paul1911
Feb 5, 2012
Writing Feedback / Art of writing, playing music; every have the right to choose any kind of music [6]
Thanks to all!!
I seems to be that, I've to improve a lot.
Thanks to all!!
I seems to be that, I've to improve a lot.
paul1911
Feb 4, 2012
Undergraduate / 'the best knowledge and experience' Uni of Toronto: Application Essay for Engineering [7]
Your essay is good and I don't think that you need any conclusion, because this is just for an Application form and not for an academic writing where your opinion or conclusion is required. As I can see there are three parts of the question and all your three paragraphs were successfully covering the demands of the question.
As I'm not a good in English so I cannot comment on your errors. But I'd say, very well written using wide range of vocabulary and should not contain any mistakes.
Good luck with your application!!
Your essay is good and I don't think that you need any conclusion, because this is just for an Application form and not for an academic writing where your opinion or conclusion is required. As I can see there are three parts of the question and all your three paragraphs were successfully covering the demands of the question.
As I'm not a good in English so I cannot comment on your errors. But I'd say, very well written using wide range of vocabulary and should not contain any mistakes.
Good luck with your application!!
paul1911
Feb 4, 2012
Undergraduate / 'to commmit a hundred percent of my focus' - The Art Institute essay [3]
Hi
I'm not a good English writer but
Let me tell you what I've understood by reading your answer to the question. According to my view, your answer is not as per the question requirement.
Read the question again. It was asking about "What your career Goals? " and your answer is to "create my own video game ". I think, this does not sounds better. It should be something like which should attract the interest of the reader. If I were you, I'd write "As a proprietor, I want to develop my own gaming company, so that I can use my all creative ideas to be in top by hitting all the major gaming companies and to gain a name & place in the world history".
"how do you expect your education at The Art Institute to help you attain them?"
Here the demand of a question is - how do you think? our institute will able to provide you adequate knowledge to help you achieve your goal?
so basically you have to write, what makes you to choose this institute? What you have seen, read, heard about this institute before you applied.
So you have to show the reader that, you've selected the right institute to help achieve your goal.
In what ways will you participate and commit to your education in order to be successful?"
Here the question demand is - what you'll do by yourself other than a college education in order to be successful.
and also I'd like to remove first and last sentence of this essay.
Hope this helps!!
Hi
I'm not a good English writer but
Let me tell you what I've understood by reading your answer to the question. According to my view, your answer is not as per the question requirement.
Read the question again. It was asking about "What your career Goals? " and your answer is to "create my own video game ". I think, this does not sounds better. It should be something like which should attract the interest of the reader. If I were you, I'd write "As a proprietor, I want to develop my own gaming company, so that I can use my all creative ideas to be in top by hitting all the major gaming companies and to gain a name & place in the world history".
"how do you expect your education at The Art Institute to help you attain them?"
Here the demand of a question is - how do you think? our institute will able to provide you adequate knowledge to help you achieve your goal?
so basically you have to write, what makes you to choose this institute? What you have seen, read, heard about this institute before you applied.
So you have to show the reader that, you've selected the right institute to help achieve your goal.
In what ways will you participate and commit to your education in order to be successful?"
Here the question demand is - what you'll do by yourself other than a college education in order to be successful.
and also I'd like to remove first and last sentence of this essay.
Hope this helps!!
paul1911
Feb 4, 2012
Writing Feedback / Deficient water resources: causes and solutions [9]
It seems to be a very little mistake and can be omitted. I like the way you have presented, it is in a logical order and the way to have linked your ideas!! Overall its better.
It seems to be a very little mistake and can be omitted. I like the way you have presented, it is in a logical order and the way to have linked your ideas!! Overall its better.
paul1911
Feb 4, 2012
Writing Feedback / Art of writing, playing music; every have the right to choose any kind of music [6]
Thanks for the correction!!
Thanks for the correction!!
paul1911
Feb 3, 2012
Writing Feedback / Art of writing, playing music; every have the right to choose any kind of music [6]
There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard every nowadays?
Music is an instrumental sound combined in a pleasing way. It is an art of writing or playing music. There are around hundreds of countries around the world today and all of them having a different traditional music.
I believe, music is very important in our life. It makes you feel relax, good and sometimes makes you cry, emotional or takes you in the world of imagination. There are different types of music are available in this world today made by a rhythmic sound and melodies. One have a chance to choose any kind of music which suits their needs. No matter in whatever mood you are. Today in the world of developing technologies artist all over the world had put their all efforts in producing a world class music for every emotional state for every person.
No one knows, from how many years we are listening to music. From where it has come from? All I can say, without music many people will loose their enthusiasm.
It is believed, traditional music is more important than the international one, and it is being heard every nowadays. I think, todays generation children and adults likes to hear more international music than a traditional one. Whereas, others likes to listen only traditional one. This is because, some people think we should not stop listening to our traditional music, and we should continue to forward our traditional and culture from generation to generation and should not loose it completely.
In my opinion, he likes to listen. Whether it is completely international or traditional and we should not interfere to the one's interest.every person have the right to choose any kind of music
Comments are most welcome. Please also report about my grammatical mistakes, structure. How much you will give? Your opinion about my written essay!!
There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard every nowadays?
Music is an instrumental sound combined in a pleasing way. It is an art of writing or playing music. There are around hundreds of countries around the world today and all of them having a different traditional music.
I believe, music is very important in our life. It makes you feel relax, good and sometimes makes you cry, emotional or takes you in the world of imagination. There are different types of music are available in this world today made by a rhythmic sound and melodies. One have a chance to choose any kind of music which suits their needs. No matter in whatever mood you are. Today in the world of developing technologies artist all over the world had put their all efforts in producing a world class music for every emotional state for every person.
No one knows, from how many years we are listening to music. From where it has come from? All I can say, without music many people will loose their enthusiasm.
It is believed, traditional music is more important than the international one, and it is being heard every nowadays. I think, todays generation children and adults likes to hear more international music than a traditional one. Whereas, others likes to listen only traditional one. This is because, some people think we should not stop listening to our traditional music, and we should continue to forward our traditional and culture from generation to generation and should not loose it completely.
In my opinion, he likes to listen. Whether it is completely international or traditional and we should not interfere to the one's interest.every person have the right to choose any kind of music
Comments are most welcome. Please also report about my grammatical mistakes, structure. How much you will give? Your opinion about my written essay!!