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Posts by ylp2404
Joined: Dec 25, 2011
Last Post: Dec 28, 2011
Threads: 1
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ylp2404   
Dec 28, 2011
Undergraduate / "Get to Know Other Worlds" - Northwestern Supplement [8]

Hey, nice essay! But you maybe need to talk a little more about qualities of Northwestern that draw you to the school. What specific program do you like the most?...etc
ylp2404   
Dec 25, 2011
Undergraduate / 'only who I am' - common app essay "WHO I AM" [23]

Ok, your language is poetic and I prefer the second essay. But you might need to make a little changes. When you are talking about impact, you are talking about the experience's influence on you. "I said with no hesitation"; this line makes me feel that you know that "Whether I could successfully do something depends on whether I can believe in myself, make choices and always hold on rather than how many people believe I can. Just like this spring, no matter how many people believe it could exist here, it still breaks out from the arid soil." even if you didn't go hiking. I don't see how you are impacted through the hiking incident. Emphasize on the impact. BTW, the "spring" is kind of mind-bogging; it seems to come out of nowhere. You need to mention it first before you make reference to it. These are just my suggestions, hope they help!
ylp2404   
Dec 25, 2011
Undergraduate / "This is Sallyport Arch." - What motivated you to apply to Rice University? [4]

Slowly, my friend drove me around the campus. "This is Sallyport Arch." said my friend, pointing to a tall building. "That's where freshmen enter and graduates leave the University". I got off the car and walked through the arch, imagining myself entering the Sallyport Arch as a freshman. Looking sideways, I can see the Lovett Hall stretching long. Looking ahead, I saw Mr. Rice's statue shining under the sun. "What a nice place to go to college!" I secretly told myself.

After I went back, I did an extensive research and found out that Rice not only has a wonderful campus environment, but also offers a supreme education opportunity. It has renowned faculty like Professor Michael Carroll. Rice's engineering undergraduate research can give me the opportunity to work closely with fellow students and professors and to get hand-on experience on how to do research. Furthermore, Rice's residential colleges, which are known for their diversity, will allow me to live in a distinctly defined community, combine study and social events, and above all, let me learn from my talented peers. Rice University will satiate all my needs, from thirst for knowledge to a vibrant community life.

This is my very first draft. Any comments or criticisms are welcomed!!
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