Undergraduate / 'Community engagement'-Colby-Supplement Essay Why Colby [3]

Below is my why Colby essay. I really love Colby very much and I hope I could get in.

I choose Colby because Colby inspires civic engagement.

From the aspect of academics, Colby emphasizes project-based study, which encourages students to tackle real-world problems benefiting the community while study. Colby Environmental Assessment Team Watershed Studies is a great verification of such spirit. I, a future biology student wish to join it, to continue my passion for water protection and safety since my Water Ecology Course and research on heavy metal pollution at Nankai High, and make efforts to improve the world I live in at the same time.

In the case of community service, Colby strongly engages in Maine, the US, even the world. When I read "Colby ranked 8th in the Teach For America program among small colleges and universities" and various volunteer program at Colby's website, I knew Colby is my top choice school. I love mentoring children and being a tutor is one of my life goals. I intern at Student Service Center as a student tutor offering academic support and mental health advice at my high school. I always feel extremely happy when the kids finally got out of trouble with my assist. I earnestly hope to become a mentor in Colby Cares For Children, who not only play with them, but open kids' minds; describe the oriental country I come from; tell them the importance and beauty of culture diverse.

Colby is somewhere I fully engage in the community and somewhere I make my own contribution to the society. It inspires.

I would really appreciate your comments! Thank you so much!

Undergraduate / 'My Percussion Playing Experience'&'My Drama Club Experience' Common App Short Answer [6]

TOPIC: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

I wrote two versions essay for this topic. One is about my percussion playing experience, the other one is about my drama club. I really need help to revise and tell me which one is much better.

Version One.

My percussion group which is formed by six performers who are devoted to music, was initiated by me, a marimba player. It's not a group merely based on the same love for percussion instruments but on an idea that music is the most vivid representation of culture. Hence, I didn't only improve playing skills or enjoy the music we played but actually sensed the culture while playing pieces from different countries and different times. While playing a percussion concerto called "Silk Way", my fellows and I were the Chinese merchants leading a herd of camels carrying cargos; I heard bells jingling and winds roaring; I experienced the loneliness of traveling through the vast arid desert. As the Chief of percussion group, I trained my crews how to be part of the music. I described the scene I sensed from the music then discussed it with them. While playing "Gitano", a piece of gypsy style music with strong beats, I told them to reflect on Esmeralda's dancing in the Hunchback of Notre Dame. They agreed with me and we all became drummers playing for Esmeralda, surrounded by audiences who were attracted by her passionate and vigorous dancing steps. Sharing the similar belief, my fellows and I were time travelers, traveling between space and time produced by music. Because my spirit worked in the group, it finally became where I truly belong to.

Version Two.

During my junior high years I directed my first modern stage drama - Junior High School Musical, a tribute to the famous American Movie High School Musical. As a total different approach from other drama groups at my junior high where they focused more on the traditional fairytale direction, I deemed my choiceindicated more creativity and original thinking, though my initiation was considered as controversial. Challenges were faced and confronted by the show was a blast. All my peers devoted themselves within found a sense of sympathy by sharing, collaborating and harvesting the unforgettable and magical experience during the production of the play. Personally the experience enhanced my ability in organizational management and promotion, as well as a strong taste of happiness was delivered towards my inner self.

I prefer version one with more details. What do you think? Thanks a lot!