zumi78878
Feb 12, 2012
zumi78878
Feb 11, 2012
Undergraduate / 'my engineering aspirations' - Queen's PSE Essay [4]
In an essay of 300 words, or fewer (approximately 1950 characters with spaces), write about your goals for your time at Queen's University and beyond. Your answer will be evaluated for content and writing style.
I feel that my conclusion is not strong enough, but I am limited to 300 words. Can anybody give me suggestions on how to shorten parts of the essay where information is not necessary and create a stronger conclusion while still limiting to 300 words? Thanks a bunch!
I believe that the best knowledge and opportunity for new experiences can enable me to fully peruse my engineering aspirations. Queen's university is the most profound place for this, as there is a large diversity in the student body, many outstanding clubs to join, and a group of excellent professors. The Integrated Learning Centre particularly attracted me to the university. Hence, one goal is to be able to work inside this facility and develop new skills and build upon previous skills including leadership, teamwork, and communication and increase the depth of my learning. In essence, I will have a greater understanding of other engineering disciplines and of the role of professionals outside of engineering.
I am a person who devotes a part of my life into helping others, as that brings upon great satisfaction. During my time at Queen's University, I would not only like to achieve high academic grades, but also be greatly involved with the community at Kingston and activities outside of academics. I believe that Queen's University will provide me with this complementary aspect due to the amazing Queen's University International Centre and my aspiration is to, one day, become a part of their team. Due to Queen's great worldwide relations, I am looking forward to their international exchange opportunities and spend a part of my time studying or working abroad to build a larger international social network and build my understanding of other countries and their cultures.
After graduating from Queen's University, I will apply the numerous academic and social skills that I've learned into my career as an engineer. Along with that, I hope to fulfill my childhood dream: to create and give rise to something using my own skills that will enlighten the world and that I will be recognized and remembered for.
In an essay of 300 words, or fewer (approximately 1950 characters with spaces), write about your goals for your time at Queen's University and beyond. Your answer will be evaluated for content and writing style.
I feel that my conclusion is not strong enough, but I am limited to 300 words. Can anybody give me suggestions on how to shorten parts of the essay where information is not necessary and create a stronger conclusion while still limiting to 300 words? Thanks a bunch!
I believe that the best knowledge and opportunity for new experiences can enable me to fully peruse my engineering aspirations. Queen's university is the most profound place for this, as there is a large diversity in the student body, many outstanding clubs to join, and a group of excellent professors. The Integrated Learning Centre particularly attracted me to the university. Hence, one goal is to be able to work inside this facility and develop new skills and build upon previous skills including leadership, teamwork, and communication and increase the depth of my learning. In essence, I will have a greater understanding of other engineering disciplines and of the role of professionals outside of engineering.
I am a person who devotes a part of my life into helping others, as that brings upon great satisfaction. During my time at Queen's University, I would not only like to achieve high academic grades, but also be greatly involved with the community at Kingston and activities outside of academics. I believe that Queen's University will provide me with this complementary aspect due to the amazing Queen's University International Centre and my aspiration is to, one day, become a part of their team. Due to Queen's great worldwide relations, I am looking forward to their international exchange opportunities and spend a part of my time studying or working abroad to build a larger international social network and build my understanding of other countries and their cultures.
After graduating from Queen's University, I will apply the numerous academic and social skills that I've learned into my career as an engineer. Along with that, I hope to fulfill my childhood dream: to create and give rise to something using my own skills that will enlighten the world and that I will be recognized and remembered for.
zumi78878
Feb 11, 2012
Essays / Writing about dolphins and whales using literary devices [8]
Since dolphins and whales are like "creatures of the sea", you can describe them like how you would describe the sea, like how they express "purity" or "peacefulness" or even compare them to the colour blue, which also has very significant meanings.
hope that helped!
