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Because transcripts test scores and awards lists provide only a partial picture of an applicant, we want to know more! Please write an original essay to give us more than facts and figures about yourself. Feel free to focus on an experience, a philosophy or a significant event (or invent a topic of your own). Our hope is to get to know you better. How you help us do that is up to you!
"You can always achieve what you want, if you try a little harder," those were the words that echoed in my head as I watched my grandmother's grave silently. She used to tell me, that I can be whoever I wanted to be. Religion, status, culture, none of this mattered if only I knew where I wanted to belong.
I live in Bangladesh, a very small but a beautiful country. My father was abroad and this year has been tough for me. My mother got sick and became incapable of working. I had to leave my tutor due to a financial crisis. My whole life turned upside down. What am I supposed to do? I am 15 and it was just the beginning of my life. I had dreams, dreams to be a man. How was I supposed to do that without excelling in my education? As days passed, mother's condition got more serious. In the meantime I took a job at a call centre, the payment wasn't much, as I had few qualifications but it was enough to support myself and my mother. Whenever I needed to relax, I used to play cricket in my spare time. I used to throw the ball against the wall and on the rebound I would play a shot. One day I went to outside to play since my mom was sleeping and I didn't want to wake her up. I was playing against the wall in the park when a kid saw me and asked me to come and play with them. As I was batting, I saw a new light in the horizon. Suddenly I felt I was living my dream for a split second. I wanted to join the cricket school to become a cricketer after I graduated.
A little hope had risen in me. I would give my heart and soul to become a cricketer. But the question was how? I signed for an appointment with Mr.Raziyul Khan, renowned cricket coach of Bangladesh. I was asked to play a few shots in the net but I was rejected as the others were better than me. I started bugging the coach. I even invited him to the park to come and see me again. Still I was unable to get his attention. After months of trying I almost gave up. There wasn't a chance that he would pick me out of all those trained players. I guess my life would have been different if my grandmother was alive today. That's when it recalled the things she said to me, 'You can achieve anything, if u try a little harder.' Yes I did try, but maybe I dint try enough. I took my bat, went to a different field this time. The kids there took me in. Suddenly, I saw uplifted crowd had gathered while I was batting. Cheering and rooting for me. The people from the academy came out to see what was creating all the commotion. I was drowned in the liveliness. And I knew instantly that this is who I wanted to be. Maybe I dint get proper education but I had what it takes to be a true cricket player. When I was done batting, the crowd faded away, and a guy came up to me and said that I proved it and Mr. Raziyul Khan have asked me to see him. In less than a week, I signed a contract with him. I was in front of the doorstep to my dream. I'll do what it takes to be someone; someone special.
This was it; this is where my life began. I entered a whole new journey to become a man, and it was all because of my beloved grandmother.
Hmmmm . . . you seem to switch from talking about your difficulties in coping with your mother's illness to talking about your discovery that you wanted to play cricket for no apparent reason. Maybe you should decide which of the two experiences you most want the reviewers to know about, and focus exclusively on that one.
If you are most interested in sharing your love of cricket, then yes, you should delete the part about your mother. Grammatically there are a few things you can improve on:
"As I was batting, I saw a new light in the horizon" You normally see things on the horizon.
"That's when it recalled the things she said to me" Not quite sure what the "it" refers to here. Maybe you mean "I"?
"Cheering and rooting for me." That's a sentence fragment.
"I watched stood by my grandmother's grave silently."
watching a grave sounds awkward..
"You can achieve anything, if u you try a little harder."
"I started bugging"
too colloquial
"but maybe I dint didn't try enough."
watch your typos
i think you should work on your conclusion a little more, maybe another sentence or two linking it all back to your grandmother.
btw I'm applying to Macalester too, will you feedback on my essays? and where did you get this prompt - I haven't seen it on the Common App.
