Undergraduate /
'Considered quitting' - Tufts short answer and essay [18]
ok now i get it that you said that.
um...
i think you need to clarify the part about your best friend being your flute because that is still unclear if i think of anything ill let you know.
but as for the other aspects of your essay
when you say "Nevertheless, my love for dear friend" in the first paragraph, you should add "my" after "for" and before "dear"
and when you say "but I tried my best for my friend to like me" in the second paragraph, i think you should say "but I tried my best to gain her approval"
when you say "was playing most of musical scores" at the end of the second paragraph, you should say "was playing most of the musical scores"
when you say "short fingers are not apt to hold flute" in the third paragraph , i think you should say "short fingers are not apt to hold the flute"
when you say "for me to run well for the school sports" in the third paragraph, i think you should say "for me be athletic"
when you say "I have not tried my best" in the third paragrpah, i think you should say "I didnt try my best"
when you say "I want to live my life with full passion" in the third paragraph, i think you shoud say "I want to live a life of passion"
it sounds awkward when you say "those efforts integrate my identity" instead you should say "those efforts integrate all aspects of my identity" but regardless that part is really awkward.
it sounds awkward when you say "too preoccupied to suit my friend's appetite" i dont have any suggestions i just dont think that appetite is the best word you could use.
but the idea is definately creative there are just some syntax problems that make the essay unclear and some grammar errors but i strongly suggest you take some of my advice because this has potential to be awesome!
just dont forget that you need to make the beginning with your friend being the flute much moer clear because it is confusing.
