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Posts by Mushrooms
Joined: Dec 27, 2011
Last Post: Dec 28, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 6  

From: Singapore

Displayed posts: 7
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Mushrooms   
Dec 28, 2011
Undergraduate / 'benefits of going out on a limb and trying something new' common app [2]

It says a significant experience. I think you mentioned hiking and Operation Smile. It might be better to focus on just one.

Apart from that, I don't see any grammar/ spelling mistake. Also, great work elaborating on the impacts the events had on you rather than just stating what happened!
Mushrooms   
Dec 28, 2011
Undergraduate / 'The Lost World' - Johns Hopkins Supplemental Essay [5]

Essay feels kind of short, although if it's a 250 word essay you are probably just right. In that case ignore this comment.

When you say the plain "is now in Montana in the US", it feels a bit strange because the plain has always been in that geographical location, it just has a different name now.

I'm especially fond of the sentence "Now that's the kind of work I want to do." It's short but snappy. Effectively brings your point across and conveys your passion.

Don't you mean "I want to know about the environment they lived in..."?
Mushrooms   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / Movies- "Tell us something you do for pleasure" MIT [19]

Everything was going okay until you suddenly mentioned "For two hours the idea beats reality..." You didn't say what ideas. Are those ideas presented in the movies? Ideas that you get from the movies? It was confusing, and threw me off.

Also, 100 words limit. That's brutal, guess you have to be really frugal with words. Perhaps consider revising the first sentence about old universe and new world. I can't really see where it fits in with the rest of the essay.
Mushrooms   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / Johns Hopkins- Conveying Emotion Through Music [3]

When I began writing music it was a means to convey any past experiences in the form of song.

I don't think you need the "for example". Maybe just state that you attended your cousin's wedding...

Overall I like the essay. It shows your passion for music, and the quote at the beginning really captured my attention.
Mushrooms   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / Why I Joined MUN (Model United Nations) EC Essay - Common app [7]

I think you need to emphasize more on what you plan to do in future i.e. how being part of MUN inspired you to do more in future. Because right now, MUN is just a model, the resolutions passed do not actually make a difference. However, how do you intend to make it come true?
Mushrooms   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / 'a destroyer of things'- Pennsylvania School of Engineering and Applied Science essay [5]

Required for all applicants: Considering both the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying and the unique aspects of the University of Pennsylvania, what do you hope to learn from and contribute to the Penn community? (Please answer in one page, approximately 500 words.)

I am a destroyer of things.

Ever since discovering that I am a proud owner of these magical appendages called "hands", I have taken apart everything I could lay my hands on, slowly progressing from simple analogue clocks to electric fans to hard disks. I can only say I'm glad I'm not a cat, because curiosity would have killed me nine times too many for me to still be around now.

What has this got to do with applying to Penn, you ask? Well, if you haven't guessed by now, I am applying to the School of Engineering and Applied Science. After all, what better excuse is there for taking things apart than "in the name of science"? With engineering, I will be able to further pursue my studies in the sciences- which I have always been passionate about- while also solving problems hands-on. It will no longer be just studying the theories behind how the world functions, but rather reaching behind the scenes and actively make improvements to the world using these theories. How exciting is that?

At the same time, I am not just a hard-core science student. Literature and the arts fascinate me, and I have spent many pleasant afternoons being immersed in the worlds created by books. While science paints a picture of our limited understanding of the universe, the humanities reflect the human condition which is no less interesting. I believe that there is no limit to amassing knowledge, hence the idea of interdisciplinary programs like the Penn Integrates Knowledge program attracts me strongly. I will certainly be glad to have the opportunity to study under such a unique system.

Of course, education is not merely unilateral. While at Penn, I also hope to give back to the Penn community in the best way that I can. For starters, I already have my sights on volunteering at Penn Vet. I have always had a soft spot for animals, and they seem to like me too. In fact, there have been many instances of stray cats following me home, much to the dismay of my parents. I have a lot of experience in community service too, from working with young children to visiting old folks. I am never lacking in ideas for activities to benefit the community, and just this year organized crafts sessions for the Young Women's Christian Association (YWCA) Kids' Club to raise awareness of environmental issues in an enjoyable way.

In the end, there are many reasons for going to college. The more practical reasons include receiving a degree in the hopes of getting better jobs, or picking up marketable skills so as to be able to lead a better life. However, what I truly hope to receive from a Penn education is an opportunity to learn how to learn. To not just gain knowledge but to understand how to use them. I may be a destroyer, but that is just the first step to becoming an innovator and a creator.

Please provide feedback, thanks!
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