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Setting up Cameras in public places us a controversial issue!

lananh87512 2 / 3  
May 25, 2012   #1
The issue of cameras are setting in public areas remain controversial. Some people believe that the appearance of cameras has positive impacts on social security while others claim that the violation of people's privacy is downside of setting cameras in public. I vigorously agree with the former idea because of its positive influences on government's finance and prevention of crime:

Firstly, it is argued that the activity of setting cameras in public places can endanger people's privacy. The likelihood is that the appearance of cameras in everywhere can cause people's lack of comfort. However, it is irrefutable that no sooner are cameras set than the government might save more cost of management instead of hiring human. Besides, only by using cameras do people feel greater sense of safety while others' self-awareness of their actions is higher. In other words, the countries setting cameras have good impacts on social security.

Secondly, opponents argue that another disadvantage is to raise cost of management. It is likely that people just behave under supervision of cameras. Nevertheless, it is undeniable that by dint of camera, police might use the records of cameras to find out true criminals on offence. Also, by no means do cameras provide traffic police easier access to arrest people who violated traffic law. In a word, criminals and traffic violators rate decrease is benefit of cameras.

All things considered, I strongly believe that cameras support effectively in social management for the government, ensure social security.

Please, correct for me!
Cherry Dang 2 / 4  
May 26, 2012   #2
Hi Lan Anh, your thesis format is nice. However the concession ideas that you gave in the beginning of two paragraphs doesn't match with the remain. In other words, your two clauses are non-cohesive.

My suggestion you should keep your topic sentence simple and clear and the topic sentence must convey the idea of the whole paragraph.
OR if you still want to follow that essay format you should make your 2 clauses more relevant.
Despite claims that setting up camera security systems can raise cost of installation and management, it is a fact that camera surveillance can save an immense cost for not hiring security policeman in public places . Then supporting ideas and explanation or example.

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