Since dolphins and whales are like "creatures of the sea", you can describe them like how you would describe the sea, like how they express "purity" or "peacefulness" or even compare them to the colour blue, which also has very significant meanings.
hope that helped!
zumi78878
Feb 11, 2012
Essays / could u check my thesis; is it strong enough? [8]
The end of segregation during the mid-twentieth century would not have taken place without strong people, determination, and prayer.
WIthout the great determination and prayers of the people and the eminent minds of strong leaders, the segregation during the mid-twentieth century would not have ended.
The end of segregation during the mid-twentieth century would not have taken place without strong people, determination, and prayer.
WIthout the great determination and prayers of the people and the eminent minds of strong leaders, the segregation during the mid-twentieth century would not have ended.
zumi78878
Feb 11, 2012
Undergraduate / 'the best knowledge and experience' Uni of Toronto: Application Essay for Engineering [7]
thanks a bunch!
thanks a bunch!
zumi78878
Feb 4, 2012
Undergraduate / 'the best knowledge and experience' Uni of Toronto: Application Essay for Engineering [7]
thanks alot :)
hmm... can anybody try to shorten it to 3000 characters for me? (including spaces)
right now, its 3317 characters, but i have no idea what information in there are useless.
As a child, I've always wondered about how everything worked in this world and not merely how to use that particular mechanism. Whenever a problem surfaced, whether it was the heater not working, or the stove not working, I was always curious on both why the problem occurred and the solution to the problem. The technology and engineering behind every gadget or contraption greatly interested me. Due to that, a lifetime goal and dream had been provoked: to create and give rise to something using my own skills that will enlighten the world and that I will be remembered for. That was when my passion for engineering sparked. In order for this to succeed, I figured that the best and only approach was to pursue in an engineering degree. With that, my mind will be enlightened with profound knowledge in the field of engineering and, at the same time, help to develop my vision for my future creations.
During my high school life, I was more exposed to the background of engineering after taking physics and chemistry. They came as second nature to me, interested me a great deal and helped me develop skills to think analytically and innovate solutions to problems with theories that I've learned. Wherever I went and whatever I did, I was able to apply my knowledge of physics and/or chemistry towards that particular matter. Due to that, I immediately grasped on the path of engineering. In fact, the two courses, along with math, were my favourite courses throughout high school. Beginning in Grade 11, I was the teacher's assistant for both the math and the science department. I shared my knowledge with other students by tutoring them in mathematics and sciences and made sure that they understood the concept behind every problem and not simply the solution. This was a great experience for me, as it developed my communication, teamwork, and patience skills. As seen in my hundreds of hours of community services, I highly enjoyed helping others and the community, as that brought upon fulfilment for both others and I. As a university student, I will be able to help others and simultaneously strengthen my own knowledge. As a future engineering, I will be able to express my ideas in a simple, yet informational way and lead an entire team to success. During my employment at CNE at their Go Karts station, I was acknowledged with the engineering behind the karts. Throughout my entire employment period, I applied all the knowledge that I've learned in school and at work into fixing the karts and I learned to become a hard-worker and developed skills of teamwork and perseverance. This portrayed my passion for problem solving and inspired me to become an engineer.
In order to achieve my childhood goal, I believe that the best knowledge and opportunity for new experiences can enable me to fully peruse my engineering aspirations. University of Toronto is the most profound place for the two qualities, as there is a large diversity in the student body, many outstanding clubs to join, and a group of exceptional professors. EngSoc especially attracted me to the university and I hope to become a part of their team to assist other students and to organize events. Hence, University of Toronto will provide the greatest environment for me to pursue my passion in engineering.
thanks alot :)
hmm... can anybody try to shorten it to 3000 characters for me? (including spaces)
right now, its 3317 characters, but i have no idea what information in there are useless.
As a child, I've always wondered about how everything worked in this world and not merely how to use that particular mechanism. Whenever a problem surfaced, whether it was the heater not working, or the stove not working, I was always curious on both why the problem occurred and the solution to the problem. The technology and engineering behind every gadget or contraption greatly interested me. Due to that, a lifetime goal and dream had been provoked: to create and give rise to something using my own skills that will enlighten the world and that I will be remembered for. That was when my passion for engineering sparked. In order for this to succeed, I figured that the best and only approach was to pursue in an engineering degree. With that, my mind will be enlightened with profound knowledge in the field of engineering and, at the same time, help to develop my vision for my future creations.
