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Posts by priscileung
Joined: Dec 9, 2008
Last Post: Jan 15, 2009
Threads: 10
Posts: 42  

From: Toronto

Displayed posts: 52 / page 2 of 2
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priscileung   
Jan 13, 2009
Undergraduate / Title for college application essay? [16]

is it bad if i didn't put a title to any of my essays but instead had the prompt as a heading and uploaded the word document as is?
priscileung   
Jan 14, 2009
Undergraduate / Macalester Supplement (experience in Kota Kinabalu) [14]

Thang: I'm completely stuck on the first essay in the supplement - I feel like what I've written so far isn't flowing properly. Plus it might be on the long side, lol. Have you submitted your app yet? Did you post your essay here? I want to see what other Mac applicants are writing about :)
priscileung   
Jan 14, 2009
Undergraduate / Macalester supplement - 'minor problem with our cultural difference' [11]

I'm going to have to agree with everyone above. Your "difficulty" isn't clear enough in my opinion. You touch on too many little details all over the place - I think you should focus on one main thing. For example you could focus on the childrens' disrespect towards foreign volunteers and provide examples of it - if you can't remember any make one up if you have to.

And don't use "guy" in an essay. :P
priscileung   
Jan 14, 2009
Undergraduate / umich short answer 1 - "Qi Hui" [7]

There are so many things that people like myself - who have a complete family - desire.

I think the sentence sounds/reads better that way.

Best of luck :)
priscileung   
Jan 14, 2009
Undergraduate / Macalester Supp #1 - the factors [5]

This is the first question in the supplement:

"What factors have led you to consider Macalester College? Why do you believe it may be a good match, and what do you believe you can add to the Mac community, academically and personally?

Feel free to draw on past experiences, and use concrete examples to support your perspective."


Main Concerns: Is it too long? It's 934 words..Also is this too direct of an approach to answering the question? As a result, does it flow well?

Thanks! I'm hoping to submit tonight or at least as early before the deadline as possible.
********

I've taken all your comments into account and I've arrived at what I think is going to be my final copy.

----------------
"Take a look at this", read my father's email - it was a link to Macalester's website. My father was a graduate of a small, Minnesota liberal arts college himself, and he was the first person who recommended Macalester to me. He discovered the unique three-plus-three architecture program at Macalester, but what caught his attention was the abundance of financial aid available for international students. In my opinion, there is much more to a college than the money. I became intrigued by the prospect of completing two degrees in six years in the joint program with Washington University at St. Louis. This would allow for much more breadth than the four-plus-two program at other universities, where both degrees would be architectural in focus. At Macalester, I would be able to pursue my ambitions of becoming an architect, yet also gain a broader knowledge base with my first Bachelor's degree - which does not necessarily have to be directly related to architecture - and a second Master's degree in architecture.

As a student in the Gifted Program and also having taken many accelerated courses, there is a constant desire within me to learn. To me, learning is a daily activity, even outside of school, whether you like it or not. Every single day there is something new to learn; small or big, useful or not. Whether it is learning how to cook without setting off the smoke alarm or learning how to spell onomatopoeia, it's something you didn't know the day before. My niche in this lies with technology.

When teenagers are not using the Internet for homework or research purposes, many of them find themselves aimlessly browsing YouTube. The Internet has quickly risen up the ranks to become ultimate source of procrastination for students these days. However, I believe that it is a little known fact that YouTube can be a great educational tool as well. Almost two years ago, I purchased an acoustic guitar with one mission: to learn to play it without taking a single lesson. My only problem was that I had absolutely no idea where to begin. That is where YouTube comes into play. Believe it or not, everything I have learned about the acoustic guitar is thanks to YouTube. When I mean everything, I literally mean everything - from how to hold a pick to how to play simple four-chorded songs like 'Wonderwall'. I will admit that my skills are no match to legends like Jimi Hendrix, but I am learning at my own pace that suits my schedule and most importantly, my motivation. After all, no matter how much we wish it were, motivation is not omnipresent, and success and progress are maximized when we possess the right amount of motivation.

