Undergraduate / common app writing, short (speed-skating) [2]

One sport that I am deeply passionate about is speed-skating. While some may not see the attraction of going around in circles around the track hoping to get the fastest times, it is a sport in which I can constantly defeat myself to improve on my previous timings. Skating has instilled in me the qualities of focus and determination, no matter how tired I may be. A moment's loss of focus would lead to a fall at high speeds, often leaving unsightly scars. Also, determination to complete the race, whether in first or last place, has also helped me in many other areas such as my studies and also in other sports. Being actively involved in sports has also taught me the importance of prioritizing; I have learnt to manage my time well between studies and sports, even leaving some leisure time as well!

Undergraduate / 'Dr. Franklin Allen' - Penn supplement - professor and why [2]

Penn offers its undergraduates an eminent faculty and a wealth of research opportunities. Use the space below to name a Penn professor with whom you would like to study or conduct research and explain why. (It is not our expectation that you contact faculty directly to answer this question.)

The professor whom I'd most like to study under would be Dr. Franklin Allen. As a major contributor in the financial world, Dr. Allen has been actively involved in various global conferences both as an advisor and a participant. Albeit his vast knowledge, he is ever willing to learn from others while at the same time providing insight stemming from his experiences. Dr. Allen has had several representative publications, the most recent one in 2007 which is proof that he is constantly in vogue with the economy and its fluctuations. As the current global financial crisis is looming ahead, I feel that knowledge of the economy and its mechanisms is especially important. Being rather involved in research, I feel that he would be an excellent mentor to myself and my peers. The various awards and commendations that Dr. Allen has received is proof of his excellence in teaching and it would be an honor to study under him.

Undergraduate / "the tendency to assume leadership" - NYU supplement [3]

Describe a trait or characteristic that has been passed along to you by your family. Tell us why you like or dislike this aspect of yourself.

A trait that I inherited from my mother would be the tendency to assume leadership. My mum was never acknowledged as a leader but when with her friends, she takes on the role of a leader comfortably and naturally. I too, have the inclination to do so. At times of decision-making, I am able to step up and lead the group towards making the most adequate decision in the shortest time. I am grateful to have inherited this trait and the various leadership opportunities which it has presented me with.

New York City is an essential element of academic and cultural life at NYU. If you could engage in an activity or start a club or service organization at NYU, what would it be and how would you envision it impacting the larger community?

I would like to be involved with or start a sports club as I feel that sports can bring people of diverse cultures and races together. However, the focus of the club would not be to win competitions but for the members of the club to reach out to the community through sports. Members would train in various sports and teach their skills to the less privileged children. Through these interactions, the children's needs could be uncovered and solutions found to them.

You have been selected to sing in a talent show. What song would you choose? Why?

I would choose any Chinese hymn that I sing in church. I am a terribly off-key singer and songs like these that are suited for the masses would be appropriate. The lyrics of the song speak of how we are supposed to follow and trust God for he knows what is best for us. I believe so and would like to share my faith with other non-believers. I may not be able to sing the song as well as some of the other contestants but I believe that my faith would make the song pleasing to the audience.

(is this okay?)

Please tell us what led you to select your anticipated academic program and/or NYU school/college, and what interests you most about your intended discipline.

I have always been interested in Mathematics as I crave for the challenges that a tough problem or question brings. That, coupled with the knowledge of statistics recently learnt, I found that Math had useful and very practical applications in the real world. I have been intrigued with how the economy works and functions, especially in the area of finance and banking. Of course, the flexibility and adaptability that a finance degree allows in terms future careers are also very attractive.

Undergraduate / Penn supplement -- (Wharton should be a good fit for me) [7]

Describe the courses of study and the unique characteristics of the University of Pennsylvania that most interest you. Why do these interests make you a good match for Penn?

The Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania offers a wide range of academic disciplines, some of which appeal to me more than others. What attracted me most to the school was the prestige and recognition associated with being a Wharton alumnus. I believe that Wharton can open the appropriate doors for me as I step out into the business world with the knowledge that I am armed with.

I first heard about Wharton as being the best undergraduate business school in the United States, even in the whole world. I wanted to enter the school for the career opportunities it presented me with, and also for the bragging rights that came along with "I studied in the best business school in the world, beat that!" After some research, I realised that what attracted me to Wharton was not merely its excellent academics programme and established professors, but also the campus life and what I could learn outside the classroom about myself that prompted me to write this application.

