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Posts by pdelvalle7
Joined: Mar 11, 2012
Last Post: Sep 27, 2012
Threads: 3
Posts: 4  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 7
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pdelvalle7   
Sep 27, 2012
Scholarship / 'Art is not just about self-expression' - Questbridge Bio Essay [2]

Essay #2
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you. (500 word limit)

Mr. Guerra has asked you to participate in an art exhibit. You know art is your passion, your niche, your abstract mind coming to play, so you take the honorable offer. In retrospect, your mindset was not where you'd have liked it to be, you understand you have an infinite amount of things to learn, but back then you thought you were your best version, the version that saw art only as a medium of self-expression.

Hours, days, weeks pass by while you work on the symbol of your childhood. You realize you've drawn in one of your most memorable objects that relate to your father: a book solely for Akitas, a type of dog your family used to have. You don't know why this reminds you so much of him; why this tiny shred of paper has so many underlying emotions and symbolic feelings that will forever represent happiness. Why your brother's five-year-old haircut is still vivid in your mind; the curve of his long hair resting against his temples while his never-ending eyelashes fanned his big brown eyes. You continue to sketch innocence, smiles, and your favorite chair as a child. The rocking chair your parents got in a garage sale and repainted to fit your preferences. You continue to sketch nostalgia.

The piece came along stroke after stroke, modification after pure concentration. All that was left to draw were the faces; to you, the hardest part. These honest shapes had crevices, soft curves, and blissful eyes. Even from the original picture you could tell these faces had young memories of freedom and play-time. Consequently, your work developed and your mind developed with it. What you thought was going to be hours of drawing turned out to be minutes of unscathed creativity and passion. Your sketching pencil took over you ever since you first laid your fingers on the canvas. Your feelings came back and reminded you of the happy times; the delicate memories that made you ask yourself "Why this trivial experience? Why are you attached so deeply to words your mother said, or things you saw your brother put away in his top drawer?". The answer, you learn, is simple: Insignificant remembrances are the real paradox; it's their importance that keeps nostalgia intact.

Now you're done. Finished. A sense of alleviation and calmness charge through you. You can tell this experience has changed you; made you more patient and appreciative. Art is not just about self-expression, but beauty, laughter, and life.

It's unexplainable; the flow you get when you're in deep focus. The rush of forgotten adrenaline in your system as you invent new things to showcase to different, yet very alike, minds. And, how could you forget, the feeling achieved when it's all said and done; the beauty you see in your piece when opinions are trafficking. It's what you wanted from the start; to give a little piece of you out and see who would catch it. It's what anyone wants, really.
pdelvalle7   
Sep 27, 2012
Scholarship / 'America is home to people from many unique cultures' - Diversity Essay [5]

I am the living embodiment of 'Diversity'; a concoction of Pakistani and American cultures.
Try not to put "I" at the beginning of most sentences. It's good to see you've written about ignorance and it tells the reader that you've become aware and have a curiosity. I also like your conclusion because you mention American and you tie it back to your theme. Overall a good description, just try to make your essay flow more and describe your emotions a little better.

Help with my QB essay #2? :)
pdelvalle7   
Sep 27, 2012
Scholarship / 'I redesigned my algorithms' - Questbridge Essay [2]

I can tell you're excited about your interests, which is great. However, you could work a little on awkward phrasing and writing "I" at the beginning of most sentences. You've explained your experience and the outcome well, too, but I'd suggest working on the wording, such as finding more synonyms for repetition or making the essay flow.

I'd appreciate it if you gave your opinion on my QB essay #2, thanks. :)
pdelvalle7   
Sep 25, 2012
Undergraduate / 'End of scene' - Questbridge Essay; Which topic would this essay go better with? [2]

Essay #1: Tell us about an experience you have had or a concept you have learned about that intellectually excites you. Why does it interest you, and what does this tell us about you?

