Unanswered [9] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by nodumblonde1616
Joined: Dec 28, 2011
Last Post: Jan 1, 2012
Threads: 1
Posts: 4  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 5
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nodumblonde1616   
Jan 1, 2012
Undergraduate / 'many backgrounds and minds' - Why Columbia Essay [7]

I feel like you need to go through and add some voice to this- for some reason when I read it I picture the professor from Ferris Bueller's Day Off reading this in a monotone. Maybe try adding a personal anecdote in there somewhere so that it relates more to you?
nodumblonde1616   
Dec 30, 2011
Undergraduate / A Sons Hero, UCF Essay - My family constructed me who I am today [3]

I love the message, but you have some unnessecary commas in there. Just a syntactical fix :) I love it!

-Adoring someone like her, gives (Take that one out)
-Every admirable action I do, is because (That one too)
nodumblonde1616   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / 'passionate about the School Government' Something didn't go according to the plan [4]

I really feel dissappointed after this essay, not in you, but for you. It's clearly well written, but I need a sense of completion at the end. Tell MIT that your life wasn't ruined and in fact better without being Head Girl, even if it wasn't. If you can do that, you look like a person who can roll with the punches instead of one who gets down on herself easily.
nodumblonde1616   
Dec 28, 2011
Undergraduate / 'something about musical theatre' - Expand on one of your extracurriculars. [4]

There's something about musical theatre. Something about workinghours a day for just a few on stage, about the friends that become your family,and about the expression of emotion withnothing but your body. I've known for a long time that my intellectual passionwas in science and engineering, but all of my creative passion lies on thestage. I learned through musical theatre how to completely release myself, tolet go and let everything be natural. It took me hours of dance lessons to trainmy long, awkward body to dance. I thought it would be all practice- memorizingthe various turns and leaps until they became natural- just like anything elseI was used to studying. But I had so many mental blocks up- it didn't seem likeI could master it like other subjects, until one class when my teacher told meto "just let go!" and I did it. Through musical theatre, I learned to release-to eliminate all mental blocks keeping me from my goals. And that is a lesson Iwill never let go.
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