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Posts by Linnus
Joined: Dec 27, 2008
Last Post: Jan 22, 2009
Threads: 6
Posts: 89  


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Linnus   
Dec 29, 2008
Undergraduate / Commonapp short answer, activity (I was in the pool) [13]

"I was in the pool, face down, and a knife embedded in my back."

"I mopped the water out ofoff my face,"

"I was not in a theatre, nor was I an actress. At the backyard of the nursing home, me and other volunteersother volunteers and I presented our thanksgiving gift, a revised version of hamlet, to our lovely "grandmas and grandpas.""

Aren't you an actress if you were acting? I don't know.

"we knew that a week of hard works work had paid off"

"me remarkable advices on living life"

This sounds awkard.

Nice short response.
Linnus   
Dec 29, 2008
Undergraduate / Carnegie Mellon Supplement Essay- "The Magic of Moving Objects" [7]

From a young age, I have been captivated by the magic of animated objects both virtually and in real life. My captivation with animated objects coupled with my innate ability to take anything apart ultimately sparked my interest in engineering. In my first encounter with a robot, my decision to become an engineer was only reaffirmed. The robot's barrier evading abilities put me in awe. Desiring to learn more about robots, my interest in robotics gradually developed as I learned more about it online. Little by little my interest in robotics grew while I learn more about it online. Within a month, I had drew a twelve page detailed design for my ideal consumer robot that was integrated with a volumetric display that I mistakenly called a hologram at that time. As I was on my quest to make my dream into a reality, I encountered a problem: my trial and error engineering knowledge would not have helped any on this complex project. Today my desire to be an engineer and a programmer is not only because I want to find the solution to the problems in my design, but also because of a strong belief that robots will become the computers of tomorrow and that innovative engineering and programming can change the world for the better.

After looking through many universities and the various programs each offer, I have no doubt that Carnegie Mellon university is best institution for me. Carnegie Mellon's diverse student body is what first caught my attention. By working with a diverse group of students, I can learn the different points of views and solutions to engineering problems, which will broaden my horizon and allow me to think more creatively. Also interacting with students of different cultural background will allow me to improve my social skills which will better prepare me for the future. Furthermore, Carnegie Mellon allows its student to pursuit two undergraduate degrees. This means that I can pursuit an electrical and computer engineering degree at the Carnegie Institution of Technology and a computer science degree or a robotics minor at the School of Computer Science since they are where my primary interest lies. Both of these schools offer what I am looking for: a rigorous curriculum taught by innovative professors and a hands on approach to learning.

CIT not only offers an excellent engineering curriculum, but also helps students develop leadership and management skills, which is crucial to any successful engineer. It is my intention to utilize the resources available at CIT which is why I find the honors research program that CIT offers really attractive. It will allow me to work in close proximity with a Carnegie Mellon professor in first-class research facility during my senior year. The experience and knowledge I gain from this experience will surely benefit me, especially if I decided to apply the IMB program that CIT offers. The IMB program will allow me to directly obtain my masters in ECE without the need to apply for graduate school.

The School of Computer Science has been a pioneer in computer science. It is my desire to contribute to and learn from the innovation thinking at the School of Computer Science and develop a ground-breaking artificial intelligence program. The research topics offered at this School such as the Cognitive Robotics on the Sony AIBO will help me achieve this ambition. Also the school of Computer Science offers similar advantages like the ones CIT offers such as the fifth year masters program and the BS Computer Science & MBA 3/2 program. This means if I have a change of plans and would like to focus on one subject, I will still have many options.

Whether I decide to work the industry or perform research on the subject that I am interested in, I believe Carnegie Mellon can provide me with the excellent education and experience I need to succeed.

I feel this is a rather weak essay...
I know it is a long essay and I would appreciated any suggestions. Also, I slightly went over the 1 page limit, what should I cut out? Thank you!
Linnus   
Dec 28, 2008
Undergraduate / Common App Personal Essay ("calculus problem") [10]

Thank you for the revisions. I have a question. Why is a comma needed after quiz in "The two nights that I had to study before the quiz, did not prove to be adequate for that problem?"

Also can you comment on the content of my essays (whether is it a good essay or not).
Lastly, can you correct some of the grammatical errors in the short response?
Thank you so much!
Linnus   
Dec 28, 2008
Essays / Listing and Describing activities - using incomplete sentences? [6]

Since the prompt said "do not use hard returns in your responses" I think the admission officers want complete sentence. Also, it's always better to be on the safe side.

300 characters max is not a lot so instead of listing everything, I would focus on the jobs and activities that have influenced you the most. Provide a sentence or two on the nature of each activity and how it influenced you.

Good luck!
Linnus   
Dec 28, 2008
Undergraduate / Davidson Peer Recommendation [5]

Haha I re-read my statements. I meant to say "You probably should elaborate a bit more on short answers #1 and #3." So you should probably familiarize yourself with Davidson college. Know that it is a liberal arts college with small classes. Also add a bit more on how well you know the applicant.

