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Posts by epark
Joined: Dec 27, 2011
Last Post: Jan 2, 2012
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 5
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epark   
Jan 2, 2012
Undergraduate / My obsession with giraffes(UGA ESSAY) [8]

The essay question asks an interesting or amusing story about yourself. However, in my opinion, you just talk about "Giraffe" not really about your self.
epark   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / "No one knows me"; Purdue admission/Envision yourself [2]

Topic: Envision yourself near the end of a fulfilling, lifelong career and you just published your autobiography. Share the title and introduction.

My essay is written in chronological order of imaginative my autobiography and I have no clue where I start to fix!!!

Please don't hesitate to be a critic and please help me in such as grammar, story line, tips to write autobiography, how should i start essay by intro or without intro, or how to write intro and conclusion.

I need a lot help!!! because i'm not good at writing!

Maybe my hair turns to gray color when I fulfilled my career goal and published my autobiography. I would like to say my title "No one knows me."

My mother was pregnant me when my father worked in one of Maryland's research institutes. Before I turned to one year old, my family backed to South Korea to cure my mother's rheumatism. To settle down, my father had to get a job immediately for hospital payment and started to work as an associate professor in university. Both of parents graduated from university and they also wanted to me to study like them. Seventeen years later, I moved back to the U.S. with American dream. Airplane landed and I walked out the airport with my family. Every circumstance was new and fresh; people, buildings, and so forth.

In a few days, my family rent apartment and I enrolled to high school. I started to learn English and encounter with cultural and language barrier. Contrast to Asian culture, individualism was ingrained in students' behaviors and I thought fellowship was little insufficient. When I was in South Korea, my friends and I got along together almost whole day; school started at 7:30am and finished 9:00pm. In America, when school dismissed, students drove their own cars to leave the school as soon as possible without spending some time on conversation with friends. I felt kind of loneness. However, the biggest problem was English. With my poor speaking skill and short listening, I felt I was isolated from school friends and our relationship was usually suspended at a certain point because we couldn't talk about serious topics. I was in a battlefield against those two problems. I became senior in high school and I discussed about my career goal with my parents. I said "I want to study a pharmacy," then parents said "Do it, if you want." I started to research and there was two way to become a pharmacist; by six year program or by under and graduate college. My English was still not that good, so I decided to go undergraduate college first.

My major was molecular cell biology and it was my best area to study; maybe I affected by my father because he also studied in biology. I set up my schedule to satisfy graduate college's requirements. Most of graduate colleges required more than 3.6 GPA and high score of PCAT (Pharmacy College Admission Test). My four years in university, I went back and forth between dorm, classes, and library. I had not many friends but we were close. In junior year, I acquired pretty high score on PCAT and graduated school with diploma and admission paper of graduate school.

First summer vacation in pharmacy school, I volunteered for SCHWEITZER FELLOWS PROGRAM which was to assist medical specialists for two months in Africa because I wanted to see the real-life situation and helped Africans. After eleven hours flight, we arrived at Leon M'Ba International airport in Gabon and Africa greeted my team with sizzling heat. To go Albert Schweitzer's hospital, we rode bus couple of hours. It was after 5pm when we arrived and there was line of Africans to get descriptions yet. For two months, I met thousands of patients from children to old people and especially when I saw little babies, my heart was torn. Last day in hospital, specialists, Africans, and our team took a shot. In a returning airplane, I resolved myself that even if I can be a doctor, I'll help Africans in my own way.

This is my introduction of my autobiography. It shows brief summary of my early age and what affect my future career. One day, I read about Albert Schweitzer's biography and that moment my blood circulated fast in my vein and I thought I wanted to be like him. With my ideal, I wrote introduction.
epark   
Dec 27, 2011
Writing Feedback / Change is inevitable; 'What motivates people to change' - SAT ESSAY [6]

I cannot guess score but I'd like to give some help
Intro is too vague. Add two or three more lines to add details of your think and give clue to reader what you will write, such as (for example, there were person Rosa Parks who tried to do _____things and my personal experience of _____.)

Also, conclusion is important because it is summary of your whole essay and remind reader what are your key points.

I hope you to get a good score on real SAT
epark   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Going to good university' - OH state U essay [3]

As you think about the next four years, what are you looking forward to that might surprise your friends or family members?

It's ok to be too critical. I know i need to fix it, but i have no clue.

Please help me!!!

Going to good university is a surprise to my family in itself. As a foreign student, my parents don't expect that I will enroll to good university such as this Ohio State University. One day, I discuss about my goal in family meeting that I want to study a pharmacy and be a pharmacist. My parents said "You?" and worried about me. Actually, I only tried to get descent school grades and rest of my time I'm likely to meet friends, play video games, or sleep. I can guess why my parents reacted like that. Pharmacy requires hard work and long - term study, but when I do homework or studying, I only spend one or two hours. Thus, I planned few things to accomplish my goal and flip over my parents' view point of me.

First plan is paving my grade reports with A and graduating in three years by taking summer classes. This is very important because most of Pharmacy graduate schools usually look at above 3.8 GPA. Also, if I graduate earlier than four years, I don't have to give financial pressures to my family. Secondly, I'll acquire high score on PCAT (Pharmacy College Admission Test) within college life. Getting high score means I can choose great graduate schools where I never allowed look at.

My plans include more details than shown. To accomplish my plans, my time in university must be spent between classes and library. Maybe I have less time to build relationship with others. I'll miss much time to enjoy, but after graduation, I'll be the one who laugh and hand over proud diplomat to my family.
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