Undergraduate / (bus ride to Project R.I.S.E. / love-hate relationship with football) Common App [5]

I'm working on finishing the final drafts of my common app essays and i would like it if you all could give me some feedback on them.

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).
My daily bus ride to Project R.I.S.E. begins as I constantly tell kids to quiet down and stop poking each other. Happy to get off the bus, I lead a group of 6th graders to math class. I start by helping the teacher put up some practice problems. It's Thursday, so the 6th graders are going to attempt the Candy Problem, where the student who solves it first receives a king-sized candy of their choice. As they are finishing up the practice problems, one student signals me over, Jay is still on the first problem. He feels stupid but I persuade him to keep trying as I help him understand how to multiply fractions. It comes time to start the Candy problem and I am required to leave the room. Now Jay is feeling confident and ready. Later at lunch, Jay comes over and pours me a handful of skittles. A huge smile comes across my face realizing he won. Being able to inspire others to find the confidence to succeed makes volunteering worthwhile.

949/1000 characters

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

Sprawled out on my back, I noticed how the chirping birds and the drifting clouds made the field so peaceful. Than the whistle blew, stretches were over and the same air was now filled with grunts and the sound of pads hitting together. This is what went through my mind as I stretched my hamstring for football practice. My football experiences in many ways defined who I am. From the simple words by my baseball coach, "you look like a football player," I decided to play my sophomore year. The first practice in the 90 degree weather of august was more than I expected, running to the point where several kids were throwing up on the sidelines. Too slow to be a wide receiver, I was grouped with the lineman. Being a lineman wasn't a desired position by any means, never getting to touch the ball and blocking for others that receive all the credit. But we were just as important, representing the muscle of the team and the toughest players. In a few weeks of harsh practices, I was accepted by the team that became more like a family to me, as we all respected what it took to be a football player.

I developed a love/hate relationship with football. I loathed its practices, Monday through Thursday right after school for 3 long hours and knowing that there was loads of homework to be done after was insufferable. I detested the pouring rain and 30 degree temperatures that sporadically made a practice several times worse. Every day for months, my body got beat up, as the words "go to the pole" were are edged into my mind by angry coaches. These words instilled fear, indicating that we must sprint 100 yards to the field goal post and back. But then I loved playing under the Friday nights lights. I liked the crack heard, when a fierce tackle is made. I'll always remember the exhilarating rush I get when my block scored us a touchdown. These almost made it worth the extraordinary effort. It's only when I look back at all the hard work and dedication I put in to being a football player that I became proud enough to do it again.

Senior year brought a completely different team and a new experience. As a senior I became a leader for the younger players, testing if they had what it takes. Practices got harder because I now played on offense, defense, and special teams. This didn't stop me, just challenged my perseverance and made me try harder. When all was going well, I took a gruesome hit in my 3rd game and tore the capsule in my thumb. The doctor gave me the choice of not playing and wearing a removable cast or getting a permanent cast for 2 months if I was crazy enough to continue football. Feeling a responsibility to my team, I spent the rest of the season with a cast on my right hand and I still played every game. Surprisingly it's allowed to play with a cast as long as it's wrapped with padding. Due to the sheer size, teammates often teased me, "how do they let you play with that weapon on your hand," but they were encouraging. I played with the pain because I wasn't the only one. Our quarterback played with a sprained left hand, our captain was suffering from a shoulder strain he got in pre-season, and various others with calf and ankle injuries we looked like a bunch of cripples. But it was getting through the season with these difficulties holding us back that made me even more proud to have played this team. Football helped give me my identity, shaping me more than just as an athlete, but as scholar and a person, who understands what it takes to succeed, fail, and most importantly to learn from our difficulties.

651/500 words

It would be helpful if you all could point out if there is anything thing that really stood out, things that should be changed, or grammar mistakes. i'll be happy to read the essays of anyone who needs it too?

Undergraduate / 'friend told me about the nursing home' - Common App Short Answer [2]

Prompt: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

A friend told me about the nursing home giving volunteer hours for doing practically nothing. I'm a little envious; as I yell at kids to be quiet on my daily bus ride to Project R.I.S.E. Happy to get off the bus, I lead a group of 6th graders to math class. I start by helping the teacher put up some practice problems. It's Thursday, so the 6th graders are going to attempt the Candy Problem, where the student who solves it first receives a king-sized candy of their choice. As they are finishing up the practice problems, one student signals me over, Jay is still on the first problem. One kid calls him stupid, but we ignore him as I help him understand how to multiply fractions. It comes time to start the Candy problem so I must leave the room, now Jay is feeling confident. Later at lunch, Jay comes over and pours me a handful of skittles. A huge smile comes to my face and I don't feel envious anymore because I'd rather be inspiring others with the confidence to succeed.