Also, on the weakness question, you should probably also add why math is her weakness.

"her commitment to her family and her extracurricular activities has been an inspiration to all those who know her"

Talk about her commitments and how she is an inspiration.

Good luck!
Linnus   
Dec 28, 2008
Undergraduate / Carnegie Mellon University (the reputation and economics) [5]

"The hardware and software of the school seems to be able to give me the holistic overseas university experience that I am looking for, which is why I choose Carnegie Mellon."

What is "the hardware and software of the school"?

"It would be up to the new-age economists then to inject vibrancy into the world's economy."

I believe this would sound better "It would be up to the new-agegeneration of economists then to inject vibrancy into the world's economy

"Though economics boils most things down to logic and numbers,"

I don't think this is true.

"This is unlike any other schools, which only opens up its school of business to exclusive students."

I'm not sure what this means. Tepper is a highly selective and renown business school.

"The sense of belonging and warmth that Carnegie Mellon has established throughout the years is something that I hope to be given to feel, to create, and to maintain as a student there."

Also the first half of the sentence sounds awkward, perhaps grammatically wrong, but I don't know how to fix it.

Overall impression: The essay sounds choppy. Try to connect all the ideas together in a logical order. But I'm also a student, so I'm not sure exactly how much my impression is worth.

Good luck!
Linnus   
Dec 28, 2008
Undergraduate / Davidson Peer Recommendation [5]

I don't believe you should mention that she is your girlfriend.

On short answer #4, I think multitasking and time managing are two different things. Multitasking is the ability to do many things at once.

You probably should elaborate a bit one on short answers #1 and #3.

Good luck!
Linnus   
Dec 28, 2008
Undergraduate / Common App Personal Essay ("calculus problem") [10]

Prompt: A topic of your choice (Personal Statement)

Sweat dripped down from my face as I stared into my opponent's face. She was not the typical opponent that one would expect to face. She stared right back at me, yet I could not find her eyes. She smirked at me, yet I could not detect her mouth. The monster disguised herself in the most elegant form. The beauty she possessed enchanted anyone who looked at her. I stared hopelessly at a calculus problem that asked for the derivative of an obscure trigonometry function.

I focused hard on my opponent. The memories of my first trigonometry lesson ran through my mind like an unstable oscillating wave.
"What's the sine of pi over six?" my impatient sister interrogated me.
"Uh... ˝?" I replied uncertainly after a few seconds. I had just learned the unit circle twenty minutes ago.
"What took you so long? You should be able to answer the question in an instant" she snapped her fingers in my face.

My flashback stopped there because recalling further into the two hours of continuous noise will negatively affect my quiz grade.
Yes, my first and only exposure to trigonometry before I took calculus I at a summer university program was a two-hour screech provided by my sister. I originally planned to take Introduction to Calculus, but it was unsatisfying. After I attended two lectures and took one quiz, I realized that it was going to be a relatively easy class. I quickly flipped through the book and recognized one-third of the materials in the book. This did not satisfy me, however. Quickly after reaching this realization, I changed my class to Calculus I, an action deemed many deemed "crazy".

And yet my timing could not have been better. They had just finished reviewing pre-calculus topics after I transferred into the class. The first day of class, I listened attentively. The words that came out of the professor's mouth entered my ear as if he was speaking a foreign language. I was able to make out all the symbols he used on the chalkboard: delta, epsilon, greater than, less than, but they did not provide me with any insight into the cryptic message hidden within the hieroglyphics. I was happy. The fast pace and intellectual challenges the class provided were satisfying. Thankfully, after three hours of self-study, I learned all the limit materials but I still had to take on trigonometry. I studied trig during the night, not willing to lose any moment of the university campus experience.

The two nights that I had to study before the quiz did not prove to be adequate for that problem. I still had time to change my classes back. A locked piece of memory that fuels part of my ambition and determination suddenly appeared in my mind. I saw an innocent child who climbed into the water that was filled with white dandruff and dead cells and bathed. The child was me and the residues were from my parents' skin after a day's work in a family operated take-out Chinese restaurant. I have come a long way since then and there was no way I was going to turn back. I had also fallen in love. The mathematical beauty of the limit and the derivative had already captured my heart. I wrote my attempted solution and put it on a stack of other students' quizzes.

This is my third year taking calculus, due to school policies and restricted class offerings. My understanding of trigonometry could not have been better even if I had taken a formal class. Even though calculus remains as intriguing to me as it ever was, I've taken on a new secret love affair: linear algebra. Through MIT's Open Course Ware, I can obtain the course notes and watch video lectures on this fascinating application of matrices. I cannot wait to see how this course of study evolves without any formal guidance.

Common App Short Response

In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer)

The first complaint I received from a customer while working at my parent's restaurant was "There is a string of hair in my food". Not knowing what to do, I became concerned and called my dad, who is never there when I'm working, for advice. He told me "Just apologize and give him a 10% discount" and hung up. Not believing the plan will work, I nervously executed his orders. To my surprise the customer was satisfied and even said "The food was good". Since then, I have learned how to make executive decisions and many leadership skills. Today I am able to handle customer and worker complaints, emergency situations, and inspection officers easily. When a new problem comes up, I no longer call my dad for advice. Instead I use my own discretion to determine how I should handle the situation.