Besides academics, the extreme diversity of the Macalester student body is bound to broaden my perspective on the world. Having spent a crucial seven years of my adolescence in Hong Kong, I have developed a tremendous appreciation for the international world and its many cultures through both personal and indirect acquaintances. I believe that my diverse background and openness to multiculturalism is a perfect fit for Macalester as I look forward to learning more about foreign cultures through other students. The travel bug has recently captured me as its victim, and in my lifetime I want to visit as many countries as possible. With Macalester's wide array of study abroad opportunities to distant countries like South Africa and Chile, I will be able to satisfy some of my travel aspirations, work towards my degree as well as learn about the local culture simultaneously.

When I am not overseas, back at Macalester I will be able to meet fellow students from distant countries willing to share their own personal experiences. Personally, I think that the experience of living in a foreign country is a privilege, as most people grow up living in their home country and even in the same house for the first eighteen years of their lives. As a future member of the Mac community, I foresee a distinct trade off with mutual benefits between myself and my fellow classmates. Given my own unique experiences, philosophies and interests there will be plenty for me to share with the community. My ultimate goal is to share my wealth of unique characteristic with a large group of people with the desire to share the same with me. In my eyes, Macalester College is the right place to go to find this group of people.

------------------

Most changes were made to the first and last paragraphs but I did add a couple sentences to one of the middle paragraphs. I couldn't be very specific on profs or courses because the architecture program is unique in its own right. What it is, is a 6 year joint program with Wash. U at St Louis where you do your Bachelor's at Macalester in almost any field you like but you take various required art/architecture related electives in order to qualify for transfer to the Master's Arch program at Wash U. So you spend 3 yrs at Mac, 3 yrs at Wash U and you get 2 degrees at the end of it.

3 hours left! Thanks for all the comments guys :)
priscileung   
Jan 14, 2009
Undergraduate / emory essay (psychology field) [3]

"pushes me to seek out colleges and universities"
I think the phrasing's a little awkward here. Maybe use an alternate to "seek out"?

"Clearfield High School"
Don't forget to capitalize ;)

"Doors of opportunities will be opened because of the undergraduate school of Oxford"
Again, a little awkward in my opinion. Try something like 'Many doors will be opened because of Oxford's undergraduate school'

Overall not a bad essay. Personally I would use Gatorade instead of water for your last sentence just because I think water's too..plain.

Could you take a look at my Macalester supplements too? They're due in tomorrow as well ><
Best of luck to you with Emory! :)
priscileung   
Jan 14, 2009
Undergraduate / Macalester Supp #1 - the factors [5]

I did some serious editing and managed to cut it down to 685. Do you think I lost any valuable content?
priscileung   
Jan 15, 2009
Undergraduate / 'I live in Bangladesh' - Macalester Supplement...I think its a bit off-topic. [6]

"I watched stood by my grandmother's grave silently."
watching a grave sounds awkward..

"You can achieve anything, if u you try a little harder."

"I started bugging"
too colloquial

"but maybe I dint didn't try enough."
watch your typos

i think you should work on your conclusion a little more, maybe another sentence or two linking it all back to your grandmother.

btw I'm applying to Macalester too, will you feedback on my essays? and where did you get this prompt - I haven't seen it on the Common App.
priscileung   
Jan 15, 2009
Undergraduate / Macalester Supplement (experience in Kota Kinabalu) [14]

Thanks a lot guys, I've submitted my application already and read through it a couple times to take out any unnecessary things, like you pointed out Kevin.

Thang, I've been getting kind of confused by the Macalester threads in my "My Threads" column too. I thought one of mine had disappeared. This thread is actually under your title so I'm not sure how that happened...if the mods could take out the "challenging children" part cause that's not what my essay's about at all, that's Thang's. :P

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