Posts by nthnschgr

nthnschgr

Jan 1, 2012

Undergraduate / 'My interest in mechanical engineering' - common app [6]

its great. Although I hate to say it but I think I know where you got the intro to your essay, because it looks eerily familiar. Could just be me though. Don't know if AO's will pick up on that, but watch out.

nthnschgr

Jan 1, 2012

Undergraduate / 'going to school fairs' - stanford supplement [4]

doing the something that I love <---- perhaps just "thing" will suffice?

This competition brought out our passion towards the cube in a unique and challenging way <--- more concise, sounds better imo

Nice essay, it highlights your determination to start the club as well as your passion for the cube. I do think you can make it feel a little more personal, however; try including first name of the person who initially joined or what not.

nthnschgr

Jan 1, 2012

Undergraduate / (advances in science can remain in the labs / Soccer word) UVA Supplementals [2]

I liked your first essay, the last sentence ended it well. The only thing is that you don't talk about yourself much so it doesn't fully elaborate the way I suspect the prompt demands, but your goals are implied so overall well done. I think I commented on your second essay in another thread.

nthnschgr

Jan 1, 2012

Undergraduate / "I'm from Texas, but don't worry" - Stanford-roommate letter [8]

I love the tone you gave the essay throughout, the guy above me beat me to the few corrections I had, very good job.

nthnschgr

Jan 1, 2012

Undergraduate / 'Knowledge matters. People matter. Life matters' - Stanford [4]

haha I like your essay a lot. It is really abstract, which is appealing, but it contains a lot of conjecture and few solid examples, perhaps balancing these slightly will make it almost perfect. Loved your very last sentence though.

Upon mastering great understand comes the ability to connect with others from multiple different angles. <--- verb tense on "understand"

Knowledge is endless, and my yearning for understanding of the greater truths is continuous. <---this sentence seemed a little awkward to me.

nthnschgr

Jan 1, 2012

Undergraduate / Movies- "Tell us something you do for pleasure" MIT [19]

I like the revised essay, my only quip is that it does seem a little gaudy for talking about movies, but if that is really how you feel then there is nothing inherently wrong with it.

nthnschgr

Jan 1, 2012

Undergraduate / 'My Battle with Reality (lol)' - Stanford Supplemental Essay - Intellectual Vitality [6]

I'll keep that in mind. Do you have any comments about the ending? I ran out of characters, so I ended it abruptly.

nthnschgr

Jan 1, 2012

Undergraduate / 'Mexican culture' - Yale/ Harvard supplement [15]

I started calling my mom and told her; she could not believe she refused to. I could not understand why she denied it; at that moment it just seemed like a fact. <---- the "she"'s here get ambiguous in my opinion.

The changes I have experience in life have been climax to this point of my life were my self-identity seems clear, yet I know there will be many more times when this certainty will be challenge, but I know that the changes within me will always bring out a better understanding of myself which will help me find my place in the world. <---- this last sentence has awkward and incorrect tenses

nthnschgr

Jan 1, 2012

Undergraduate / 'travelling all over the world' - NYU supplement [2]

I really liked it, but my favorite was the part about your hometown. Perhaps elaborate on that part a tiny bit more? Other than that its good.

nthnschgr

Jan 1, 2012

Undergraduate / 'My Battle with Reality (lol)' - Stanford Supplemental Essay - Intellectual Vitality [6]

Prompt: Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. elaborate on an experience or idea important to your intellectual development.

What is reality? I'll be the first to admit that I don't have a clue.

There were times when I'd muse over that question in the shower until a long time after my fingers pruned and gallons of water were unintentionally wasted. I'd ponder while staring into a fire until my eyes would sting from the ash and the logs were reduced to embers. Maybe life is an illusion, I would think. Or perhaps we are puppets. Did I have free will at all? Or were my actions instead pre-defined? Does matter make up our minds, or do our minds make up matter? And on and on my thoughts would go. Instead of answers I would get more questions, and if brains could feel then mine would've probably been in severe pain. My mom would tell me to stop thinking so much, but I couldn't. I had to delve further. I read about different religions and philosophies to find my answer, from Christianity to Buddhism to Absurdism. I even tried meditation, although at the time I was probably too restless to make it work. When I took physics my junior year, I thought science would finally give me the answer I sought, but instead it further perplexed my world-view. I was shocked to discover that electrons alter their behavior by simply being observed, and that two particles can resonate in sync over infinite distances. The world's rules were even less solid than I thought. After school, I would go investigate physics further on Youtube. I would find amazing demonstrations of ferrofluid structures, alien-like non-Newtonian substances dancing on sub-woofers, and sand particles forming turtle shell-like geometric patterns when exposed to high frequencies. I was enchanted; I even tried playing my saxophone to some sand on a plate in a desperate effort to charm the particles into performing the last phenomena for myself. It didn't work like I'd hoped.

Will I ever find my answer? Maybe not, but I'll keep looking. In hindsight my search gave me tremendous respect for nature and life, and what's more important than that?

I feel like the ending needs work. Thoughts? will return favor