Please point out my grammatical errors. Also comment on the content please. Thank you so much!
Linnus   
Dec 28, 2008
Undergraduate / NYU CAS for 2009 - summer vacation/ activity/ family trait/ song/ academic program - Short Answers [3]

Your SAT scores are good for NYU and your GPA is decent.

I quickly scanned through your short answers I personally think they are really good.

Anyways,
In "Undecided major", I believe the "U" should be a lowercase "u".

"Both subjects test the limits of the human mind,"

I'm not sure what two subjects are you referring to here.

In my opinion, your second short answer should focus more what you will do with the club the future rather than what you have done.
Linnus   
Dec 28, 2008
Undergraduate / Gain hands on experience, gain a greater appreciation for the NASA mission; NASA INSPIRE PROGRAM [3]

"For a student interested in pursuing a career in aerospace engineering, I believed there to beare only a few ways to gain informationlearn until I discovered the NASA INSPIRE program. It took some searching but once I found it, I was disappointed I had not found it earlier. I took no chances and began working on the application in order to finish it before the deadline."

I'm not sure if this introduction adds much to the essay. I don't think it has anything to do with the essay prompt.

I'm not sure about the rest of the essay.
Linnus   
Dec 28, 2008
Undergraduate / 'Lego blocks / Carnegie Project / Electrical Tech' - Brown Engineering Supplement [6]

I believe the past tense of "seek" is "sought".
But if you "sought" to improve your creations as a child I believe that means you do not want to improve your creations anymore.

"As I sought to improve my creations as a child, I seek to improve myself today and strive to be the best I can be" doesn't sound right.
Linnus   
Dec 28, 2008
Undergraduate / Rice Architecture Supplement - enjoy most outside of academics [5]

"Be it how to finally cook without setting off the smoke alarm, how to spell onomatopoeia or a strange fact about Brad Pitt, it's something you didn't know the day before."

This sentence is really awkward.

This might be better: "Whether it is learning how to cook without setting off the smoke alarm or learning how to spell onomatopoeia, it's something you didn't know the day before".

"The human brain can be fed with a plethora of thingsknowledgeso ; thereforetechnically speaking , it should never be hungry."

"It all began early in my childhood when I was bored by elementary school and needed something to occupy me after school."

I'm not sure if being "bored" in elementary school is good. Perhaps you can say something about how easy elementary school was.

"What began with a pile of picture books eventually evolved into an almost detrimental fondness for music, technology and sports"

You should probably elaborate a tad bit more on this.

"Average Joe"
I don't think "average" should be capitalized.

Is this your main supplement essay? If yes, then I would try to write an essay that is related to architecture, but that is just me.
Linnus   
Dec 28, 2008
Undergraduate / 'Lego blocks / Carnegie Project / Electrical Tech' - Brown Engineering Supplement [6]

1. My favorite childhood toys started out as mountains of Lego pieces thatbut would soon becomebecame intricate creations. I would build the most elaborate buildings and vehicles and then destroy them, only to start on a bigger and better project. Today, I have the same creative, engineering-based mindset. Nothing is perfect; everything can be altered for improvement, which is what I often recognize when I view my surroundings. Being the CEO of a software company, my father works with different types of engineers on a daily basis. He has frequently mentioned that they are the most intelligent of his employees. As I seeked to improve my creations as a child, I seek to improve myself today and strive to be the best I can be.
Linnus   
Dec 27, 2008
Undergraduate / a para from Cornell engineering essay vague? unclear? [4]

I think your essay is rather short, but that is my opinion. The essay can have up to a maximum of 500 words and you only have 254 words.

I hate to be harsh, but the prompt for Cornell's College of Engineering is:
Engineers turn ideas (technical, scientific, mathematical) into reality. Tell us about an engineering idea you have or your interest in engineering. Explain how Cornell Engineering can help you further explore this idea or interest.

Your essay looks like it's all over the place, I would focus on ONE idea and elaborate on it.

Good luck!
Linnus   
Dec 27, 2008
Undergraduate / Grinnell Supplement Essays help [6]

"I heard his stories of inspirational times, academic achievements and success as a student at Grinnell."

When you say "success" are you referring to academic success? I believe that academic success and academic achievement have the same meaning.

"I researched Grinnell College, and was impressed not only by its selected experienced faculties with respects from students, but also its surroundings which would provide students with a perfect place to pursue their dreams and talents with the advantage of not being located in a the big city which might cause disturbances to students."

This sentence is way too long.

It is unfortunate that many students do not know aboutsucha great schoolinstitution like Grinnell College is not known to people today , it is fortunate that I am one of those lucky people who know the best school for the future

I don't think the last sentence adds much to your short essay. Also, I'm not exactly sure what you are trying to convey with your last line that I italicized.

Good luck!

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