Essay #2: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you. (500 word limit)
Which topic would this essay go better with? I wrote it thinking it was meant for the first one.
End of scene. The credits are rolling, your mind speechless and your lashes damp. You see the clock strike seven; the sun starts setting and your heart begins melting. All you ever wanted is here in front of you, yet this is the first time you see it. Realization foresees something new and exciting, and your spine shivers freely at the thought of what the future holds for you. Nature. Freedom. Solitude. Happiness. Words to live by, you remind yourself, not knowing that these concepts will soon take over your curiosity. Now your mind is spinning, wondering why it's taken you this long to seek your true potential, reminiscing your care-free childhood days and frowning at your rigid existence. How to start? You have all the time in the world, you see. Reading and hearing ethereal melodies are just the beginning. You've caught on to the concept of poetry and you start to appreciate those sweet and troubled words from long ago. You comprehend lyrical art and its way of moving you. But the greatest feat of all, you tell yourself, is holding in your mind the truth; the reality that one day you will be remembered, and one day you will be forgotten. The truth: As you see yourself you will continue to exist, but if you find you're not happy with your choices, there's always a way to find peace and never let go. You've become the master of your own identity; the master of your fate and happiness. Creativity rushes through you like a paint brush swaying back and forth on an unfinished creation. In return, music feels more beautiful than ever, and you fall in love with the symbolic tune of The Doors, Led Zeppelin, and Pink Floyd. Again; wondering why it's taken you so long. Coming to the conclusion that maturity is key, therefore becoming wiser means reverting back to your cherished childhood memories and making sense of them. So you start to thank this film; the film that taught you how to open the doors of perspective, the film that released you from the harshness of society and threw you into the notion of pure literature, music, and ideas.

One year has passed since your awakening, as you like to call it. One year of experiences, theories, and relationships. Experiences involving the simple things in life such as the wrinkling of the eyes at the time of laughter. Theories of the meaning of happiness and its place in the world. Relationships with the people worth your precious time; the ones who've suffered, bring out the best in you, and have patience in you. These kind you will forever seek; the kind that accept you and listen. The kind that advise, but don't interrupt, and the kind that have meaningful conversations at three a.m.

In retrospect, the concept of transcendentalism has stimulated your interests, and this you know will never cease. Learning has never been more rewarding, and the world has never looked so beautiful.

Fin

Thanks for reading, opinions are appreciated.
pdelvalle7   
Sep 25, 2012
Undergraduate / My Jaw Surgery- Questbridge Essay 2 [2]

Good essay! You described your experience well and had various details, maybe go further into your recovery experience so your success can stand out more.

I as well am doing the QB scholarship and I'd appreciate it if youd check my qb post!
pdelvalle7   
Mar 20, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'Preparation' - What events, activities have contributed to your own self-development [2]

Preparation is all of my events, activities and achievements for my development which has completely changed my attitude. "You learn something every day if you pay attention." is the best description of my modernized perspective towards life. This is the most significant self-development during the final year of my high school.

Four months before my first SAT exam, I started to prepare anyhow toin order to advance in this test. However, I had no insight at the time; consequently, I resolved that by going straight into the previous practice SAT papers without any comprehension. This resulted in my appalling score. Therefore, I lost all of my confidence and arrogance. I was determined to contribute more effort in studying by studying two to three hours every day. Hoping that there is somehow to attain a favorable outcome.<< Awkward wording, try rephrasing that into a more comfortable sentence because it is a good foundation.

Subsequent to the failure, I was aware of insufficient diligence and assiduousness. When I am open-minded, I recognize the relevant knowledge from school which supports and implements my SAT test from daily education. Accordingly, I adapted and applied various input by studying dedicatedly at school and with myself. On the one hand, better grade and results are what I acquired,and on the other hand , I proudly received admiration from my parents, teacher; moreover, respect from other students. This has made my accomplishments such a wonderful experience and development. I always appreciate the diligence of thosethat are hardworking because it never goes to waste .

Despite the magnificent achievements I have attained, I have been working breathlessly and energetically. Concentrating on and giving priority to academics beyond my leisure. "Practice makes perfect", I have learnt to organize my time to have an efficient study both of the school and SAT. Also evaluating the work I have done and paying attention to small subjects which will facilitate my "Preparation". I have struggled, worked not only to acknowledge but go far beyond to make the best of it. Therefore, my effort has been apperceive by teachers, parents and people around me. They encourage and support my education which results? in my pleasure of studying.

Eventually, I found my pleasure in academics, which I could not since I started my education. I am grateful to share my experienceas well as inform or apprehend new things from everyday life as my supporter did. Ultimately, I endeavor to continue learning and living with the best awareness, in order to make every single minute as my precious opportunity.

Great message, but try to be more unique. By this I mean use more details, try to make it more YOU. Go into further detail of how you felt when you achieved your expected score, or detail the way your peers/ parents reacted as well as how they felt when they learned of your accomplishments.

