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Posts by hiren46
Joined: Apr 25, 2012
Last Post: Aug 15, 2012
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  

From: Australia

Displayed posts: 5
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hiren46   
Aug 15, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay What are the benefits of living in big cities, as opposed to rural areas? [4]

Question: What are the benefits of living in big cities, as opposed to rural areas? What are the problems of rural areas and how can they be solved?

Many people opt to live in large cities rather than country side because they believe there are more advantages residing in metropolitan area than remote areas. Such, benefits are employment, transportation facilities and up to the edge lifestyle. This essay will point out some difficulties living in rural area and will suggest some solutions.

Most common reason why people prefer to live in metro cities is the employment opportunity. Getting a desired job and working at well reputed company is the first choice for people. Apparently, these jobs are mainly available in developed cities. For instance, It can be seen at recruitment websites such as abc recruitment that the number of jobs in well known companies are noticeably higher in city areas than rural areas. Another reason is the easy availability of transportation services, large complex network maps of buses and trains covering almost all surrounding suburbs of city, which can save a lot valuable time spent by traveling with own vehicle. These two are the important factors when considering living either in city or rural area. Apart from those, entertainment facilities, well developed infrastructure and living with latest trends are other reasons for living in cities.

As mentioned above, the benefits living in big cities are the disadvantages for living in rural areas. Firstly,to mitigate the problem of employment government should try to offer tax deductions to the companies, which are ready to establish their branches in such places. As a result, there will be more work available in job market. Government should also provide sponsorship to people who have required skills and offer them some benefits like residency, travel and family benefits. Thus, those who are interested will come forward and will help rural economy to boost. In addition to this, increasing availability and expanded transportation network would also attract more people to come and work in such developing areas. Also, developing some nearby entertainment and leisure facilities will also help local people to retain in these places for long time without missing city life.

To sum up, it is in the hands of the authority who can help develop rural areas by offering some advantages to both industrial world and people in need.

Please submit your feedback on essay structure and grammatical errors.
Any comments most welcomed!!
Thanks for reading!!!
hiren46   
Aug 10, 2012
Writing Feedback / Same laws which prohibit the sale and consumption of heroin be applied to tobacco? [4]

Hi Ahmad,

Thank you very much for your reply.
In introduction paragraph, you have crossed out the thesis sentence. Could you plead tell me whether it is wrongly written or there is no need to write one in this type of introduction. Or it looks odd totally. I am bit confused about its usage. One IELTS instructor suggested me to write at the end of introduction to show my stand in essay. But, some people say it looks awkward sometimes, and it can make impression on examiner that you have learned it by heart. What do you say about it?

Do you recommend any area for improvement in my essay writing. English is my second language, it will be very helpful to me if you can recommend something.

I apppreciate any comments and suggestions.

Thanks.

Hiren
hiren46   
Aug 9, 2012
Writing Feedback / Same laws which prohibit the sale and consumption of heroin be applied to tobacco? [4]

In this world, many people are diseased due to the addiction of tobacco. This is not only affecting the people who consume it but also it affects the whole society; including family, friends and neighbors. As Addiction of tobacco is higher than any other illicit drugs, It is a conundrum that whether government should impose stringent law similar to heroin consumption on tobacconists and tobacco addicts or not. It will be discussed in this essay.

It is true, addictive drugs and tobacco are eating our society, spreading devastating damage to the whole society. Many governments spend millions of dollar behind the people who suffer from various diseases developed by such addictions. Increased health care fund for these people might be useful to other area of society such as education and development of rural area to improve economic condition. Moreover, tobacco addiction also weakens bond with family and friends. For instance, people who consume tobacco are very vulnerable to disease like depression, headache, migraine, mood swinging. Such diseases play vital role in damaging relationships.So, today, many people demand that government should look at this issues actively and take some actions to stop its ripple effect in society. Some people who take this issue very sensitively, even seeking a law similar to heroin consumption offense, from their government.

However, It seems quite unfair law to ban only tobacco totally. Because, there are many other drugs like alcohol and and other prescribed medicines also have same effect on human body after long term consumption. So, they all also should be prohibited. Practically, it is impossible to ban each and everything that affects human body badly. Moreover, bringing law against tobacco will invite criminals to run black market to sell tobacco, similar to marijuana's illegal market.

To sum up, banning a product due to its side effects has never worked within any country. In fact, it motivates some enthusiastics to buy it for any price from black market. in few words, it never works with law. the other way to curb it would be to educate people about its harmfulness, its long term effects, its overly dependance and its effect on friends, family and society as a whole.

I appreciate any comments and feedback. if possible with IELTS band!!
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