Posts by 12lewisa

12lewisa

Dec 23, 2011

Undergraduate / 'lifelong relationships' - Brown supplement- Something you created [6]

Yeah those word counts can be tough.

I think the second version is definitely a step in the right direction. I think it tells a better story than the original but I would edit it a bit. Its a little wordy. Especially here:

I have always believed that in true friendship we are able to find happiness, and it has shown in the connections I have made with all of the people I call friends. I am proud of myself for establishing these bonds because true friendship is not easy since true friendship is not just being liked, but being understood, and also understanding.

12lewisa

Dec 23, 2011

Undergraduate / Intellectual Development Stanford Supplement, "Mom in the Hospital" [2]

Okay there are several things I both like and dislike in this essay.

I like the narrative story that you begin with and it is a beautiful lesson that your mother gives you. Additionally, your reaction to it is very well written and introspective.

However--I don't see the connection between the two. Why does your mom being merciful to a doctor teach you that you have to check your answers on a test? Also, the prompt is asking about your intellectual/academic development and i feel that you are talking more about personal development. Im a bit confused.

12lewisa

Dec 23, 2011

Undergraduate / What matters to you? Fuzzy Socks. (+ stanford letter to roommate) [12]

would it be better, for the first line of the 2nd paragraph, to take out the part that addresses the AO or embrace it by saying something like "The fact that slacking off for an hour is so important in my life probably isn't what most students would choose to brag about." Not necessarily in those words but kind of break the fourth wall and acknowledge the reader?

12lewisa

Dec 23, 2011

Undergraduate / 'lifelong relationships' - Brown supplement- Something you created [6]

This seems like an interesting idea, but a little bit too vague. I would instead jump into something immediately that exemplifies the bond that you and your friends have. To be honest, I feel like many people could slap their name on this answer and it would work just as well. Make it more about you.

12lewisa

Dec 23, 2011

Undergraduate / 'my identification badge' - Stanford Supp. [8]

It is a very nice narrative, but I think other than just identifying what exactly it is that matters, as others have mentioned, you should put more of you right into the middle of it. It might as well be a narrator talking because we dont get any of what's going on inside your head-the thing that makes it unique to you. i like the message but make the change from a story to Your story.

12lewisa

Dec 23, 2011

Undergraduate / 'my future as a Cardinal scholar' - Letter to Roomate - Stanford [8]

I think this essay is unique, but to be completely honest, if I were assigned to be your roommate and got this letter, I would think, okay, why are they telling me so much about a color. I do like what it says about your heritage, but I wish it would have a few more personal elements letting me know what I'm actually getting myself into by rooming with you rather than just background on your family. Just a thought.

12lewisa

Dec 23, 2011

Undergraduate / What matters to you? Fuzzy Socks. (+ stanford letter to roommate) [12]

Alright thanks, I'll try to consolidate it a bit. I doubt I can bring myself to completely jumble it together, but I'll do what i can :)

Would you mind skimming my second essay? I like it, but I feel like I'm taking a risk saying that what matters to me is relaxing haha. Do you think I bring it back enough to what I actually accomplish or does it sound slackerish?

12lewisa

Dec 23, 2011

Undergraduate / "You're Lucky"-Stanford Roommate Letter-Is it too vague? [16]

I like this a lot. Short, sweet, and to the point. Kind of opposite as what you said on mine, but I almost wish it were broken up a little. It's a lot of different topics in a very small space. Perhaps we just have different styles. I do enjoy the essay though, gives a very broad picture of you. Good luck!

12lewisa

Dec 23, 2011

Undergraduate / What matters to you? Fuzzy Socks. (+ stanford letter to roommate) [12]

Yeah, the broken up thoughts tend to just be how I think. I thought if I was going to use that style it'd be best in an essay that describes itself as a "note" in the prompt. I'll consider smushing it all together though. Do you think the broken up format is distracting?

12lewisa

Dec 23, 2011

Undergraduate / What matters to you? Fuzzy Socks. (+ stanford letter to roommate) [12]

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.

To my future roommate,

I'm an open book. I don't believe in hiding things. Here's a little about me:

I value my friends more than almost anything and have stayed close to many of them for over ten years, despite going to different schools. I am an only child so my friends fill in for siblings. I treasure my relationships with them, but I'm always excited to meet new people.

If we watch a romantic comedy, expect snarky comments throughout.

I like to laugh a lot. But I also like being able to sit with someone and not feel uncomfortable in the silence. I am happy to go out and having exciting weekends, but a cup of tea and some music are sometimes better.

I had quite the imagination growing up-I believed in fairies until fifth grade.

I had never really played sports until my freshman year. I took a few tennis lessons over the years but somehow my high school turned me into an athlete. I had never played volleyball or lacrosse before, but from the extensive time commitments and the emotion that I invested in them, those two teams became a really important part of my life.

I hope you like to play cards.

I am messy, but not filthy. My clothes will probably end up on the floor, but I'll take the trash out.

I have never lived anywhere outside of Orange County, but I've traveled pretty extensively. Traveling to me isn't just going to hotels and seeing ruins. The experiences I've enjoyed the most have been things like home-stays with local families, living in a hut in a rainforest, going on safari.

If it exists, I can make a "Friends" reference out of it.

I like to scuba dive. It feels like cheating nature. Anywhere on the water is my home away from home. A lot of people laughed when I told them that some of the colleges I applied to are on the east coast. I guess they know just as well as I do that deep down I am just a California girl at heart.

I pride myself on my ability to balance my social life with my classes, and still take enough naps.

I can't wait to meet you, let's make this year great.
Alayna Lewis

What matters to you and why?

Fuzzy socks, a comfortable couch, a warm blanket, and my Mumford and Sons CD. These are some of the things that matter the most to me. It might not seem like much, certainly nothing worth bragging about like saving the world one whale at a time, but to me, my nights off are just as important as the ones I spend studying for exams.

The fact that slacking off for an hour is so important probably doesn't come off too well at first. But in reality, I don't mean to belittle the importance of other things in my life, but rather to exaggerate it. Those quiet moments mean so much to me because they give me a chance to catch up, reflect, and recharge after putting everything I have into school, sports, and family. Vacations mean nothing if you don't leave anything behind when you go. A catnap in front of the fire is my version of a three-day weekend. Watching TV in my sweats is like a night out on the town.

After coming home from a full day of school, a rigorous three-hour practice, and finishing homework, there is almost nothing better than eating popcorn and enjoying an episode of a cheesy sitcom. My mental health breaks let me stay up to speed with all my other commitments without burning the candle from both ends. I can even see concrete benefits by looking at my team's track record in volleyball. Any one of us could tell you that we play our best when we use bus time to have fun as a group instead of stressing before an away game. Those added hours of team bonding gave us the chemistry we needed to pull off the first division championship for my school's volleyball team in six years.

Could I have used thirty of those minutes here and there on bus rides or on my couch to learn Japanese? I probably could have, but I have always maintained that my balanced lifestyle of working hard and knowing when to just enjoy a cup of chamomile has helped me make the most of those activities that I do dedicate myself to.