Please read my thread! I would greatly appreciate it and tell me what you think, or what I can elaborate further on, thanks.
pdelvalle7   
Mar 18, 2012
Scholarship / (creative arts / first to attend college / science and technology) Prep Scholarship [NEW]

Hello everyone, I've been in the process of completing a scholarship and constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated. Below lie 3 question prompts and their answers, thanks again!

Question: How have the arts shaped your life so far, and why do you believe the arts are important? What art medium(s) do you use to express yourself, and how might you apply your passion for the arts to college and beyond? (300 word limit)

Creative arts have tremendously shaped my life. If it weren't for the ability to express myself, my perception would not be as adventurous and open- minded as it is now. The reason the arts are so important to me is because of their underlying message. Since my focus is drawing, I think it's great how every person views a picture and molds it into their way of thinking, so there are copious amounts of ways an art piece can be seen. Not only do I love to draw, but also music and fashion. I can't imagine a world were everyone dressed the same or listened to the same music! The way I see it, art is a way of life. I enjoy observing early centuries' artists and unlocking their way of thinking during their process of completing their artwork. For example, during the 1930s, Guernica, a painting by Picasso, was completed and it is now one of my favorite pieces because it shows the hardships of battles and wars. At the time, the Great Depression in the United Sates was at full force, and tying all hardships together shows a part of the world we live in. I admire artists that express the gloomy part of life because it humbles me and makes me reevaluate my own way of seeing the world. Art has taught me to be myself, it has been an outlet to express my thoughts in way that words can't, and its aesthetics continue to surpass my expectations of everything I thought was beautiful. I hope to continue my passion for drawing throughout college and beyond by applying it not just in my daily life, but in evaluating everything my eyes admire. I also hope to spread its beauty and compare constructive criticism with people around me.

Note: I reached exactly 300 words.

Question: Please discuss what it means to you to be among the first generation in your family to attend college. How might your perspective and experience differ from those of other college students? (300 word limit)]

Being among the first generation of my family to attend college brings a feeling of achievement to my mind. The thought of my parents wanting to pursue a college education but not being able to due to financial reasons makes me even more grateful. I'm proud to be going through this path of education, let alone having the opportunity to even consider a higher education because I can, not just because i covet it. As a result, I think of college as a tool that will help me succeed; as long as I use it wisely. When all the bright minds that have stepped through college flow inside my head, I crave the experience more and more because education is not taken for granted in my mind, quite the opposite. Knowledge fascinates me, it cultivates my perception into thinking that I can never know too much, and there is always something new to learn. After all, isn't that what life is really all about? Learning, having fun, expressing yourself, and creating new ideas with the people that help foster them? In my eyes, college is just that. A pathway into the real world that releases the person you've set out to be. It's a shame that earlier generations throughout my family couldn't experience this, which is why it will be humbling to attend. I can't wait to arrive at the next learning chapter of my life that reveals my next home. My ideal institution will have bright and diversified students that will share my thoughts of higher education equally, so in a way it won't matter who is who or where everyone came from, rather than who is achieving what.

280 words.

Question: Please describe why you are interested in a career in science and technology. What would you hope to achieve by pursuing this career, and what particular issues would you be most interested in addressing? (300 word limit)

Science and technology fascinate me. The simple thought of innovating the world as we see it is riveting. One of the reasons I chose the field of science and technology is because they are what everything revolves around. I hope to change the world and gain a whole new perception on the bigger picture. Upon pursuing my career, helping the environment would come as a tremendous achievement in my life because not only does it help the Earth, but also makes the world we live in a better place. My problem-solving abilities and way of thinking will be challenged, but in no way will I let obstacles surpass my goals. Instead, I will let challenges along the way mold me into a more wiser and knowledgeable thinker. The way I see it, without science, mankind would be non-existent, the foundation of math would be a mere fragment of thought waiting to be unveiled, the world would be undiscovered, and everything around us would be as it once was thousands of years ago. The possibilities of how an uninformed world would be are endless. I am a firm believer of what science is capable of achieving, which is what lures me into the unknown world more and more. Learning about science is greatly intriguing to me, especially the subject of oceanic life and the environment. I hope to one day be as experienced and wise as the great scientists and engineers of our generation. Achieving my dream of becoming and environmental engineer and addressing the important issues going on in the world be an unexplainable satisfaction because I thrive in making the world more stable and efficient.

277 words.
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