Wharton is a world-renowned research university with research facilities that are unparalleled anywhere else. As a student, I have always been interested in research since my junior high years. Being part of the Raffles Integrated Programme, I have always considered research part and parcel of our school life. Therefore, I have come to discover the joy and satisfaction that research brings. Research allows me to step into uncharted territories, make bold theses that may be disproven. At the end of it all, research allows me to look at hard facts and make objective conclusions based on them, not simply on what I feel is right.

Above all, I feel that the most valuable lesson one can take out of research is the skills gained from it. It is not about coming up with the best theses, or the largest quantity of evidence or the best conclusions, but rather the determination in collecting the evidence, the skills to sift out relevant pieces from large masses of information that will help us as we embark on our respective careers. Having done some small research projects in the past, I think that some of the skills are already instilled in me, albeit still rough and unpolished. I feel that my experience doing research in Wharton under veteran professors will hone these skills and fine-tune them, just like how a diamond comes out smooth and gleaming after going through the hands of workmen. In this case, the Wharton professors are the skilled workmen, and we the students, are the rough and unpolished diamonds.

The old adage of teaching a man how to fish rather than giving him the fish is probably most apt to describe what I hope to take away from my learning experience at Wharton. In the financial world where major fluctuations can happen within seconds, I know that nothing is certain. The only thing that I am confident about and equipped with will perhaps be the skills that I possess. I am confident that Wharton is the institution that can reinforce these skills in me.

Furthermore, with the opportunities that Wharton gives its students for overseas experiential learning, what can be learnt outside the classroom is bountiful.

Philadelphia, being the fourth most populous urban area in the United States, has a distinct and vibrant culture. Other than pursuing my academic interests, the various extra-curricular activities also interest me. Philly, one of the few cities with all four major sports; seems like a good fit for someone like me who is so actively involved in sports.

Of course, it is not only true that Wharton will be a good fit for me, but also that I will be a good fit for Wharton. I believe that my visions and ideals are aligned with that of the school. Wharton prides itself on its history of innovation, I too believe in the importance of creativity and thinking out of the box. Besides that, I believe that the various leadership appointments that I have had would help me greatly at Wharton, where I can apply my knowledge to academics and to the various research projects that require teamwork and a leader to stand out from the rest.

The Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania offers a wide range of academic disciplines, some of which appeal to me more than others. What attracted me most to the school was the prestige and recognition associated with being a Wharton alumnus. I believe that Wharton can open the appropriate doors for me as I step out into the business world with the knowledge that I am armed with.

I first heard about Wharton as being the best undergraduate business school in the United States, even in the whole world. I wanted to enter the school for the career opportunities it presented me with, and also for the bragging rights that came along with "I studied in the best business school in the world, beat that!" After some research, I realised that what attracted me to Wharton was not merely its excellent academics programme and established professors, but also the campus life and what I could learn outside the classroom about myself that prompted me to write this application.

Wharton is a world-renowned research university with research facilities that are unparalleled anywhere else. As a student, I have always been interested in research since my junior high years. Being part of the Raffles Integrated Programme, I have always considered research part and parcel of our school life. Therefore, I have come to discover the joy and satisfaction that research brings. Research allows me to step into uncharted territories, make bold theses that may be disproven. At the end of it all, research allows me to look at hard facts and make objective conclusions based on them, not simply on what I feel is right.

Above all, I feel that the most valuable lesson one can take out of research is the skills gained from it. It is not about coming up with the best theses, or the largest quantity of evidence or the best conclusions, but rather the determination in collecting the evidence, the skills to sift out relevant pieces from large masses of information that will help us as we embark on our respective careers. Having done some small research projects in the past, I think that some of the skills are already instilled in me, albeit still rough and unpolished. I feel that my experience doing research in Wharton under veteran professors will hone these skills and fine-tune them, just like how a diamond comes out smooth and gleaming after going through the hands of workmen. In this case, the Wharton professors are the skilled workmen, and we the students, are the rough and unpolished diamonds.

The old adage of teaching a man how to fish rather than giving him the fish is probably most apt to describe what I hope to take away from my learning experience at Wharton. In the financial world where major fluctuations can happen within seconds, I know that nothing is certain. The only thing that I am confident about and equipped with will perhaps be the skills that I possess. I am confident that Wharton is the institution that can reinforce these skills in me.