During my high school life, I was more exposed to the background of engineering after taking physics and chemistry. They came as second nature to me, interested me a great deal and helped me develop skills to think analytically and innovate solutions to problems with theories that I've learned. Wherever I went and whatever I did, I was able to apply my knowledge of physics and/or chemistry towards that particular matter. Due to that, I immediately grasped on the path of engineering. In fact, the two courses, along with math, were my favourite courses throughout high school. Beginning in Grade 11, I was the teacher's assistant for both the math and the science department. I shared my knowledge with other students by tutoring them in mathematics and sciences and made sure that they understood the concept behind every problem and not simply the solution. This was a great experience for me, as it developed my communication, teamwork, and patience skills. As seen in my hundreds of hours of community services, I highly enjoyed helping others and the community, as that brought upon fulfilment for both others and I. As a university student, I will be able to help others and simultaneously strengthen my own knowledge. As a future engineering, I will be able to express my ideas in a simple, yet informational way and lead an entire team to success. During my employment at CNE at their Go Karts station, I was acknowledged with the engineering behind the karts. Throughout my entire employment period, I applied all the knowledge that I've learned in school and at work into fixing the karts and I learned to become a hard-worker and developed skills of teamwork and perseverance. This portrayed my passion for problem solving and inspired me to become an engineer.
In order to achieve my childhood goal, I believe that the best knowledge and opportunity for new experiences can enable me to fully peruse my engineering aspirations. University of Toronto is the most profound place for the two qualities, as there is a large diversity in the student body, many outstanding clubs to join, and a group of exceptional professors. EngSoc especially attracted me to the university and I hope to become a part of their team to assist other students and to organize events. Hence, University of Toronto will provide the greatest environment for me to pursue my passion in engineering.
zumi78878
Feb 4, 2012
Undergraduate / 'the best knowledge and experience' Uni of Toronto: Application Essay for Engineering [7]
thanks paul! :)
but i still feel that the conclusion makes the rest of the essay not as strong. So I hope that someone can try to fix it up, as that would be extremely appreciated!
thanks paul! :)
but i still feel that the conclusion makes the rest of the essay not as strong. So I hope that someone can try to fix it up, as that would be extremely appreciated!
zumi78878
Feb 4, 2012
Undergraduate / 'the best knowledge and experience' Uni of Toronto: Application Essay for Engineering [7]
What has inspired you to pursue an engineering degree and why would you like to study at the University of Toronto?
What skills have you developed through your extra-curricular experiences that will support your future success as both a student and an engineer?
As a child, I've always wondered about how everything worked in this world and not merely how to use that particular mechanism. Whenever a problem surfaced, whether it was the heater not working, or the stove not working, I was always curious on both why the problem occurred and the solution to the problem. The technology and engineering behind every gadget or contraption greatly interested me. Due to that, a lifetime goal and dream had been provoked: to create and give rise to something using my own skills that will enlighten the world and that I will be remembered for. That was when my passion for engineering sparked. In order for this to succeed, I figured that the best and only approach was to pursue in an engineering degree. With that, my mind will be enlightened with profound knowledge in the field of engineering and, at the same time, help to develop my vision for my future creations.
