my interests in machine, and manual work, it will be very exciting if I can study mechanical engineering at University of Illinois. And I believe grandpa will be very happy to see it.

you should rethink these last sentences. You only hit the surface of what i can tell is a deeper thought. Make yourself sound more passionate especially if you are passionate about making you're grandpa proud.
trgcook   
Dec 21, 2011
Writing Feedback / "I saw my life flash before my eyes" - PERSONAL [2]

I looked up at the sky and saw my life flash before my eyes. I realized I had been blind up until this moment. I took some time to look around me to see the beautiful faces of artists, singers, and poets taking advantage of their youth. Am I one of them? My thoughts tend to run like a river, ever constant and ever changing. I found refuge in writing my thoughts down before they became as elusive as the wind. I looked upon these faces, laughing and alive and realized I was laughing too. I was more alive than ever. I was happier than ever. The Bay Area wind swept us all up into a whirl of music and dancing, dancing and laughing, laughing and singing. Reciting Ginsberg's America and quoting bad cult films we wish we could forget. There was nothing like being young and surrounded by new friends, each being a true individual. A band of outcasts we called ourselves.

Marina, my precious painter who looks as if she has just arrived in a time machine circa 1954. She recited lines from On the Road daily and together we went back to a time where art was nothing more than life.

Tricia, my little printmaking genius who claims she's met Banksy. None of us believe her.
Emily, possibly the brightest girl I have ever met. She was born to write. She is Charles Bukowski incarnated. Her words had always been my thoughts. I adored her for it.

Chloe, my spunky girl from LA who looks as if she is against any superficiality LA might stand for, dressing herself in mostly black and not showing off any skin. I was very surprised to learn she loves her hometown. We would both transform into little smitten school-girls at any mention of Tim Burton.

David, my partner in crime, my savior, my light. David from LA. In other words, anti-LA. He and Chloe had always gotten into fights over LA. I would secretly always be on his side. LA had never been my scene. David was the artist I always wish I could be. His art just comes to him. He never thinks. He lets himself go while the pen dances on top of the paper. It is a beautiful thing, the pen moving and creating a vision on a piece of white sketchbook paper. One line is added to another creating a picture, a symbol, anything. We would pose for him only to be replaced by caricatured creatures of ourselves. His art always had a mysterious effect to it. You never knew where it stopped or where it began. His art was unfinished, overcomplicated, and ingenious. Just like him, and in many ways a lot like us.

And then there was Josie. Last but certainly not least. She was my moon in a starry sky. She wrote poems that made one's heart scream from the inside. She wrote of unrequited love, nostalgia, and hopelessness. I remember one night she cried in my arms while I held her. I cried for her. Then, after a while, we realized we were crying for absolutely no reason and tears soon turned into laughs. She made life a different battle for me. She changed the game I played. It was exciting and I felt I was winning the battle and beating the game. I had found my confidante, my companion, my comrade.

This was my life at the California College of Arts Pre-College Program. They were my life. Being young and alive in San Francisco. Together under the same tree we sat. Laughing and talking of the things we hate and of the things we love. Laughing at artists before us. Laughing at musicians before us. Laughing at writers and poets before us. Laughing at ourselves. We never took ourselves very seriously for that matter. Instead we believed in life and youth and wisdom and love and Kerouac. We saw ourselves in each other. Our differences were what united us.

I see now that through each other we found parts of ourselves we knew existed only in the inner-workings of our minds. I see now that they have forced me to transform into my true self. I see now that the world as I knew it had been shaken, and everything inside of it came pouring down on me like the rain. But together we parted the clouds, and stood smiling at the Sun because for once in our lives we felt free to be ourselves.

On the last night we told one another we would always have San Francisco. Looking back up at the sky, I see now that San Francisco will always have us, and that we will always have each other.
trgcook   
Dec 21, 2011
Undergraduate / 'My love for psychology' - Johns Hopkins--tell us about yourself! [3]

I think this is a well structured response and I really like that you seem passionate about psychology. I think you might want to rethink at the end how you say you do not intend to seek out psychology as a major because colleges like to see that you are open-minded and curious to intellectual subjects especially one as rich as psychology.
trgcook   
Dec 21, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Curiosity' - Princeton Topic of Choice [6]

this is beautiful. I really do not believe this needs anymore work besides the typos listed above. I can sense you just from the first paragraph. The randomness of the subjects talked about created this coherent flow to your essay that seems particular and unique to you. If you don't get in based on this essay than Princeton is inept I'm sorry to say. However I strongly believe this essay will be viewed as particularly remarkable.
trgcook   
Dec 21, 2011
Undergraduate / 'finding connections between subjects' - WHY REED? SUPPLEMENT ESSAY [5]

This is my last supplement as well as my one of my two top choices. Please be as critical as possible! This is only a first draft keep in mind.

Why Reed?
I have always been fascinated with finding connections between subjects that to the naked eye seem to originate from different ends of the spectrum. The process of finding these connections starts first with a deep understanding of the subjects individually. This collaborative experience, intellectually as well as socially, is what I want to get out of my college experience. Immediately my mind brought Reed to the forefront.

I remember checking that tiny box just for the sake of checking it. Oh Portland I thought to myself, why not? Eclectic, earthy, and small. This was all I knew about Portland. Little did i know a couple months later I would be sealing my own fate with this tiny little check. Sure I will have some more information, I thought to myself. I checked the box only to forget that little check until three months later, after a summer which sticks to my heart like glue. I remember opening the package, completely ignorant of what I had come across. I barely even looked at the brochure, too tired to read yet another college tragically advertising itself . Afraid to hear the typical: This school is for you! Come here! I was exhausted and maybe even a bit bitter.

It was not until later that evening that I decided I should give this school in Portland a chance. I cannot recall how I felt before I read the introductory letter or even during, but once I had finished the letter and saw Kristine Sawickis crisp black signature along with her humble yet completely honest voice, commenting on the uniqueness of Reed and its student body, I felt what it means to be enlightened. The letter described a community I have been looking for throughout this entire process. A community where Sartre is said in the same breath as Jimi Hendrix. A community where individuality is simply normal. A community where past judgements are buried.

The words: Reed is a place where students take their academics seriously without ever taking themselves seriously, still ring in my head. For once I had found a place where all you can be and all you are wanted to be is yourself, while enriching yourself academically, culturally, and intellectually as well. I knew Reed was the place for me because it found me when I barely knew what I was trying to find. Reed found me when I was lost, and for that I am grateful.
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