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Posts by Cherry Dang
Joined: May 9, 2012
Last Post: May 26, 2012
Threads: 2
Posts: 4  

From: Viet Nam

Displayed posts: 6
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Cherry Dang   
May 26, 2012
Writing Feedback / The loss of many traditional values and customs due to the working hard of modern men [3]

Please can you help me to revise my essay. Thanks in advance

Task Card: People nowadays work hard to buy more things. This has made our lives generally more comfortable, but many traditional values and customs have been lost and this is a pity.

To what extend do U agree or disagree?
My answer:
In pursuit of material comforts, modern man strives to achieve better financial status. This may be, sometime at the cost of traditional values and customs. This essay will consider this issue.

Critics may say Hi-tech appliances that people buy have made our lives more comfortable. However, they are also the main sources contributing to the lost of traditional values and customs. One problem is that cell phones and computer connecting to the Internet have replaced face-to-face conversation and interaction, hence the art of community has been lost. Furthermore, things like microwave and canned food make busy people prefer to heat up meals in the oven rather than to prepare traditional dinner. By doing this, traditional food like square cake (Banh Trung), Spring Roll (Pho Cuon) and Bun Cha would gradually disappear. Another drawback is that the thriving of entertainment application such as Ipods or mobile phones mean that the young generation are imbued with the latest thing and they would neglect the traditional values. Take music for example, the youth now can listen to Pop, Rock or other types of music which are very popular worldwide. Inevitably, traditional music like "Cai Luong" or "Quan Ho" would naturally not exist in the future.

In addition to this, family bonds are in critically danger of being lost owing to the increasing pace of life of the adult to supplement the income. Parents, in order to acquire some social status or get promoted, are oblivious to their children. They spend most of their time on working or studying, hence not only do they have time to have dinner with family but they also do not frequently play outdoor activities with their offspring. Moreover, when coming home, they often get exhausted so hardly every body in family have time to listen to each other. As a result, this would keep family members from being able to build close relationships to one another.

To conclude, Personally I believe that in order to satisfy the quest for material prosperity, individuals have to compromise their time which leading to the loss of traditional values and customs.
Cherry Dang   
May 26, 2012
Writing Feedback / Bar chart - New York and Tokio house prices - IELTS [2]

Hi dear,

I just want to suggest smt about your overall. In my opinion, you should make combine your two sentences into 1 sentences and you should mention that London changed the most.
Cherry Dang   
May 26, 2012
Writing Feedback / Setting up Cameras in public places us a controversial issue! [2]

Hi Lan Anh, your thesis format is nice. However the concession ideas that you gave in the beginning of two paragraphs doesn't match with the remain. In other words, your two clauses are non-cohesive.

My suggestion you should keep your topic sentence simple and clear and the topic sentence must convey the idea of the whole paragraph.
OR if you still want to follow that essay format you should make your 2 clauses more relevant.
Despite claims that setting up camera security systems can raise cost of installation and management, it is a fact that camera surveillance can save an immense cost for not hiring security policeman in public places . Then supporting ideas and explanation or example.
Cherry Dang   
May 9, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'the world will never stop developing' - doing the same things and avoiding change. [3]

Hi all, I am new member here. I am going to take IELTS test on June but I am self-study so I am very much appreciate if you guys can help me to correct my essay

Task card: Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing.

Discuss both these view and give your opinion.
My answer:
The thriving of the modern technology and scientific breakthroughs has changed the whole world dramatically. While there are those who happy to live a routine life, I believe that change is inevitable in the modern era.

On the one hand, there is an army of people contend that they get used to with their daily life and they are satisfied with it. Accordingly, the routine gives them structure and they would achieve some security by doing the same things in the familiar environment. Clearly, these people do not fancy surprises or they are not confident enough to face new challenges. To illustrate this, people, being in the respected positions in an organization, do not want changes because they fear that if a change is accepted, then others could grab their positions. Undoubtedly, they do not want to get outside their comfort zones. However, since people cannot stop the world around them from changing so if they resist changing themselves, they will be consequently left behind.

On the other hand, a host of progressive protests that the world changing at whopping rates so it is inescapable for every one to accept changes and go according to changes. According to them, when you dare to change, you would have chances to improve skills and gain new experiences. Conversely, those who fancy doing the same things lessen their opportunities of a brighter job prospect. As evidence of this, when information technology fist improved in Vietnam, at the first place, people who immediately accepted it and enthusiastic about studying new technology are highly successful now.

To conclude, Changes are necessary and unavoidable for anyone who wants to keep up with the pace of modern life. If people are unstoppable to learn new thing and do not mind changing than the world will never stop developing