During my high school life, I was more exposed to the background of engineering after taking physics and chemistry. They came as second nature to me, interested me a great deal and helped me develop skills to think to think analytically and innovate solutions to problems with theories that I've learned. Wherever I went and whatever I did, I was able to apply my knowledge of physics and/or chemistry towards that particular matter. Due to that, I immediately grasped on the path of engineering. In fact, the two courses, along with math, were my favourite courses that I've taken throughout my entire high school life. Beginning in Grade 11, I was the teacher's assistant for both the math and the science department and I shared my knowledge with other students who were in need of help. After school, I tutored students in mathematics and sciences and made sure that they understood the concept behind every problem and not simply memorize the method to solve each problem. This was a great experience for me, as it developed my communication, teamwork, and patience skills. As seen in my hundreds of hours of community service, I highly enjoyed helping others and the community, as that brought upon fulfilment for both others and I. As a university student, I will be able to help others who are in need of help and simultaneously strengthen my own knowledge. As a future engineering, I will be able to express my ideas in a simple, yet informational way and lead an entire team to success. During my employment at CNE at their Go Karts station, I was acknowledged with the engineering behind the karts and how everything worked. Throughout my entire employment period, I applied all the knowledge that I've learned in school and at work into fixing the karts and I learned to become a hard-worker and developed skills of teamwork and perseverance. This portrayed my passion for problem solving and inspired me to become an engineer.
In order to achieve my childhood goal, I need to be offered the best knowledge and experience. University of Toronto is the most profound place for the two qualities, as there is a large diversity in the student body, many outstanding clubs to join, and a group of exceptional professors. Hence, University of Toronto will provide the greatest environment for me to pursue my passion in engineering.
I feel that my conclusion is really weak. Can anybody please provide some help to strengthen it? Also, are there unnecessary and/or repetitive information within the essay? Thanks a lot guys!
What has inspired you to pursue an engineering degree and why would you like to study at the University of Toronto?
What skills have you developed through your extra-curricular experiences that will support your future success as both a student and an engineer?
As a child, I've always wondered about how everything worked in this world and not merely how to use that particular mechanism. Whenever a problem surfaced, whether it was the heater not working, or the stove not working, I was always curious on both why the problem occurred and the solution to the problem. The technology and engineering behind every gadget or contraption greatly interested me. Due to that, a lifetime goal and dream had been provoked: to create and give rise to something using my own skills that will enlighten the world and that I will be remembered for. That was when my passion for engineering sparked. In order for this to succeed, I figured that the best and only approach was to pursue in an engineering degree. With that, my mind will be enlightened with profound knowledge in the field of engineering and, at the same time, help to develop my vision for my future creations.
During my high school life, I was more exposed to the background of engineering after taking physics and chemistry. They came as second nature to me, interested me a great deal and helped me develop skills to think to think analytically and innovate solutions to problems with theories that I've learned. Wherever I went and whatever I did, I was able to apply my knowledge of physics and/or chemistry towards that particular matter. Due to that, I immediately grasped on the path of engineering. In fact, the two courses, along with math, were my favourite courses that I've taken throughout my entire high school life. Beginning in Grade 11, I was the teacher's assistant for both the math and the science department and I shared my knowledge with other students who were in need of help. After school, I tutored students in mathematics and sciences and made sure that they understood the concept behind every problem and not simply memorize the method to solve each problem. This was a great experience for me, as it developed my communication, teamwork, and patience skills. As seen in my hundreds of hours of community service, I highly enjoyed helping others and the community, as that brought upon fulfilment for both others and I. As a university student, I will be able to help others who are in need of help and simultaneously strengthen my own knowledge. As a future engineering, I will be able to express my ideas in a simple, yet informational way and lead an entire team to success. During my employment at CNE at their Go Karts station, I was acknowledged with the engineering behind the karts and how everything worked. Throughout my entire employment period, I applied all the knowledge that I've learned in school and at work into fixing the karts and I learned to become a hard-worker and developed skills of teamwork and perseverance. This portrayed my passion for problem solving and inspired me to become an engineer.
In order to achieve my childhood goal, I need to be offered the best knowledge and experience. University of Toronto is the most profound place for the two qualities, as there is a large diversity in the student body, many outstanding clubs to join, and a group of exceptional professors. Hence, University of Toronto will provide the greatest environment for me to pursue my passion in engineering.
I feel that my conclusion is really weak. Can anybody please provide some help to strengthen it? Also, are there unnecessary and/or repetitive information within the essay? Thanks a lot guys!