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'going to school fairs' - stanford supplement

m7md 4 / 16  
Jan 1, 2012   #1
here is my my essay for the stanford supplement
Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development.

When I was younger I had the habit of going to fairs that were held at my school each year. I have always enjoyed my time there with family and friends. However, it once happened that I stumbled upon a booth that was selling souvenirs in one of the fairs. Of all the things that were in exhibit it was Rubik's cube that particularly triggered my curiosity. From that day on that cube would become an integral part of my life. I would always carry it on me wherever I go and try to unravel it whenever I had time. When I was in tenth grade I thought about sharing my hobby with others by setting up Rubik's cube school club. Its first few days it weren't a success, but this did not hold me down. Every day I would sit with my cube and patiently wait for someone to show up. It then happened one day that someone arrived with a cube in his hand and asked if he could join. Since then the club started to flourish. Day by day people would come and ask if they can join the club or watch me and other members sitting together trying different strategies and approaches to the cube. But one day we decided to take the cubing to a whole new level; we turned it into a competition. This competition gave us all an opportunity to express our passion towards the cube in a unique and challenging way. Even though I didn't win the competition I enjoyed doing the something that I love while being surrounded by a competitive atmosphere. It was really an experience to remember.

what do you think i think its a bit empty any suggestions please tell the truth and be harsh!
i will be more that willing to help you with your essay
alexxisx - / 8  
Jan 1, 2012   #2
I think your idea is very unique, but I see what you mean when you say you think it's a bit empty. You describe what happened, but your passion does not shine through your essay. Perhaps you could describe a little about how the Rubik's cube fascinates you, WHY did it "trigger my curiosity"? You are also quite vague; I think if you went into more specifics, your essay would be much stronger. For example "It then happened one day that someone arrived with a cube..." Maybe you could say WHO..WHEN..."But then one Wednesday afternoon, Brendon, a sophmore, appeared at the door with a cube in hand" - just a suggestion...I hope you get what I mean though. So overall, good job, but just get into the specifics a little and your passion will show much better. Good luck.
nthnschgr 1 / 9  
Jan 1, 2012   #3
doing the something that I love <---- perhaps just "thing" will suffice?

This competition brought out our passion towards the cube in a unique and challenging way <--- more concise, sounds better imo

Nice essay, it highlights your determination to start the club as well as your passion for the cube. I do think you can make it feel a little more personal, however; try including first name of the person who initially joined or what not.
OP m7md 4 / 16  
Jan 1, 2012   #4
thanks for your help
and thank you for bringing "the something" to my attention i had as the thing at first then changed it to something and forgot about "the"

any more suggestions?

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