Furthermore, with the opportunities that Wharton gives its students for overseas experiential learning, what can be learnt outside the classroom is bountiful.

Philadelphia, being the fourth most populous urban area in the United States, has a distinct and vibrant culture. Other than pursuing my academic interests, the various extra-curricular activities also interest me. Philly, one of the few cities with all four major sports; seems like a good fit for someone like me who is so actively involved in sports.

Of course, it is not only true that Wharton will be a good fit for me, but also that I will be a good fit for Wharton. I believe that my visions and ideals are aligned with that of the school. Wharton prides itself on its history of innovation, I too believe in the importance of creativity and thinking out of the box. Besides that, I believe that the various leadership appointments that I have had would help me greatly at Wharton, where I can apply my knowledge to academics and to the various research projects that require teamwork and a leader to stand out from the rest.

Armed with a degree from Wharton, I believe the future holds no boundaries. I will not be limited by my lack of skills nor knowledge as I know that these will be plentiful. I believe I can uphold and embody the traditions that Wharton holds dear, and follow in the footsteps of various prominent Wharton alumni. I hope that people will look at me and say, "She's from Wharton, one of the best business schools in the world."

added the last paragraph in, not sure if it conveys what exactly i am trying to say about me trying to be worthy of holding a degree from wharton? please comment and thank you :)

It doesn't seem complete to me somehow, please feel free to leave your thoughts and opinions! Criticisms are welcome and encouraged! :) Thanks alot

Undergraduate / "the friendship and camaraderie" - Common Apps essay [3]

Hello to all, I'm new here. Happened to stumble across this site when I was looking for tips on writing my common app essay. Would like to thank the moderators of this site. Anyway, this is my essay. Any comments/criticisms would be welcome thank you so much :)

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

The sun was bearing down on us as we left the bus. As usual, we were early, perhaps even earlier today. It was an important match, the one which would decide whether we went home with the championship trophy. My heart was thumping as we started our routine warm-up for the game. As I watched my teammates doing their own warm-ups, doubts and long-drawn anxieties floated around in my mind. Am I worthy to lead this team of talented individuals? Would someone else have done a better job than me? What if we lose today? If I had articulated my thoughts, I am sure everyone would have shushed me up, fearing that it would affect the team morale. However, I knew that they were all sharing the same thoughts as me. It was quieter than usual, without the usual chit chat that we were accustomed to. The air resonated with words unspoken. As the hall started to fill with supporters, both for and against us, I suddenly felt a sense of peace, peace that I could not explain. Suddenly it did not matter if we won or lost, did not matter if we took home the gold or silver medal. Back then, I thought it was because I had already resigned myself to fate and accepted that the chances of us losing were a lot higher than that of us not. I thought that it was my heart's way of steeling itself against the disappointment of a possible defeat. Upon introspect, I realize now that it was the knowledge that I had taken away so much from the season that made that final match so minute, so insignificant.

I learnt that good leaders have followers. Without followers behind him/her, the leader is merely taking a walk. I took on the role as captain this year with much apprehension as I was afraid that it would be nothing more than a "re-run" of past failures. This time, I knew that I had to bring the team together towards a common goal and nothing short of that was acceptable.

I learnt that friendships formed off-court translates to superb teamwork on court. I believe it was the trust in one another and the camaraderie that we formed during trainings that won us the match. I know that some of my closest friends will be from this team, whether next year or even ten years down the road. The experiences that we shared will tie us down together, no matter which country we are in.

I learnt that passion for the game will bring me back, regardless of where I am, how old I am, or how busy I may be. Having played for close to ten years now, I am still never tired of the game. Every time I step on court a surge of adrenaline rushes through me, I do not know if I will win the game, I do not know if I will play well. But all I know is that I love the game and I will always be back for more.

We eventually won the game, albeit at the very last second. Coming down from an 8-goal deficit to clinch the title is a memorable experience that even as I am writing this now, the joy and elation of winning the match is still fresh in my mind. The gold medal that we took home is a tribute to the hours of trainings and runs, dozens of team-talks and drills and so much more. Most importantly, it is not "National Inter-School Champions 2008" written on the medals that warms my heart, it is the friendship and camaraderie that came along with the medal that brings a smile to my face.

Thank you so much everyone