Posts by theoneandonly

theoneandonly

Dec 31, 2011

Undergraduate / 'Stickers for Smiles' - Common App Extracurricular.. Shadowing A Doctor [12]

I definitely agree Strawberry78. Thank you so much for your input! Do you think if I add the significance of the experience to the closing it would be okay? I am going to work on it then I'll post an edited version. Thanks again!!

Does anyone have any other suggestions?

theoneandonly

Dec 31, 2011

Undergraduate / 'I always wear a purple hat' - Johns hopkins supplement #2 [19]

I loved how creative you were with this essay :) Your choice of words were great, and the topic itself was so unique. Honestly, I guarantee your essay will stand out amongst the others.

Good luck :)

If you have the time, can you please take a quick look at my short essay for the Common App? Thank you :)

theoneandonly

Dec 31, 2011

Undergraduate / (librarian, dilapidated classroom, an addict) - NYU Supplements [10]

Hey! I absolutely LOVED your response to the first question. It was definitely unique!! As for the second question, I loved the introduction. I really liked how you tied together these little quirks about you with solid experience, it gives wonderful insight into who you are as a person. Well done (again :D) with the third question. I honestly think all of your responses were far from being generic.

Here are some quick suggestions:

#1 Question)

- passion, conflict and dreams.

-while a bearded man crooned a soft song of love and war to his guitar as? the murmur of conversation ebbed and flowed across the bonfire.

#2 Question)

- and worst of all- I will sometimes inherit their quirks and hobbies, whether it be becoming an avid Shogi player or being inordinately picky about my cheeses.

- You used the word amass twice in the first paragraph, it's not bad to keep it the way it is but I thought I would point it out just in case :)

#3 Question)

- Four years ago, I got accepted into an obscure camp in Russia, without realizing the impact it would have on me .

- the way I face any challenges or opportunities come my way; engaging, adapting, and leading.

Again... great job!! and GOOD LUCK :)

Please read my EXTREMELY short common app extracurricular essay and give me some feedback! Thank you so much :)

theoneandonly

Dec 31, 2011

Undergraduate / Commonapp- Picking My Eyebrows [16]

That was probably the MOST unique and hilarious essay I have read recently. You did an amazing job!!! Keep up the good work, and GOODLUCK :)

theoneandonly

Dec 31, 2011

Undergraduate / 'Computer studies and Homecoming Parade' - Northwestern University Supplement [4]

I think your essay is very clear and well stated. Overall you did a really good job :) Here are a few grammar suggestions.

On the way there, we would always pass a building and just in front of it stood a black sign with golden letters that read, "Northwestern University".

The coming together of the students at the Homecoming Parade also showed me how diverse NU was

Having the freedom to expand my education and ideas is what also drew my attention to NU. I want to be creative; ...

NU is that University.... I would probably write out Northwestern University for this sentence

If you get the chance, it would be great help if you could read my common app short essay... I'm really struggling on making it sound right.. =/

theoneandonly

Dec 31, 2011

Undergraduate / 'Stickers for Smiles' - Common App Extracurricular.. Shadowing A Doctor [12]

The topic is: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

I chose to write about shadowing the doctor, but rather than focusing on the skills I learned from it, I wanted to focus on how happy it made me to help others. I really tried to show, not tell. As you can probably see, I am really struggling with my ending. Please give me your honest feedback, no matter how harsh it is... I need it :)

OH and if you read+edit my essay, I will read+edit yours :) Thank you so much!!

Stickers for Smiles

I walked through the doorway, and received a familiar greeting; the sterile smell rushed through my nostrils as I looked around the brightly colored room. I expected to see distressed children and mothers trying to calm them down. Instead, all I saw were outdated magazines spread on a table, children's toys (that were probably infected with thousands of grimy germs) and a pretty receptionist behind the glass window.

I rushed to set my belongings down near the reception desk, and was off to the bathroom to wash my hands before the doctor I was shadowing arrived. I returned to see a petite, middle-aged Spanish woman and her son. The little boy was in agony; he held his tummy tightly, and cried softly to his mother, who assured him everything was going to be okay.

Though I usually waited until after the checkups, I knew this boy needed a boost of courage. I hurried over to him, and kneeled onto one knee so I was his height. His sad bear eyes stared back at me in confusion, until I opened my hand. His eyes lit up with excitement, and he smiled widely, as I revealed my surprise: stickers and lollipops.

I walked back to glance over the remaining list of patients for the day; six of the eight patients were sick visits. I caught myself smiling as I thought about the day. Not only was I learning skills from an experienced doctor, but I was also making kids smile.