Please critique and point out my grammar mistakes, i would like to make as many corrections as possible before i send it in. Thank you :)

Undergraduate / (the city life / good impression / medical field) - Boston U Essays [7]

Boston University Undergraduate Application Essays
If anyone would be kind enough read and critique my essays, even if you can only read one, it would be GREATLY appreciated. Essay 1 is the one i'm more concerned with because its fairly rushed and needs the most critique.

Short Essay: In a few sentences, please tell us why BU is a good fit for you and what specifically has led you to apply for admission? (Characters available 750)

For a student who loves the city life, likes to see different faces, and aspires to help people, BU is the right fit. Growing up in Dorchester, Boston is no mystery to me. However there are still plenty of places I have yet to explore. With BU's unique atmosphere, priding itself on its diversity, I hope to make lasting friends with people from all over, while getting to know their cultures and way of life. Understanding and helping people has been a goal of mine, so I aspire to go into the medical field, potentially to save lives. BU's department of chemistry quickly interested me and became even more appealing after I read the descriptions of its fresh new labs and equipment, making it a place desirable to learn for the next four years.

747/750 Characters used

Essay 1 Please respond to one of the following questions in an essay of no more than 500 words: A. It is three weeks before the start of your freshman year at BU, and you are talking to your new roommate for the first time. Since you are trying to get to know each other, what are a few things you would want to share about who you are? (Characters available 5000)

Wanting to leave a good impression, I stand up and give a firm handshake to my new roommate. Let me introduce myself, the name's Zach. I've lived in Boston all my life, even attended a high school practically down the street from here. I find life in the city awesome, with things always happening and new people to meet; I can never get bored of it. If you're not from around here, I could show you around. If you like sports we could go watch a Red Sox game or if you're more of an artsy type, I wouldn't mind going to the Museum of Fine Arts, but I rather see David Ortiz hit a homerun over the green monster. Maybe in the winter we could go to the frog pond to skate or I could introduce you to lobster, a New England delicacy at No Names seafood restaurant, a favorite of mine.

Personally I like to play video games in my free time, some I play competitively and gone to tournaments, sadly I haven't placed in the top three yet. I like all kinds of music, primarily rap, but recently I've fallen in love with Jazz, my favorite piece being Take Five by Dave Brubeck. I have been learning a few chords on the guitar, but never really got into play an instrument. I believe I'm fairly normal, but my eating habits are not. I despise French fries (you will have fun stealing those when we go to McDonald's), I often eat cereal for lunch and dinner, and I think peanut butter with waffles is delicious. I am a very methodical thinker so don't be surprised if I take 2 hours to write a single sentence when our next paper is due.

I am fairly athletic and being 6'2 since the summer of '09 has helped. I played hockey and baseball since I was 6, picked up football in high school my sophomore year, I even got my black belt in Tae Kwon Do when I was 13. I don't plan on playing any competitive sports in college because I want to focus on my grades, since my high school grades didn't show what I was capable of, I would like my colleges grades too. However I plan to keep active by going to gym during my free time, hopefully there are some less demanding intramural sports to play. On the other hand I'm a bit religious, I go to church every week, but I am very open to others beliefs and respect them, I would hate to make you feel uncomfortable if you practice a different kind or none at all. Once I start something I see it through to the end, almost stubbornly, whether it be Tae Kwon Do lessons I took as a kid or the Calculus problem that refused to make sense.

I am determined to go into the medical field when I am older because I love to help people. I am inspired by my parents. My mother came from Haiti at the age of 18 and was able to become a radiologic technologist. Being a nurse in the emergency room at Mass General Hospital, my dad would always tell me stories of a crazy patient he had, showing a more amusing side of his work. I plan to major in chemistry because science has always interested me; chemistry in particular amazed me with its concepts about thermodynamics, electrochemistry and kinetics. Sorry if I am boring you, I'm just a little nervous and excited to start the school year, hopefully it's a successful one for both of us.

3169/5000 Characters used, 604/500 words used I don't think going over the word limit is too much of a problem from what I've looked up and I'm still well below the character limit.

Feel free to openly critique, applaud, or suggest anything you may want about my writing.